Resistance really is futile
by the goofball
Summary: I had this idea about Janeway not wanting to be in control all the time, at least not in private. The fic was supposed to be short and hot. It's definitely not short and BDSM plays only a minor role. But I'm told it's funny, romantic, sexy and heart-breaking. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

AN

This is the second time my notion of writing PWP failed. I guess, I'll just have to give it up ;o)

A few things you should know:

1) This is my first attempt at (a little) adventure and drama – please be kind :o)

2) I ignored the fail-safe mechanism in Seven's cortical node, since it never made any sense to me. There are other strong emotions except romantic ones that could/should have triggered the mechanism far earlier

3) As fans of the show will notice, I took some liberties with "Imperfection"

4) The story is not beta-ed. English isn't my first language, but I hope I got the worst mistakes out

5) There's no need to worry that I'll abandon the story. It's already finished and I'm working on part two and three (and a fourth is in my mind)

7) For the smutt you'll have to go to AOW

6) Star Trek Voyager doesn't belong to me and I make no money with it

Now I hope you'll enjoy. Let me know what you think :o)

Resistance really is futile

Captain Kathryn Janeway stood beside the alcove where Seven was regenerating and looked at her, glad to have her back safe and sane. Really glad indeed, that Seven had trusted her enough to come home with her.

While Janeway's eyes stayed on Seven's face, her thoughts went back to the moment on the Delta Flyer and to what she had said about the bond that had grown between Seven and herself. Yes, there most definitely was a bond between them, but Janeway finally had to admit that for her it was more than just being Seven's mentor. It was more than being her friend. Janeway sighed and closed her eyes, as if she didn't want to face the truth with open eyes.

Janeway was falling in love. She loved Seven's intelligence, her determination; she loved her strength and her directness. Granted, this particular trait could be extremely tiring, but at least you always knew where you stood with her. And Janeway adored the dry humour Seven was developing.

With a soft smile she opened her eyes again, looking straight at the ex-drone. _Ah yes,_ Janeway thought, her smile fading. _Let's not start with how gorgeous Seven looks_.

Janeway rubbed her neck and as if that had been some kind of secret command for her eyes, they moved to Seven's long neck, following its elegant line, and while touching her own skin, Janeway imagined how it would feel to run her fingers over Seven's.

 _Oh, stop it!_ Janeway lowered her hand, but kept her eyes on Seven, moving them from her neck, up over her jaw to the closed eye with the half-moon-shaped implant above it. Here Janeway's gaze stopped and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. The oh-so-telling implant. Most of the times Seven's facial expression was composed and it seemed like she was able to control almost every muscle in her face – almost being the imperative word. She couldn't control the eyebrow and due to the implant atop it you could see every tiny twitch of it.

But apart from the fact that to Janeway it was the most obvious indicator of Seven's expression, there was also the fascinating difference between touching the soft and warm skin right beside the solid and cool metal, as Janeway had done on Arturis' ship. _Even back then you've registered touching her_.

Janeway blinked once, twice, and then tore her eyes from Seven. "Enough already," she muttered softly, meaning to turn around. But the beeping of the alcove froze her in place.

"Warning, regeneration cycle incomplete," the computer announced, and Seven opened her eyes and stepped forward.

 _Well, hell_ , Janeway thought and crossed her arms in front of her while straightening her back. She would not feel like being caught in the act.

Seven turned her head and her eyes locked with Janeway's. "Captain," she said and turned towards Janeway, taking in her usual position with her hands behind her back.

"Is the alcove malfunctioning?" Janeway asked.

The implant over Seven's eye rose. "The Doctor and I checked it. It is functioning within expected parameters."

"So why did the cycle stop?"

Seven turned towards the console of the alcove and put her left hand, the one with the exoskeleton, against it while tapping commands with the other. "It does that if I am – malfunctioning."

Janeway looked at her in surprise. "Explain."

Seven turned back to Janeway, her back stiffening even more. "I had the same difficulties as I started remembering parts of being assimilated."

"The nightmares about the raven?"

Seven stilled for a moment, then said in a clipped tone: "Yes, Captain."

"I don't see that as malfunctioning, but that's beside the point right now." Janeway very well knew that Seven still felt uncomfortable at times with the whole mess that human emotions were to her. There were moments when Janeway wholeheartedly felt the same way. Otherwise she'd be comfortable on her couch right now, reading a nice book while sipping from a glass of good wine.

Pushing that thought away Janeway asked: "The question is, why you are feeling – let's say uncomfortable?"

Seven turned her head away. "I made a mistake in judgement and I owe you an apology."

Janeway tilted her head slightly. Seven admitting to making a mistake, now that's what she called a step forward. "Seven?" Janeway waited for her to look at her.

"Yes, Captain?"

"We all make mistakes. It's part-"

"It's part of being a human, I know," Seven interrupted Janeway.

Janeway smiled. "But you don't like it."

The implant twitched slightly. "No, Captain, I don't. The Borg strive for perfection. And even though I am no longer Borg I still feel the need to perfect my performance."

"You know, in a way it's understandable," Janeway said and moved towards the command panel. With her head she gestured to the alcove as she looked into Seven's eyes. "Time for you to go to sleep," she said, knowing exactly what kind of response that would provoke. Sometimes Seven was so predictable.

"I do not sleep, I regenerate," came the curt reply with a haughty expression.

Janeway smiled fondly as Seven stepped back into the alcove.

"But I will comply."

"Thank you," Janeway answered as she lowered her gaze to the console.

"Captain?"

Janeway looked up meeting Seven's eyes with a raised brow.

"Why is it understandable?"

"Look around you, Seven-"

Of course Seven took that literally and swept the cargo bay with her eyes.

"Figuratively speaking. This whole crew is eager to learn more, to expand their knowledge."

"But-"

Janeway lifted a hand with a wry smile. "I know we're mere humans and we don't have your vast collected data from the Collective. But we do strive for more knowledge, even if it's sometimes more out of curiosity rather than strict necessity," she said. "And most of us simply want to be better humans." Janeway turned her eyes back to the console. "Or in my case a better captain," she muttered to herself.

"I believe you to be a good captain."

Janeway closed her eyes briefly. "My, Seven, that sounds almost like a compliment," she then said, trying to sound nonchalant without looking up as she entered the commands to start the cycle again.

"It was intended to be one."

Janeway's fingers stopped and slowly she lifted her head, meeting Seven's intense gaze. It was kind of nice hearing it from her, considering the many times they had and certainly still would disagree. But Seven's approval shouldn't cause this warm feeling inside of Janeway that had nothing at all to do with the room temperature.

Janeway wasn't in the mood to point out that she didn't need Seven's approval since she was her captain anyway. _Her captain?_ Instead of saying anything, Janeway acknowledged her words with a nod and finished entering the sequence to start the regeneration cycle. "I'll see you in about 30 hours," she said with her finger hovering over the touch screen.

"Yes, Captain."

"Oh, and Seven?"

"Captain?"

"Apology accepted."

Seven didn't say anything, just slightly inclined her head. But there it was, the slight curve at the corner of her mouth.

Janeway couldn't help herself and let her mouth break into a smile as well. "Sleep well," she said and finally lowered her finger to the console.

Seven's eyes snapped shut and her mimic relaxed.

"Sweet dreams," Janeway whispered, feeling like she had just tucked Seven into bed. This time she didn't linger but swiftly turned around and left Cargo Bay 2.

She had 30 hours to figure out on how to handle the situation – or rather herself. By then she had to have a plan.

Of course there was no ingenious plan – just the notion that distracting herself with a hologram might be a good idea – and for months Janeway simply scraped by as good as she could.

Janeway had been absurdly relieved that she hadn't been on Voyager when Seven and Tuvok had been abducted, because she was sure that her Senior-Staff would have noticed her initial panic as she heard the news. But nothing kept her from cutting her vacation short to help rescuing her crewmembers from the ship, where Seven had to fight in an arena for Tuvok's and her own life.

During this incident, Janeway realized that she'd simply been burying her feelings for Seven and eventually stopped using Michael Sullivan as a diversion.

As they encountered a badly damaged Borg-Sphere with drones on it who wanted to negotiate, Janeway only hesitated a split-second before she had Seven investigate – despite the fact of what had happened the last time Seven had been on a Borg-Vessel and what she had secretly done to keep Voyager and her crew safe.

Nothing as serious happened this time but they did end up with three Borg-children and Janeway put them under Seven's supervision – much to Seven's surprise and sometimes annoyance.

Seven's initial irritation with the children had very obviously changed, as Janeway found out when they discovered Icheb's home world and encountered his parents. Seven's crass questioning had led to a major argument with Janeway. During this dispute Seven confessed that her strong reaction was partly due to her experience with her own parents and Janeway could at least understand her response, even if it didn't excuse her rudeness.

But in between the excitement and Janeway and Seven butting heads, there were also quiet conversations and even downright funny moments, like when Janeway had to explain to a baffled Seven what fan-mail was. The memory of Seven's facial expression as she quoted some of the questions addressed to the EMH still made Janeway chuckle.

Then there had been Unimatrix Zero. Janeway knew it had been inevitable that one day Seven would have a romantic interest in someone. What she hadn't expected was the way it happened.

Unimatrix Zero had been a virtual world where certain Borg-drones could exist as individuals while they regenerated – and only then. Once the cycle ended they were back to being drones and couldn't remember anything about their other lives as individuals.

Seven had been one of the rare drones with the necessary mutation that enabled her to go to the matrix, even though she had no recollection of her time there before she had been contacted by Axum – her lover for six years out of the sixteen she'd visited Unimatrix Zero.

With the help of the Voyager crew, the inhabitants of the matrix started a revolution. The help included Janeway, B'Elanna and Tuvok being assimilated to deploy a virus that made it possible for the drones with the mutation to keep their individuality after regenerating. But this help also made it necessary to destroy Unimatrix Zero – leaving Seven and Axum without a possibility to meet and get reacquainted as Seven was still only remembering parts of her virtual life. And Axum's ship was on the other side of the galaxy in the Beta-Quadrant.

This had happened ten days ago and since then Seven seemed to be absent-minded, probably – as Janeway assumed – mourning the loss of her lover.

Sometimes during these days Janeway found herself under a scrutinizing gaze from Seven and wondered if she secretly blamed Janeway for the necessity to shut down Unimatrix Zero. If so, there was nothing Janeway could do about it. They all had to live with the consequences of starting a Borg-revolution. Maybe in time the wounds would heal – for both of them.

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

The door chime sounded and before Janeway had even lifted her head, Seven had entered the room. With a frown Janeway closed the book she was reading. Seven hadn't stormed into her quarters like that in quite some time.

"Captain, I wish to speak with you."

"I guessed as much," Janeway said dryly. "Take a – " she lifted a hand. "Just keep standing and forget I said anything."

"Captain?" Seven cocked her head questioningly.

"Something is bothering you and I know you won't sit down."

"I'm not bothered, I just want to speak with you."

"Then by all means speak," Janeway said and leaned back in the chair, her eyes on the ramrod stature of Seven, who looked out the window, took in a breath before focusing on Janeway again.

"Since I have been to Unimatrix Zero my mind seems to be occupied with a lot of other things."

 _With Axum,_ Janeway thought to herself and it took all her willpower to stay still in her chair. But there was nothing she could do about the ache in her chest and the slight feeling of nausea.

There was silence and Janeway realised that she had dropped her gaze to her hands. She looked up meeting Seven's eyes. "Yes?"

"I… am thinking of personal relationships."

 _Please don't tell me you want to leave Voyager – and me – and search for Axum._

"I feel compelled to –" Seven looked away and then back to Janeway. "I believe I want to experience that again."

Janeway's mouth went dry. "I understand," she said, forcing a small smile.

"The Doctor encouraged me to do so," Seven said. "But not with him," she added wryly.

This time the smile was real, as Janeway remembered the Doctor's infatuation with the beautiful – if challenging – ex-drone. Then she concentrated on Seven again. "Why exactly are you here?"

Again Seven's gaze flickered away for a moment, then her eyes fixed intensely on Janeway, who knew Seven well enough by now to know that this was to be the part that was really important. Everything else had just been a prelude.

"You told me about the bond between the two of us, back then when I overloaded my cortical implant. I wish to know what kind of bond you were talking about."

Usually Janeway had a really good poker face, but she wasn't sure if she'd managed to keep a straight face. She hadn't seen that one coming. "What kind of bond we have?" She asked to buy herself some time.

"Yes, Captain."

 _Damn!_ "Well, at first it was me being your mentor. Now it has grown into a friendship, at least I would consider you a friend." _That's not what you_ really _want, though, is it?_

Seven's eyes didn't waver at all. "May I ask you something?"

Given that so far Janeway hadn't refused her any questions, she couldn't start now, could she? That would make an already strange moment even more odd. "Go ahead," she said warily.

"You consider Lieutenant Commander Tuvok to be your friend, am I correct?"

Janeway nodded nonplussed. _What had Tuvok to do with this?_

"Yet even though you consider him to be your friend, your pulse does not increase when you see him. Your pupils don't dilate."

 _Oh no, please don't!_ Under Seven's scrutiny Janeway felt like a deer in the headlights. How could she have forgotten that Seven could read those symptoms as easily as Janeway could read a book? _Stupid, I've been so stupid!_

"In my research about human mating behaviour I found those symptoms to indicate a sexual interest. Is that accurate?"

There was no way Janeway could keep sitting. In one swift movement she was out of the chair and went across the room to stand in front of the bulkhead. With her back to Seven, Janeway gave her the answer she already knew. "Yes." Janeway crossed her arms before her and stared out to the stars that were streaking by.

"There is only one person aboard this vessel, where I notice that my pulse increases to approximately 2.3 its normal frequency and my temperature rises about 1.4 degrees."

It took Janeway a moment to realise that Seven wasn't talking about her, Janeway, that in fact she was talking about herself. Slowly Janeway turned around and was surprised to find that Seven had moved towards her. Janeway's heart jumped and a surge of heat shot through her. This time, however, she was very aware that Seven would register everything, especially since she was only a couple of feet away. Even more warmth spread throughout her body.

"Seven, please…" Janeway's words were a mere whisper.

"I have considered using a hologram," Seven said, her eyes roaming over Janeway, causing Janeway to almost moan and she pressed her lips together tightly.

"But even though I gave the computer very precise parameter, among other things it failed to capture the shades of irises I seek," Seven said, and then added: "I find the program to be lacking. If my duties allow it I'll rectify that."

Janeway felt torn between wanting to bolt from the room and bursting out laughing about Seven's dissatisfaction with the performance of the computer.

"But since I've heard and witnessed the effect of getting involved with a hologram, I stopped my efforts."

"Very wise," Janeway muttered. "Been there, done that."

"Michael Sullivan?"

For once it was embarrassment that caused Janeway's cheeks to heat. She nodded.

"Was he not adequate?"

Janeway smiled crookedly. "For a little while."

"Why not anymore?"

"Seven, don't." Janeway shook her head slightly.

Seven took a small step closer and Janeway swallowed.

"Please, Captain," she said quietly but intensely.

Janeway should tell her that it was a private subject; she should tell Seven that it was none of her business. And Janeway most definitely should ask her to leave. Yet, as she stared into Seven's eyes, she didn't say any of the things she _should_ tell her. "He was a distraction."

Cocking her head, Seven said: "It's not like you to avoid my questions, Captain."

"No, no it's not," Janeway allowed. "But actually I don't want to talk about it." Why was there never a red alert when you really needed one? She cleared her throat. "Maybe its better if you-"

"You won't admit your feelings for me and you don't want to know that I'm sexually attracted to you," Seven stated. "Why?"

Gasping for air, Janeway felt her knees go weak. A part of her – the private part – was overjoyed to hear the words, to know that Seven wanted her. It was something Janeway had never dared to hope for or even dream about – not too much anyway. At the same time she felt a bone deep sorrow inside of her, because it would never come to anything between the two of them.

So it was a very sad smile that Janeway gave Seven. "Because before it was only me who was interested in someone I couldn't have," she answered quietly.

Seven reached out and caught a tear that Janeway hadn't even noticed. This tender gesture made her heart ache even more.

"Now…" Janeway swallowed around the lump in her throat. "Now we both yearn for something we can't have."

Seven lifted her eyes from the tear drop to look at Janeway. "Explain."

"I am the captain of this ship," she said, pulling her shoulders back. "I have a responsibility and Starfleet-Protocol-"

"Starfleet-Protocol does not accept certain couplings among a crew," Seven interrupted Janeway with a haughty expression. "However, I am not Starfleet. It would be more accurate to describe me as a private contractor. There is nothing to be found in the protocol that speaks against a relationship between a member of a crew and a private contractor. In my research I found a lot of references to where crew members had their spouses on board their vessel." The implant above Seven's eye rose. "Even captains."

Janeway's mind started spinning with sudden possibilities and she blinked. "Alright," she said. "But there's also the fact that you've only been severed from the Borg for a very short time and-"

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Seven interjected – _again_. "But I've experienced a vast range of human behaviour since I came here. As you keep saying, this is only a small vessel. And there is the knowledge I gained in the time I was with the Borg."

"Which is only intellectually. There is so much more to experience!"

"Irrelevant. I'll still experience life as a human, in all probability even more so."

"What about Axum?"

"Axum reminded me of what I once had, not of what I could have with him in the future." Seven cocked her head. "Are you finished arguing?"

"I'm much too old for you," Janeway blurted. "You should be with someone closer to your age."

"I want to be with _you_."

There it was, plain and simple.

"Seven," Janeway said, her voice almost breaking as she reached out to softly squeeze Seven's arm. "My dear Seven. I wish… I wish we were in other circumstances. But until I have this crew back in the Alpha Quadrant, there's only one priority for me." She blinked to keep the tears at bay. _And unfortunately it's not you_. Janeway pulled her hand back.

"Captain, I am very well aware that the ship and this crew will always come first. You don't have to explain that. I have witnessed it since I came aboard." Seven said, her expression growing fierce, her eyes flashing. "What I fail to comprehend, however, is you not allowing yourself to be a human being with needs and wants, not even when there isn't an emergency."

Janeway opened her mouth to argue, then closed it again. Not that she would have gotten a word in, because Seven continued.

"And as full of regulations and rules the Starfleet-Protocol might be, I don't believe that Starfleet would deny their captains to be human. Especially in a case like yours, where it could very well take decades to get back to the Federation."

Janeway starred at Seven for a long moment. Then she finally and very quietly admitted the truth: "I'm scared."

"Please explain," Seven said, her face softening.

"I'm afraid that I would treat you differently."

Seven's crested implant shot up. "Is that not the reason why people engage in private relationships? I believed a sex partner to be treated quite differently than your average acquaintance."

Janeway couldn't help it, she laughed out loud. "Yes, yes of course. But I was actually talking about when we are on duty and what I would do if there was a potential dangerous situation, where my mind knew exactly that it would be best to send you. I'm scared that my feelings for you would cloud my judgement."

"They won't," Seven stated simply, lifting her chin.

"You sound very sure of that."

"I _am_ very sure of that," she confirmed. "Have they influenced you in the past?"

"That's different," Janeway countered and crossed her arms.

Once again the implant rose. "Your logic is flawed, Captain," Seven said. "Your feelings for me did not suddenly develop overnight."

Janeway gave her a dark look.

"Am I wrong?"

"Since you seem to be the expert here, why don't you tell me?"

For a split second Seven's eyes narrowed as if she was – calculating?

"Stop!" Janeway held up both hands. "Don't even go there." Due to her Borg-enhanced memory Seven could probably tell down to the nanosecond when she first noticed the symptoms. _Thank you, but no thank you._

"You don't want to know?"

Janeway shook her head.

"Very well, then I'll rest my case," Seven said. "You've so far shown no tendencies to favour me."

"But if I let you any closer I might love you even more," Janeway said softly. "Then what?"

The brilliant smile on Seven's face took her breath away. _Oh my gods!_ Janeway thought as she starred at her. Had Seven been stunning before, now she was mesmerizing. Janeway had never seen this side of her. She'd seen her frustrated, determined, fierce, arrogant and dry witted. But this open and happily beaming Seven was a first.

"You should see yourself," Janeway whispered.

Seven cocked her head, her smile only fading a little. "Why?"

"Because I've never seen you look just – happy. It's really lovely."

"Considering the nature of our discussion, it shouldn't come as a surprise that it makes me happy to hear your declaration of love."

"I guess not," Janeway replied with a smile. Then she looked at the ex-drone questioningly. "Bearing in mind your former attitude towards friendship, it's quite fascinating that even deeper emotions like love seem to come rather easily."

"As you said, former attitude. I have been reconsidering the concept of relationships since then," Seven replied. "Even though there are actions done in the name of love that I will never understand," she added as in an after-thought, then: "To me this development is actually logical."

"Of course it is."

"Just as logical as being very well-prepared before approaching you."

"You…what?" Janeway blinked in surprise. "Elaborate." Sometimes Borg-phrasings weren't only very efficient, they were also much easier on a muddled brain.

Seven straightened up again. "I surmised my previous experience with you and considering that you hold the Starfleet-Protocol in high regard, I researched it accordingly," she explained. "There is no precedence for a case where a ship got lost for several years, however. This is why I reviewed your treatment of the crew in the past."

"Alright", Janeway said, taken aback. "Go on."

"While you expect a lot of your crew, you always make sure that they also get time to regenerate – or recuperate if you prefer," Seven said with a small smile. "This is especially true after a crisis," she continued. "By now there's more than just one couple on board the ship." Seven lifted her eyebrow, moving the implant atop of it. "You make sure that everyone has time to be something or rather someone else in addition to only being a part of a vast engine. The only one that is not permitted to be human is you."

"Who would understand that I have a duty to fulfil?" _Who except a hologram that I could turn off if need be?_

"I would understand that if we were on duty or if there would be an emergency that you would be the captain first."

"Would you still understand that after the umpteen time we've been interrupted?"

Seven cocked her head. "Are you referring to being interrupted while having intercourse?"

"No!" Janeway gaped at her. "Yes, I mean… damn. Not just that," she sputtered.

"I am very certain that having intercourse with you is even more enjoyable than the fragments I remember from Unimatrix Zero. Therefore I believe we would want to have a lot of intercourse. It is highly unlikely that there would always be some kind of emergency."

The sound that escaped Janeway was a mixture of a groan and a laugh. With closed eyes she rubbed her neck for a moment, hoping to gather her senses. "You won't let me off the hook, will you?" She looked up at Seven.

"The only thing that will get you _off the hook_ is for you to tell me that you do not want me."

"And that ain't gonna happen because I don't lie." Janeway said and sighed.

"Which is precisely why I chose it to be the only reason why I would stop my efforts." The crested implant lifted slightly.

"Gee whiz, Seven, you really prepared yourself for this battle," Janeway commented dryly before she got serious again. "There's one more thing that you should take into consideration."

Seven looked at her questioningly.

"When people get closer, they get to learn more about each other," Janeway explained. "As a private person I won't always be strong and reasonable, I'll feel sad, grumpy, frustrated and full of doubt."

The expression in Seven's face didn't change as if she was still waiting.

"I'm not perfect."

"You can't be perfect, you are human," Seven stated, the corner of her mouth twitching.

Janeway gave her a mock glare. "I'm serious, Seven."

"So am I, but let me rephrase that: you are perfectly human."

"You have no idea," Janeway replied under her breath, then said in a more normal tone: "Do you really want to try this?"

"Yes." Again, plain and simple.

 _Were there reasons why I shouldn't do this? Plenty. Was I scared? Terrified was more like it. Did I want to give this a shot anyway? Hell, yes!_

"Okay-" Janeway started but then Seven's Com-Badge chirped and she stared at the offending gadget. She'd been asking for a red alert ten minutes ago. "You've got to be kidding me. _Now_ they interrupt?!"

Seven gave her a quizzical look but then B'Elanna's voice came through the com.

"Torres to Seven of Nine."

"Go ahead, Lieutenant."

"I've been playing with an idea to increase the engine's power. I could use your help if you're not busy."

"How much increase?" Seven asked.

"Hmm, about 0.5 maybe 0.6 percent."

"I'll be with you shortly. Seven out."

Janeway's mouth dropped open. "Are you serious? You're leaving now for increasing the power for 0.5 percent?"

"You are not the only one with an objective, Captain," Seven said. " _Your_ priority is to get back to the Alpha Quadrant and _I_ will help you in any way I can to get you there."

Janeway shook her head slightly a smile starting to spread across her face. Maybe there really was someone who would understand. "Alright."

Seven inclined her head. "Good night, Captain." She turned around and started towards the door.

"Considering our discussion, you might want to start calling me Kathryn in private."

Stopping and turning halfway back, Seven looked at Janeway. "If you insist I will comply," she replied. "But to me you will always be _my Captain_."

The way she said 'my Captain' made it feel like a caress and Janeway swayed softly on her feet.

Seven faced her. "Might I inquire to your plans for dinner tomorrow?"

Before Janeway knew it, she stood in front of Seven and smiled broadly at her. "Are you… are you asking me out on a date?", she wanted to know, feeling almost giddy with excitement.

Seven straightened up. "According to my research-"

Janeway put a finger on Seven's mouth and for a moment she was distracted by the feel of the soft lips underneath her finger. Slowly she lifted her gaze and looked back into Seven's eyes. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

Seven gave a curt nod.

Janeway smiled and cradled Seven's face tenderly. "Dinner would be lovely," she said, before she embraced Seven.

There was a slight hesitation, then Seven put her arms around Janeway and pulled her flush against her.

Full on body contact. It felt so – perfect.

Janeway felt Seven's rib cage expand and then heard her soft exhale, her arms tightening as she lowered her head beside Janeway's. Leaning her cheek against Seven's head, Janeway's hand started to move on its own volition to the nape of Seven's neck and her fingers began to stroke the warm and soft skin there.

A shiver went through Seven and she lifted her head. Impossible blue eyes bore into Janeway's.

"I need to go," she said quietly.

"I know," Janeway said with a soft smile. "You have an objective."

"Yes," Seven replied. "That, however, is not the reason why I _need_ to go."

"What is it then?"

Seven reached up, untangled Janeway's arms from around her neck and stepped back. "Because otherwise I might revert back to when I believed that this pretence about getting to know each other is a waste of time, when you want to have intercourse with the person you desire," Seven said, still grasping Janeway's fingers.

Apparently, Janeway's nervous system knew right away what Seven meant, because a surge of passion shot through her while her mind was still processing the words.

Janeway tightened her grip on Seven to steady herself. Closing her eyes, she tried to get at least a semblance of control over herself. Then she remembered the feel of the skin underneath her fingertips. Janeway's mouth went dry and she moistened her lips – which reminded her of Seven's. She opened her eyes focusing right onto those full lips.

"I believe kissing you would be an unwise decision."

Janeway nodded without lifting her eyes. "Yes, it would be. I might want to agree about wasting time and such."

As Janeway looked up into Seven's eyes, her pupils were wide open, leaving only small slivered blue circles around them.

"I really need to go now." Seven's tone was low.

"I know." Squeezing her fingers lightly, Janeway stepped back until their fingers parted, sliding against each other. "And as much as I want you – and I really do – I need you to go, for both our sakes."

Seven inclined her head. "Once again, good night, _Captain_." Another caress with her voice.

Janeway smiled. "Good night, Seven."

This time nothing stopped Seven on the way out and soon Janeway was alone. Alone with her befuddled mind, her whirling emotions and her raging hormones.

In a daze she moved towards a chair and let herself fall into it. What had just happened? For months Janeway had reminded herself about the many reasons why she couldn't and shouldn't get involved with Seven. After arguing for hours with herself she had finally accepted that it wouldn't, that it couldn't ever happen.

Had Seven really just barged in here and – Janeway's gaze flickered to the time piece on the mantle and she snorted softly – in less than an hour had her convinced otherwise? _Very efficient, Seven_ , she thought dryly.

All of a sudden she felt exhausted and despite the fact that her mind would most certainly keep her awake for hours, she decided to go to bed.

To her surprise, Janeway was asleep in minutes, getting the best rest she'd had in quite some time.

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I hope you don't mind me posting ahead of schedule ;o)

Thank you to the guest, who left a note. Much appreciated :o)

Upon waking up, Janeway stretched lazily with a smile on her face. What a nice dream, she thought. Granted, the memory of having Seven's body flush against her own felt more like remembering rather than dreaming, and a soft shiver ran through her. But discussing a possible relationship with Seven could only be a dream

Janeway rolled onto her side and pushed the pillow into the right position, allowing herself to bask in the afterglow of the dream for a few more minutes. Her fingertips tingled as she remembered touching Seven's skin and lips. Janeway's breath quickened and the tingling sensation spread from her fingers into her arm.

Snapping her eyes open, Janeway sat up. "Enough of that," she said to herself. "Remember why this isn't a good idea." She swung her legs over the edge of the bed.

 _"_ _There's nothing to be found in the protocol that speaks against a relationship between a member of_ _the crew and a private contractor_ ," Seven's voice sounded in Janeway's head and she froze.

 _"_ _What I fail to comprehend, however, is you not allowing yourself to be a human being with needs and wants."_

Everything Seven had said and done was burned into Janeway's mind and it didn't fade back into her subconscious like dreams usually do. Talking about her subconscious, why would it let Seven really leave instead of giving in to what they both had clearly wanted? Self-preservation only went that far after all.

Had it been real? Had Seven really been there last night? Was it possible that it hadn't been just a dream after all?

"Computer, was there someone beside myself in my quarters last night?" _Great, Kathryn, just keep beating around the bush._

"Confirmed."

"Who…" Janeway swallowed. "Who was it?"

"Seven of Nine was in your quarters last night."

"How long was she here?"

"Thirty-eight minutes and nineteen seconds."

"That means I really have a dinner date with Seven tonight?"

"Unable to confirm, please specify your question."

Janeway rolled her eyes. As if she'd expected an answer to that question. But at least that got her out of her stupor and she stood up. She had to get ready for a new day in the Delta Quadrant.

Once in the shower with warm water washing over her, Janeway's mind wandered back to the night before, or rather what repercussions a relationship with Seven might bring. What would Chakotay or Tuvok think, or the rest of the crew? There was still some animosity towards Seven. Would that get worse?

 _This is getting me nowhere_ , Janeway thought. _Time to compartmentalize._

Twenty minutes later Janeway stepped out of the Turbolift and onto the Bridge. "Good morning, everyone. Anything to report?"

Chakotay turned his head to look at Janeway. "Nothing at all, quiet sailing."

"Very well, I'll be in my Ready Room. Chakotay, you have the Bridge."

"Aye, Captain."

 _My Captain._ Funny how the same word could feel so different, Janeway thought as she went to her office.

After getting a cup of coffee, Janeway sat behind her desk and turned her attention to the messages she had received during the night, scanning them for importance. Amongst all the reports was a private message from Seven. Janeway hesitated only for a moment, then – with a deep sigh – made herself go through some of the reports first.

One and a half hour later – and with fresh coffee – she allowed herself to take a break and opened Seven's message.

 _"_ _Captain,_

 _please specify your wishes for tonight as I am uncertain about what would be appropriate. I know you to be a rather private person, so I am unsure about meeting in the Mess Hall. Considering our reaction to each other last night, I'm fairly certain we won't be able to contain ourselves if we were to meet in your quarters. At least I wouldn't be able to concentrate on our conversation. Even my self-control does have its limits."_

Despite the flare of passion that shot through her, Janeway laughed softly. In her mind Seven's voice sounded more like _"even my_ superior _self-control"._

The door chime sounded.

"Come in."

Tuvok came in with a PADD in his hand. "The security report from the Gamma Shift, Captain," he said as he handed it to Janeway.

"Anything special in it?"

"No, Captain."

"Alright, then it will have to get into line." Janeway placed the PADD on the desktop. Looking up again, she surprised herself by saying: "Tuvok, I need your advice."

"Certainly."

"You might want to take a seat, this make take a while."

"As you wish," he replied and settled himself in the seat before the desk.

"Where to start?" Janeway pondered aloud. "How about: I was approached by someone who wishes to engage in a relationship with me."

"And?"

"And?" Janeway repeated incredulously. "No regulations, stipulations or rules that come to your mind?"

"Do you wish me to recite all of them? Or is there something specific you are asking for, Captain?"

Of course Janeway's glare did nothing to frazzle the stoic Vulcan. Tuvok simply raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"How about the captain isn't supposed to fraternize with the crew?" Janeway asked.

"That would depend on your definition of fraternizing as well as on the rank of the crew member in question or if it is a private contractor."

"There is a difference between regular members of a crew and a contractor?"

"Yes, Captain," Tuvok confirmed.

Janeway leaned back in her chair. "So Starfleet isn't opposed to relationships between a contractor and a captain?"

"Not as far as I know," Tuvok replied. "But I am sure that the private contractor in question could recite the references more accurately then I could at this moment."

Janeway gave him a crooked smile. "You know who it is," she stated and lifted her cup.

"There aren't that many people on this ship that could be considered as such. And I find it hard to believe that you would contemplate Mr. Neelix to be a possible mate for you."

The coffee Janeway had in her mouth went down the wrong way. Sputtering, Janeway shot a glare at Tuvok.

"I take that as an agreement to my statement."

Still coughing, she nodded, while Tuvok watched her with unreadable eyes.

"Impeccable timing, Commander," Janeway rasped after a moment.

No reaction whatsoever from Tuvok.

"But no, Neelix is definitely not up for consideration."

"There is only one logical partner for you here on Voyager," Tuvok stated in his lecture mode.

"Go on."

"Seven of Nine."

"Care to explain the logic?" Janeway asked, bracing her arms on the desk and leaning forward.

"For one thing, she is not intimidated by you or your rank," Tuvok said.

Janeway laughed. "There is one or the other person around who isn't."

"Correct, but they wouldn't suit you in other areas."

Now Janeway leaned back. "I'm listening."

"Seven is intelligent, strong-minded and she has proven her loyalty to you and her _collective_ on many occasions. Despite her loyalty, she doesn't hesitate to confront you."

"And now she even waits until we're alone before she starts arguing," Janeway muttered.

"Proving my point."

"Because of the arguing?" Janeway wanted to know.

"No, because she has the respect to wait, which she had to learn under unusual circumstances."

Janeway sighed deeply. "She's come a long way."

"Indeed," he said. "I believe you both to complement each other."

Janeway shook her head. "Seven waltzed in on me, took apart every single argument I have created in the past months, very efficiently and in a most logical manner, I might add," she told him. "I need a clear mind which isn't clouded by the feelings. How can I get involved in a romantic relationship, when I have this crew to take care of and which I have to get home?"

"Captain, have you ever considered that the crew might benefit from having a content leader? Punishing yourself because you feel guilty of having stranded Voyager in the Delta Quadrant does not make a content leader."

Janeway just stared at Tuvok.

"Even I find it unsettling at times to be so far from T'Pal and my children," Tuvok said. "But where Vulcans seek solitude, you do not. You don't thrive on your own," he stated.

Still she didn't know what to say.

"With your permission, I'd like to get back to my duties now."

Janeway nodded. "Granted," she said very quietly.

Tuvok got up and strode towards the exit.

"Thank you, my friend."

He paused briefly. "You are welcome, Captain."

Janeway's gaze lingered on the closed door for quite some time after Tuvok had left.

It really had never occurred to her, that being in a relationship might have a boost on the crew's morale. But she definitely liked the thought, ignoring the guilt-and-punishment-issue for now. She so did not want to get into this at the moment.

Janeway emptied her cup and returned back to Seven's message. "Now, where was I? Ah, yes, the _superior_ self-control."

 _Being with you on a holodeck would pose the same difficulty. Would you please inform me about your wishes including the time we are supposed to meet?_

 _Best Regards_

 _Seven_

Janeway thought for a minute and then sent a short message back that she would gladly meet Seven at 1900 hours in either the Mess Hall or at Sandrine's if she preferred it and that she was looking forward to it.

The only place Janeway really didn't want to go to was the Fair Haven-simulation, which is why she didn't mention it.

After that Janeway went back to her work, using the quiet stretch of space they were in to put a serious dent in the stack of piled-up PADDs.

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

Chakotay came in at the end of his shift to give his report, which reminded Janeway to keep an eye on the time. Once he left she finished the report she had started and after checking in on the Bridge, she quickly made her way to her quarters.

Now that there were no more messages about burnt out plasma relays, stolen items (which had only been lent to someone) and such things to keep Janeway's mind occupied, she suddenly felt excited about the evening. Excited and nervous.

This was her first real date in ages. It wasn't just a get-together with the crew, or sharing a meal with her second in command. And it wasn't anything like a date with her then-fiancé.

 _Take a deep breath. You're going to be fine,_ Janeway told herself, dashing around a corner, almost colliding with an Ensign from engineering, who apologized for not seeing her sooner.

"Nothing to worry about," Janeway said over her shoulder, while hurrying on. Just one more corner and she was finally at her quarters.

The door hadn't even finished closing when Janeway reached up to unclip the Com-Badge und unzip her jacket. Heading through the room she asked for more light. Once in the bedroom she undid her insignias – of course losing one of the little buggers and having to search for it underneath the bed – before she slipped out of her clothes, stuffed them into the container to get them recycled and stepped in front of her wardrobe.

There hadn't been much in there in the first place, since this had started out as a two week away mission and there hadn't been added much either. Other things had always been more important.

Janeway stared into the sparsely filled wardrobe and had no clue what to wear. Of course she wanted to look good, but not overdressed. Which meant that a dress was out of the question. That left a pair of slacks. Easy enough since she had only two of them – besides a couple of uniform pants. Now for the hard part.

Janeway stood and stared blankly for what seemed like several minutes even though there where only four tops to choose from.

 _Alright, Kathryn, standing here for minutes on end is not getting you anywhere._

"Computer, what is the time?"

"It is now 1824 hours."

Okay, shower first, nothing to think about there.

The problem with nothing to think about was that it left you plenty of time to worry. What if they couldn't find something to talk about? What if Seven decided at the last minute that she didn't want to get involved with Janeway? She'd had enough time to reconsider. What if-

Janeway groaned loudly. "Enough already, you're acting like a – teenager!" That actually made her laugh, taking at least some of her anxiousness away.

Briskly finishing her shower, Janeway dried herself off and chose one of her favourite pairs of nice undergarments. Next were the slacks and after only a brief hesitation, she went for the dark green top. She liked the contrast of it to her reddish hair and for a change it was something where she could leave some buttons open opposed to her uniform. Back into the bath for some eyeliner, mascara and lipstick, a dash of perfume – done! Well, almost. Bedroom again and on with the shoes. No problem there, since she only had one pair of casual pumps.

"Computer, time?"

"It is now 1854 hours."

"Perfect." Janeway grabbed her Com-Badge and attached it to her blouse on the way through the living room – only to stop dead. They had actually never agreed on where to meet. Hitting the Com Janeway started walking again. "Janeway to Seven of Nine."

"Seven here."

"I'm on my way, where are we meeting?"

"I'm at-"

The door swished open and revealed Seven.

"-your door."

Janeway's momentum carried her right into Seven who caught her by the shoulders.

Standing so close to Seven and staring into her eyes, Janeway couldn't breathe. Her mouth went dry and she swallowed.

"Captain?"

When had Janeway closed her eyes? She lifted heavy lids to look at Seven.

"Are you feeling well?"

Janeway gave her a soft smile and nodded. "Oh, yes, I am," she replied, her voice rather breathless. "It's just…" Janeway's gaze flickered down to Seven's full bottom lip and she imagined how it would feel to suck on it or to bite gently into it. This time Janeway closed her eyes on purpose, letting out a low laugh. "It's just that I want to-" she looked into Seven's eyes. "I want to kiss you so badly. But I'm not sure I could walk afterwards, leave alone sit somewhere public without making a complete fool out of myself."

Seven's eyes widened and Janeway heard the sharp intake of her breath. "I… I am unsure on how to proceed."

Breathing in deeply, Janeway smiled sheepishly. "Since I really need some food, I suggest we both take a step back and then head for the Mess Hall."

"You haven't eaten?" Seven asked and stepped back.

"No, I have been busy with stacks and more stacks of more or less interesting reports."

"Then we shall go and get you some nutrients."

"Alright." Janeway stepped fully out of the door and headed to the right, Seven falling into step beside her.

While they walked, Janeway looked at Seven, taking in her simple but very classy outfit, composed of black slacks and a black turtleneck. "You look really nice." And it also felt very nice to have her walking beside her, to feel her presence.

"Thank you." Seven gave Janeway a brief glance. "I was thinking the same about you, but I got – distracted."

"So was I." Janeway smiled without looking at Seven. She saw a crew-member at the far of cross section and felt Seven abruptly moving away from her. Janeway looked at her and was surprised to find the expression to be the cool and aloof one, Seven usually wore. Janeway reached for her elbow to stop her. "Seven, what just happened?" Janeway wanted to know.

"I am attempting to respect your privacy," Seven answered, her back straight, her hands behind her back.

"From whom?"

"Ensign Bronowski just crossed the corridor and I was not certain if he had seen us."

"He was looking at a PADD," Janeway said and then remembered Seven writing something about her, Janeway, being a private person. "Do you believe I don't want to be seen with you unless it's work related?"

"I am Borg, Captain."

"You are confusing me, Seven. What are you saying?"

"That I would understand if you feel the necessity to keep our – involvement a secret."

"The hell you would," Janeway said, and from the way the crested implant moved up, she said it with enough force to make an impact. "That's not how it's going to be, Seven. I might not flaunt my personal relationship to the world by crawling all over you wherever we are, but I will not keep it a secret. I am not ashamed to be seen with you."

"But I am Borg."

"You are an ex-drone," Janeway said. "You're also a highly intelligent, multifaceted and very attractive young woman, with a wonderfully wicked sense of humour. You are paying me quite the compliment by wanting to be with me."

Seven's eyes moved back and forth between Janeway's.

"Granted," Janeway said with a grin, "some people might think me crazy by getting involved with someone as stubborn as you, but I've been called worse."

Seven's chin lifted, but before she could say anything, Janeway challenged her: "Or do you believe we will fail at this, and therefore it's better if we're not seen together in the first place?"

And there it was: Seven's face morphed into her expression of arrogant self-confidence. "We will not fail."

"Oh?" Janeway lifted an enquiring eyebrow, supressing a smile.

"We have already spent time together even though we were not on duty. We had many discussions, we did physical exercise together and we even spent time with recreational activities. I fail to see why that would change."

"So there's a chance for us?" Janeway's stomach gurgled. "And some food for me in the near future?" She added with a smile.

"Yes." Plain and simple.

Janeway gestured with her head and they continued on their way, arriving at the Mess Hall a short while later.

"Do you have any preferences concerning the seating arrangements?"

"I do," Janeway said and put her hand on Seven's back. "Over there in the corner," Janeway added, steering her in the right direction, while greeting and smiling at everyone they passed.

Once seated – putting Seven in the chair with the back to the room – it didn't take long for Neelix to appear and ask for their wishes.

Janeway chose the Jibalian Seven-Spice Omelette – very pointedly not looking at Seven – and some white wine.

Much to Janeway's surprise, Seven went for Macaroni and Cheese with some water.

As much as he tried, Neelix had no chance of convincing Seven to try anything different and he left after the third recline, muttering something about the Borg having ruined Seven's taste buds.

"Captain, may I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Even though I've always been aware of your touch, that awareness seems to have intensified since yesterday. Is this a common occurrence? It is most distracting."

"In a bad way?"

Seven averted her eyes but then looked up again. "Not particularly. But it is rather disconcerting to have to concentrate on something as simple as breathing or walking while my attention is fixed on how your hand feels on my back."

Janeway nodded with a soft smile. "I know what you mean. Just before, when I ran into you and you held me, I almost couldn't breathe."

Seven cocked her head. "But why now?"

They were interrupted by Neelix, who with much flourish and chitter chatter put their glasses in front of them before he scurried away again.

Janeway took her glass and tipped it towards Seven. "To us."

With a tiny smile playing around her lips, Seven took her glass and clinked it against Janeway's. "To us."

They both sipped from their drinks.

"To answer your question, I'm not quite sure. Maybe it's because – at least in my case – now that I've decided to give this – us – a chance, my body is in warp-drive." Janeway smiled whimsically. "Jumping at every opportunity to get excited whenever you are close."

Seven's expression turned from taking in information to… Janeway blinked. Could it be that she looked smug?

Janeway grinned at Seven. "You like that."

"Yes, I do," Seven replied. "However, I'm surprised about the lack of concern that holds for you. I have learned that you don't like being out of control."

Heat crept into Janeway's cheeks. "In everyday life I don't and as a captain certainly not," she answered. "And there will be times I can't or won't allow my hormones to rule my decisions. But other than that I'm very pleased about this particular excitement and the way it makes me feel when you're close." Janeway locked eyes with Seven. "And…" she took in a deep breath. "And there are times when I don't want to be in control. But I'd rather get into this later, if you don't mind." Janeway reached out and softly squeezed Seven's hand. "Please," she added, before pulling her hand back.

"As you wish."

"Thank you," Janeway whispered just before their food arrived and Neelix – again with much aplomb but less chatter – put the plates in front of them.

They ate a couple of bites, then Seven looked up with a pleased expression in her face. "Are you enjoying your omelette with the seven spices?"

"Yes," Janeway replied. "And I really love the taste." She let her eyes move down to Seven's mouth and said: "But I'm convinced that I'll like the taste of _Seven_ even better."

Seven's lips parted slightly and her hand that had been half way up to her mouth lowered again.

Feeling contrite Janeway put down her own fork. "I'm sorry for teasing you like that. It's not fair since you're not used to it."

"Please do not apologize," Seven said. "I am pleased to hear that you believe you will like my taste." She frowned and looked at her plate. "But I am unsure if I will be able to consume the nutrition."

"Why is that?"

"There is a strange fluttering sensation inside my stomach and my esophagus seems to have closed itself up."

It was a unique experience to hear Seven describe her physical reaction and Janeway smiled at her.

"I've had my share of butterflies in my stomach – that's what we call it – as I was getting ready," Janeway told her.

Seven eyes narrowed. "Will you not be able to ingest you nutrition? You said you needed some."

"I'm more used to this then you are," Janeway replied fondly. "I might not finish it, though." She looked at Seven. "You want to help me?"

"How?"

Instead of saying anything, Janeway cut a fresh piece of omelette and held out the fork in front of Seven's mouth.

Seven looked at her, then down to Janeway's hand and finally moved her head to take the offering.

Janeway swallowed as she watched Seven' mouth open for the food. Seven's eyes moved back to Janeway's as the fork slid out from between her closed lips.

Janeway's mouth watered and she swallowed again, before taking a deep breath to calm herself. It didn't help much. There were at least half a dozen butterflies inside her and yes, her throat had just closed up.

"Considering your reaction this seems to be an intimate gesture."

Janeway simply nodded. Indeed it was.

With her chin Seven nodded to Janeway's plate. "You should proceed."

"Not sure I can."

"If I can, so do you," Seven stated. "The taste is actually better than most of the other dishes here. It must be the _seven_ spices."

That made Janeway laugh. "You are quite full of yourself."

Lifting the crested implant enquiringly Seven asked: "What else should I be full of?"

"Quite right, it's just an old phrase from earth for being self-confident," Janeway explained and at last cut a piece of omelette for herself. It really was one of Neelix' best recipes.

After downing her mouthful Janeway pointed to the other end of the omelette. "If you like you can have some. You've got cutlery right there."

Seven hesitated for a moment then, after pushing her own plate to the side, took her fork and knife, and together they ate the omelette in silence – which didn't take too long.

"Better," Janeway said and put the napkin aside.

"Are you feeling energized again?"

"Yes, I do," Janeway replied. "Do you mind if I have a cup of coffee before we leave?"

"No."

Janeway was tempted to use the Com to keep the interruptions to a minimum, but instead decided to simply get the coffee herself. "I'll be right back."

Getting up, Janeway strode quickly towards the counter. She was aware of eyes following her but since there was always a certain attention on her when she came here, she wasn't sure if she only felt it more or if there was actually more scrutinizing.

Reaching the counter, Janeway leaned on it looking to the backroom where she heard bustling. "Neelix, is there some coffee for me?"

"I'll be right with you, Captain."

"Thanks." Janeway straightened up and turned a little sideways, letting her gaze sweep over the whole room – until she noticed that Seven had turned in the chair and was watching her. That explained a lot about Janeway's feeling of having eyes on her. She smiled at Seven.

"Are you having a pleasant evening, Captain?" Neelix asked.

Janeway's eyes lingered a moment longer on Seven, then she turned to Neelix. "Yes, I am."

"It shows, if I may say so," Neelix said and handed her the coffee she had ordered.

"Thank you, Neelix," Janeway replied, leaving it up to him to determine what exactly she was thanking him for. Then she took the cup and made her way back to their table.

"Imagine that," Janeway said as she sat down. "It seems obvious that I'm having a good time."

"Why would I need imagination for that if I can see it for myself?"

"Seven," Janeway said with a laugh. "We really need to bring you up to speed about those common phrases that I use."

"Very well, Captain. I shall create a special PADD which I can carry with me and take notes whenever I am around you," she deadpanned and before Janeway could get a word in, she added. "Of course I will need one with extended memory capacities." The corner of her mouth twitched.

"You are getting the hang of – I mean you are getting quite good at teasing."

"I have an excellent teacher," Seven replied.

Grinning, Janeway lifted her cup. "I wonder who that is," she said, before taking a sip of coffee.

Seven didn't say anything, just looked at Janeway intensely, making her feel a little antsy.

"What is it?" Janeway asked after she felt like she'd been studied for an eternity.

"I am simply confirming that Neelix' observation is right," Seven said. "You do look like you are enjoying yourself."

Lowering the cup Janeway shook her head. "No, actually I'm enjoying you and the way you make me feel."

Janeway's breath caught as once again there was plain pleasure in Seven's face. Janeway's restlessness intensified and suddenly she just wanted to get out of here, even though she wasn't sure why. "Are you ready to go?"

Seven's expression fell. "Did I displease you?"

"On the contrary, Seven. I only need to get out of here."

Seven rose to her feet. "Proceed."

Janeway got up as well and together they left the Mess Hall. Once outside, Janeway linked her arm with Seven's. "Please believe me when I say that I'm in no way displeased with you or our evening together. I just couldn't sit still any longer."

Seven nodded but her expression stayed guarded as they walked and Janeway sighed softly. The silence which fell between them wasn't one of the comfortable ones they had shared before.

"I-"

"What-"

Janeway squeezed Seven's arm. "Go on, please."

"As you wish," Seven said. "I feel reluctant to end our – date, since we are both enjoying it."

"Same here."

Seven glanced at Janeway. "But we are approaching your private quarters."

As a matter of fact, they were almost there.

tbc


	5. Chapter 5

I have a question for you. I made a teaser of this story as an audio-file for a friend of mine as a b-day gift. And I was wondering if there are people here as well that would rather hear the story than read it. Mind you, English isn't my first language and then I learned it in New Zealand – so my pronunciation might sound weird, especially to folks from the US ;o)

Anyway, if there is any interest, please let me know. Thank you.

Janeway took the last couple of steps and turned towards Seven. Reaching for both her hands, Janeway felt the exoskeleton around Seven's left one solid and cool in her grasp and moved backwards until the door behind her slid open. "I'm not ready to end this evening just yet," Janeway said. "I believe that is why I couldn't sit still anymore and had to get out of the Mess Hall. I wanted to have you all to myself." Her gaze went down to Seven's mouth. "I want to know how it feels to kiss and taste you." Even to her own ears Janeway's voice sounded low and raspy.

Seven swallowed but didn't budge from the doorway as Janeway took another step backwards, trying to pull Seven inside her quarters.

"I… I might not want to stop after one kiss."

Janeway looked into Seven's eyes and shook her head slightly. "I have no intention of stopping after one kiss, Seven."

With two long strides Seven was inside, pushing Janeway with her back to the wall, accelerating Janeway's pulse to warp-speed.

Putting one hand on the nape of her neck, Janeway pulled Seven's head down until they were almost touching. Seven's breath coasted over Janeway's face, sending goose bumps all over her body. Janeway lifted her head slightly and with a soft and satisfied sigh, she did what she had wanted to do at the beginning of this evening: she caught Seven's lower lip between her own and sucked lightly on it.

Seven took a hissing breath and there was a soft thud as she braced herself on the wall beside Janeway's head. Janeway released the lip and drew the tip of her tongue over its curve.

There was another sharp inhale, then Seven's mouth covered Janeway's. Jolts of desire shot through Janeway as she felt Seven's lips part to make way for her tongue. Janeway was more than just willing to let her in and welcomed her by brushing against and sliding around Seven's tongue with her own.

A very small part of Janeway noted that she had been right, that she very much liked how Seven tasted, the mixture of spices and her very own unique flavour.

Janeway moaned as Seven pushed her tongue into her, causing her knees to go weak. Then Seven's whole body moved against her, trapping Janeway between the wall and herself. Despite being quite secure and not able to fall, Janeway clung to Seven, afraid her knees would buckle.

Seven broke the kiss and Janeway gasped for air as she stared at her. Seven's pupils were wide open, making her eyes look almost black.

"I remember that there was touching," Seven said, her voice so low Janeway could feel it vibrate through her. "Do I have permission to touch you?"

"Yes! Gods, yes please!"

Seven's hand came up and cupped her face. "I require assistance so I will know what pleases you."

Janeway let out a low laugh. "You're doing great on your own, believe me," she stated. "And finding out what the other person likes is part of the excitement. I'll let you know if I don't like something."

Seven nodded once.

"May I touch you as well?" Janeway asked, moving her fingers along Seven's neck – which felt even better than she had imagined.

"Yess!" Seven hissed, her hand sliding from Janeway's face down to her shoulder.

Janeway let her fingers wander from Seven's neck over her throat to her jaw, sliding them over the starburst-like implant, causing Seven to flinch back.

Quickly, Janeway pulled her fingers away. "I'm sorry if I hurt you, that wasn't my intention," she said.

"You did not hurt me."

"Then why…" Janeway took in the guarded look on Seven's face and her voice trailed off. Giving in to a hunch, she purposely touched the implant again, letting her fingers glide over the solid metal imbedded into the soft skin.

Seven's nostrils flared and Janeway saw something – desire? – flash in her eyes. Idly continuing the caress there, Janeway said: "This seems to be a sensitive area…"

There was a reluctant nod.

Returning her gaze to where her fingers were, Janeway stretched up and kissed Seven right on the middle of the implant, before she flicked her tongue out and licked across the rays of metal touching the skin.

"Cap-tain," Seven groaned, a tremor running through her body.

"Yes?" Janeway whispered and then followed the outline of one of the rays lazily with the tip of her tongue, provoking another shudder.

"Captain… you… don't have… to do this."

Janeway moved her head a little so she could look at Seven. "Why wouldn't I want to do this? You obviously like being touched there." Her fingers trailed once more over the starburst.

Seven closed her eyes. "Repulsive… Borg-technology."

Janeway took Seven's face between her hands and waited for Seven to open her eyes again. When she did, Janeway locked onto them. "Believe me when I say that I do not find you or anything about you repulsive."

"I…" Seven swallowed. "I find that hard to believe," she said, moving back a little. "It is a constant reminder of where I come from."

Janeway shook her head. "Not of where you come from, but of what you've been through." She stroked Seven's face with her thumbs.

"And what I have done while I was there."

"And of what you've done since you've been severed from the collective."

Seven opened her mouth but Janeway cut her off. "You are not going to win this argument, Seven," she stated. "I do not find anything about you repulsive. End of story." Janeway let her hands slide down Seven's face, across her shoulders and over her arms until she could grasp her hands. Bringing them up between them, Janeway linked their fingers and kissed each of Seven's fingers, starting with the ones with the exoskeleton. Then Janeway looked up at Seven. "That being said…" Janeway softly squeezed her hands. "If you don't _want_ me to touch your implants, then I will respect that."

"That would be hard to accomplish," Seven replied still sceptical.

"Why's that?"

"There is a large implant at my lower back, similar to this one." Seven pointed to the starburst-like one.

"Seven, if you don't want me to touch your implants I will adapt."

"I am uncertain." Seven's eyes moved back and forth between Janeway's.

"How about if we apply the same term for you as I have stated before? We see how it goes and if you feel uncomfortable with anything I do, you will let me know?"

There was a moment of silence, then Seven nodded. "Acceptable," she finally said.

"Alright then." Janeway smiled at Seven and squeezed her hands again.

Seven inhaled deeply and as she breathed out, some of the tension seemed to ease as well. "I apologize for making this situation unpleasant."

Janeway shook her head. "Nothing to apologize for," she said. "And quite honestly I'd rather have one of us feeling uncomfortable for a moment than enduring or missing something that damages this…" Janeway moved their joined hands back and forth between them. "…in the long run. I need you, no, I depend on you being open and honest with me; that you will tell me if you are not comfortable with something I do or with something I would like you to do. Can you do that?"

Seven nodded slowly.

"Good." Janeway smiled.

"Is this 'something you would like me to do' related to what you referred to at dinner but wouldn't elaborate on?"

Janeway blinked, then swallowed as she realised what Seven was talking about. Warmth flooded her cheeks. "I guess so, even though I wasn't consciously thinking about it."

"Has enough time passed since then to consider now the time as _later_?"

Janeway laughed self-consciously, averting Seven's eyes. "Actually I was talking more about days or weeks, but…" she swallowed again, suddenly very aware that this was it; this was the moment when it could all be over before it had really started; this was the moment when the only person on board Voyager Janeway wanted to and could get involved with might possibly decide that she didn't want to have a relationship with Janeway after all.

"But?"

"But since I'm already feeling awkward, I might just as well get it out," Janeway said. _And maybe it is better to have it out before both of us get even more involved._ "Do you mind if we sit down for this?"

"Will you still let me be close to you?"

Janeway nodded. "I'd like that," she said with a small smile.

"Then I don't mind," Seven stated and stepped back.

With a deep breath Janeway led Seven by her hand to the couch.

Once Seven was seated, Janeway took off her shoes and sat cross-legged beside her, her knee touching Seven's thigh.

"Before I go into any details about my personal preferences, I want to explain _why_ I'm feeling awkward."

"Understood."

 _Where to start?_ Janeway thought for a moment, then lifted her eyes to meet Seven's gaze. "Back home, when my time allowed it, there was a certain community – _my_ community – where I went to socialize. There were females from all kind of cultural and social backgrounds." Janeway decided to leave out the wide variety of transgendered people, who had been a part of this community as well. "We all had a- let's say _unusual_ desire in common and we had some pretty amazing times together." Janeway looked back and forth between Seven's eyes. "I want you to understand that I love that part of my sexuality. The only reason why I'm feeling uncomfortable is the reactions I sometimes get when I talk about my interests. Some of them have been rather severe."

"Why?"

Janeway inhaled deeply. "Because some people perceive me as a freak or as perverted or as both."

Seven cocked her head. "Are you referring to sadomasochism?"

Janeway's brows shot up in surprise. "You know about BDSM?"

"I did research human mating behaviour."

"And knowing you, your research was very thorough," Janeway said with a wry smile.

The crested implant moved up. "Of course."

Janeway's smile widened. "Of course."

"And you feel awkward because I don't know about your interests?"

"Well, you do _now_ , even if you don't know the specifics," Janeway replied.

"Yet."

Laughing softly, Janeway agreed. "Yet."

"And I do know that your desire has at least partly to do with you not wanting to be in control."

Janeway looked into Seven's eyes and nodded. "That's right," she said. "If it is consensual and if the circumstances are right, then yes, I gladly relinquish control to someone else."

"Does this entail you being bound?"

Janeway's pulse quickened as images of her being tied up by Seven flashed through her mind. _Oh dear!_ She swallowed.

Seven's eyes flicked quickly to the side of Janeway's neck, before her gaze locked onto Janeway's again.

"That is so unfair," Janeway whispered. "You already know the answer."

"Even so," Seven said, turning a little more towards Janeway. "You expect me to be open and honest. I shall expect no less from you, regardless if you believe I already know something."

Janeway just gaped at Seven.

"Does you not being in control include you being bound?" Seven asked again, her eyes fixed on Janeway's.

"Not necessarily, but yes, I like being restrained," Janeway answered softly, her heart thumping loudly in her chest. "It is hard for me to admit, but I like to be helpless and at the mercy of someone I trust to not harm me intentionally," Janeway said equally quietly.

"Do you believe me to be someone trustworthy like this?"

Janeway reached out and squeezed Seven's hand. "I trust you with my life. I know you wouldn't harm me on purpose," she said. "But I have no idea if you're even interested."

"I don't have a lot of experience from which to draw upon conclusively…" Seven said. "But considering my own reaction to having you – caught between the wall and myself and the fact that I have already conceived of 14.5 ways to bind you, I believe it safe to say that I am interested."

Janeway's laugh was a mixture of amusement, excitement and embarrassment and she covered her face with her hand.

"It was not my intention to make you feel uncomfortable."

Quickly Janeway lowered her hand and looked at Seven. "I'm not uncomfortable, or at least not in a bad way."

"Explain."

"I…" Janeway cleared her throat. "Knowing that you enjoyed it as much as I did to have me… trapped, pleases me. To know that you've already come up with 14 different ways to tie me up is – very exciting. It's also embarrassing, which in this case is even more exciting."

"14.5 ways."

"Alright, 14.5 then, but why .5?" Janeway asked curiously.

"Because of logistics," Seven answered matter-of-factly. "As of yet I am not sure how I will keep the people out of the room I have in mind."

Janeway gasped. _That's what you get for being curious, Kathryn._ Not only was Seven picturing _how_ to tie her up, no, she even considered _where_ to do so.

"Are you feeling awkward again?"

Janeway just nodded.

"In a bad way?"

"Not as long as you make sure that we're not disturbed," Janeway replied without really thinking about it. Then she blushed – and blushed even more as Seven smirked. Damn it, she actually smirked!

Janeway averted her eyes and shifted slightly.

Then there were fingers under her chin, lifting it up until she met blue eyes.

"As much as I enjoy how you react to me, I am certain I do not comprehend all the nuances of it. Since I have no intention of damaging you, I need your help to understand them," Seven said, her eyes moving back and forth between Janeway's. "But if you are willing to teach me, I am confident we will be able to fulfill your desires – and mine."

And that was the point where Janeway fell apart. She flung herself at Seven, sobbing into her shoulder, feeling a mixture of relief and gratitude, but also of joy, excitement and anticipation. Seven moved her arms around Janeway and pulled her closer until she straddled Seven's lap.

tbc


	6. Chapter 6

Janeway had no recollection on how long they sat there, her crying while Seven simply held her. But eventually the tears stopped.

"Thank you," Janeway whispered after a deep breath.

"You are welcome, even though I feel like I should be thanking you."

Straightening up on Seven's lap with a laugh, Janeway said: "Why, because I soaked your sweater?" She wiped her face with her hands and looked at the smeared make-up on them. "I'm a mess," Janeway muttered.

Seven caught Janeway's hands in her left and with the thumb of her other swept gently underneath Janeway's eyes. "No, because despite the fact that you know what I have said about human emotions in the past, you trust me enough to be vulnerable in front of me."

"I told you yesterday that I wouldn't always be reasonable and sometimes even weak."

Seven frowned slightly. "I am not sure I understand why, but despite the tears I did not perceive you as weak." She looked back at Janeway. "Vulnerable yes, but not weak. There seems to be a distinction."

Janeway didn't know what to say to express her amazement, so instead she put her hands around Seven's face and kissed her gently before she leaned her forehead against Seven's.

Seven sighed softly, but said nothing and neither did Janeway. She was just content to sit there and have Seven close to her.

Then after a moment: "Captain?"

"Yes, Seven?"

"This is a rather pleasant view I have."

Janeway moved her head back a little, just enough so she could look down between them. Due to her posture her blouse had opened and revealed quite a bit of cleavage. "Are you…" Janeway laughed and looked up. "Are you leering at my breasts?"

"As you have advised me to do more often, I have admired the view," Seven stated, lifting her chin.

Janeway laughed again. "You are incorrigible."

Seven cocked her head. "Would it be considered leering if I admired the view and at the same time tried to imagine how it would feel to touch you there?"

"Yes, I guess it would," Janeway replied, her amusement fading a little to make room for a delicate feeling of re-kindling desire.

"Then you were right," Seven said, her eyes moving back down. "I _was_ leering."

Janeway's breath caught and her nipples hardened underneath Seven's gaze.

"I haven't touched you." Seven's eyes came up again. "And yet you react."

The corner of Janeway's mouth twitched. "No, you haven't touched me. But just a moment ago, you told me that you imagined how it would feel. I take it as you _wanting_ to touch me and therefor…" Janeway shrugged. "Anticipation."

Seven's eyes stayed on Janeway's a heartbeat longer, then her gaze moved to Janeway's mouth, then slowly down her throat.

Janeway closed her eyes as a shudder went through her. "You big tease", she said hoarsely and lifted her lids again. "You're doing that on purpose!"

The implant above Seven's eye rose. "You said its _part of the fun_ to find out what the other person likes. You seem to like anticipation."

Janeway shook her head with a laugh. What had she gotten herself into? Then she tilted her head slightly. "Do you want to touch me?"

Seven's smirk faded. "Yes."

Letting go of Seven's shoulders, Janeway reached for the buttons on her top. Slowly she opened one after the other and after the third Seven shot her a mock glare.

"Now you are the one doing it on purpose."

Janeway tried to look innocent. "Doing what?"

"Teasing me."

Janeway couldn't hold back the smile anymore, but she kept also unbuttoning the blouse – just a tad faster. Seven wasn't the only one getting a little impatient.

"All done," Janeway said just a moment later, sounding quite a bit breathless, and shifted the blouse to the side.

Without breaking eye-contact, Seven moved her hands from Janeway's back to her waist and then up. As her fingers brushed against her breasts, Janeway caught her breath.

"Yes!"

Seven's eyes glittered and her fingers continued up and then across Janeway's breasts, cupping them in her hands.

Janeway arched into the touch and as Seven's fingers moved over her nipples, Janeway jumped slightly, causing Seven to stop immediately.

"Don't stop!" Janeway bent down, capturing Seven's lips for a quick kiss. "Please, don't stop," Janeway whispered close to her mouth.

Seven's fingers returned to Janeway's achingly hard nipples provoking a moan.

"Oh, yes," Janeway breathed. "So good."

Seven's tongue moved across her lower lip and Janeway gasped before she covered Seven's mouth with her own. Seven's tongue was already waiting for Janeway's and they kissed deeply, almost feverishly.

Janeway's hands were around Seven's face, stroking it, but it wasn't enough. There was not enough of Seven to feel, to touch and Janeway began to pull at the sweater – which didn't budge.

Janeway leaned her forehead against Seven's. "This has to go," Janeway said, her voice raspy and she pulled on the turtleneck again. "I need to feel you."

Seven made quick work of it and soon the black cloth lay beside them.

With a deep sigh Janeway leaned back slightly, took in Seven's pale skin and her lovely full breasts, which were encased by a red bra. That made Janeway smile _. I guess little Anika isn't the only one who likes red._

Seven breathed in deeply and through the fabric Janeway could see her nipples tightening.

"I am not sure… if I can stand much more of the teasing."

Quickly Janeway looked up. "I'm sorry," she said and touched Seven's face. "I wasn't teasing you on purpose, I was just appreciating you." Taking a quick peak, before looking up again, Janeway asked: "Can we take this to bed? I want to-" Janeway's words died in her throat, as Seven wrapped her arms around her, pulled her close and stood up. Flinging her arms around Seven's neck, Janeway let out an undignified yelp, then stared wide eyed at Seven, as she started towards the only door that lead deeper into Janeway's quarters.

"Stop." Janeway laughed, finally over her shock. "I want to get some things from the Replicator."

Seven's eyes scanned the room.

"How about just putting me down?"

Seven's eyes met Janeway's. "I'd rather not, I like having you in my arms."

Janeway leaned in, giving Seven a soft kiss. "And I shall return there very gladly after I've gotten the things I want."

"Very well," Seven replied, letting Janeway down slowly.

"Thank you." Janeway took one of Seven's hands and moved over to the Replicator. Once there Janeway asked Seven to flatten her hand before she put her own against it. "I thought so," Janeway said to herself, as she saw that Seven's fingers weren't much longer than her own.

"Computer, one box of medium sized latex-gloves and a bottle of lubricant No 4."

The computer beeped and a moment later the items Janeway had asked for appeared.

Seven reached around Janeway and took the box with the gloves. Looking from it to Janeway, Seven lifted an enquiring brow – or in her case an implant.

Janeway took the lube. "Safer sex items," she said, turning to Seven. "And yes, I know that the danger of getting SDTs is almost nil, but there are practises where you either don't want to go from – uhm… one place to the other or were it is much more comfortable if a glove is used."

"As in?"

Janeway sighed. "Why am I not surprised about the question?" Janeway started towards the bedroom, mostly to hide her blush. What would Seven be thinking? _Too late to worry about that one, my dear._ "Well, for one you don't want to put your fingers anywhere else after you've had anal-play," Janeway explained while stepping into the other room. "Then if you want to penetrate someone deeply, let's say with more than just a finger or two…" _Or four and a thumb_ , Janeway's mind added. _Just call it a fist, why don't you?_ Janeway cleared her throat. "Sometimes the lube gets absorbed by the skin of the person doing the penetrating." Janeway moved towards the nightstand.

"Which does not occur with the glove," Seven concluded from the doorway.

"Right," Janeway answered with her back to Seven and placed the lube on the nightstand.

"You are tense? Why?"

With a sigh, Janeway turned around, just slightly surprised to find that Seven was closer than she had expected. Janeway took the box Seven held out and put it beside the lube. "Because I'm feeling greedy for just wanting to be prepared," Janeway said. "But on the other hand I'm also feeling torn. I'm worried that I'm overwhelming you and that you think I expect all of this right now, tonight…" Janeway pointed behind herself. "This isn't supposed to mean anything for now, I just wanted to have them there." Janeway reached out and trailed a finger along Seven's jaw. "I so badly don't want us to have another reason why we would have to stop." Janeway gave her a half smile. "Even though anticipation is nice sometimes – another nice effect of the glove. You know exactly what's going to happen when someone puts them on."

"Sooner or later."

Janeway nodded. "Sooner or later." She reached for the button on her sleeve. "I believe it's time for sooner," Janeway said, locking eyes with Seven. After both sleeves were open, Janeway let the blouse slide down over her shoulders and arms, letting it fall to the floor. Her slacks were next and soon joined the blouse. Merely clad in her underwear Janeway stepped up to Seven, who hadn't moved a muscle. Only her eyes were following Janeway.

With the tip of her finger Janeway touched first Seven's lips, then let it trail down her chin and throat. "May I take off your pants?" Janeway asked her eyes following the finger as it went down to Seven's chest.

"Yes."

With a smile Janeway let the finger wander downwards to Seven's cleavage. Janeway heard the sharp inhale, saw and felt Seven's breasts move upwards, then the finger was off Seven's skin and on the silken material of the bra. Just a breath later there was warm skin again and Janeway could feel the muscles of Seven's stomach twitch underneath her finger.

Right above the waistband of her slacks Janeway stopped the downward motion and put the flat of her hand onto Seven. Slowly Janeway stepped around Seven, her hand gliding across the soft skin.

Janeway heard Seven's intake of breath, but beside the shiver that went through her, Seven still didn't move.

From behind her Janeway moved up close, pressing herself against Seven while her hand kept roaming Seven's midsection, soon joined by the other hand.

Seven gasped and leaned into Janeway.

With a smile Janeway kissed Seven between the shoulder blades, then feathered kisses down the spine, before following that path with the tip of her tongue.

Seven's head dipped forwards.

Again Janeway licked the soft protrusions on Seven's spine, but this time she went up to the neck, before laying another trail of kisses to the shoulder that she followed with her tongue. Then Janeway started to softly nip at Seven.

Gasping, Seven shook in Janeway's arms.

With a smile Janeway bit a little harder, teasing the skin between her teeth with her tongue.

"I… I am damaged," Seven stated hoarsely. "I am not able to move."

Janeway released the skin and kissed the spot she had bitten. "Are your limps feeling heavy and somehow sluggish?"

"Yes."

"Don't worry," Janeway replied with a smile. "I have that as well sometimes, and even if my mind is hell bent on returning the touches or just responding to them, I just can't get myself to move." Janeway licked across the slight mark she had left.

"But… I am also leaking."

It took her a second to figure out what Seven meant, then Janeway froze, only the fingers, that had been idly stroking Seven's waist, dug into her flesh. "Are you…" Janeway cleared her throat. "Are you… leaking between your legs?"

"Yes."

With a moan Janeway wrapped her arms around Seven. To know that Seven was wet with excitement sent shivers through Janeway's body and made her realize that she was _leaking_ as well – quite a bit.

"You're most definitely not damaged," Janeway said. "Just the opposite. It's actually a sign that you're enjoying what we're doing. And it's also a compliment for me."

Janeway felt Seven's ribcage expand. "If this is a sign of enjoyment… are you leaking as well?"

"Oh yes," Janeway answered. "I'm rather wet myself."

Seven turned her head and looked over her shoulder at Janeway. "If I am not damaged and you enjoy what we are doing, would you proceed, please?"

"With pleasure," Janeway replied. "How about taking off those trousers now, since I've forgotten all about them?"

Seven nodded and Janeway felt her reach up. She caught Seven's wrists. "Let me, please?"

Seven's hands lowered again and she nodded once more.

Letting go of Seven's hands, Janeway put hers back on Seven's hips, before sliding them forward and slightly down until she reached the button on the waistband.

Janeway's hands trembled with excitement as she was about to reveal even more of Seven's wonderful body. Janeway popped open the button and then let her hands slide down and underneath the fabric of the slacks, stroking the soft and warm skin there.

Seven gasped and jerked, then her hands were on Janeway's.

Janeway held still. "You want me to stop?"

"No!"

"Then I won't." Janeway kissed Seven's back.

Seven took her hands from Janeway's, opened the zipper and started to push the slacks down. Her weight shifted from one side to the other and back again. There was soft rustle, then Seven straightened up again and covered Janeway's hands with her own once more.

As she started to push their hands lower, Janeway closed her eyes with a moan. "Let's get onto the bed," she whispered.

"No more interruptions," came Seven's almost harsh sounding reply, the grip on Janeway's hands tightening even though she followed Seven's lead more than willingly.

By then Janeway realised that there wasn't any fabric, meaning no underwear, and she bit her lower lip as they descended. Soon her fingers told her that there was no hair as well, just smooth skin. Further still, just smooth and wet skin, then copious slickness as they reached Seven's core.

Seven shuddered and Janeway wrapped her free arm around her, not quite sure if it was for Seven's benefit or if she needed to steady herself. Janeway was feeling light-headed as she let her fingers slide through Seven's wet folds, familiarizing herself with Seven's body-scape.

"You feel wonderful," Janeway said hoarsely. "I love to touch you."

There was no reply, just another shudder and Seven let go of Janeway's hands, leaving Janeway more freedom to explore her.

Janeway spread her fingers and pulled them back a little, moving them towards Seven's clit, not quite touching it, just circling around it.

Seven's hips jerked forward, then her hand was on Janeway's again. "There… there is a… certain spot… need…"

Janeway moved her fingers until she found the clit. "That spot?"

Seven's knees buckled and steadied again. "Yes! Right there… please!"

Tightening her grip around Seven's midriff, Janeway focused her attention on where Seven wanted her to and began to caress the clit, circling right over its small hood.

Shaking in the embrace, Seven covered Janeway's arm with both of her own, her fingers searching for Janeway's, squeezing them so tightly as she found them that Janeway was glad it wasn't the hand with the exoskeleton grasping them.

Janeway dipped her finger lower, moving it through Seven's folds to gather some moisture before she returned to the swollen bundle of nerves to stroke it again.

Seven's hips began to trust forwards, pushing against the hand that was pleasuring her and Janeway quickened her movements, murmuring softly about how good Seven felt and how much she enjoyed touching her.

There was a low drawn-out moan, then Seven was as tight as a bow – just before she went utterly limp, the sudden weight pulling heavily on Janeway.

It wasn't the most graceful way how they ended up on the floor, but Janeway did manage to keep Seven from simply falling down.

Once more Janeway embraced Seven from behind – to many limp limbs to deal with otherwise – and just held her, her face laying against Seven's back, while she waited for Seven's breath to return to normal.

tbc


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Just to let you know: There will be a cut and the rest of this chapter is not going to be posted here, since I don't want this story to be pulled.**

Seven sighed deeply. "Captain?"

"Yes, Seven?"

"Will I ever be able to move again?"

Janeway laughed softly. "Sooner or later."

"I would rather have it sooner, so I will be able to touch you as well."

Janeway kissed Seven's shoulder. "Why don't you just enjoy the aftermath?"

There was another sigh, then: "Captain?"

Janeway smiled. "Yes, Seven?"

"Is it always over that quickly?"

That made Janeway chuckle. "We actually use the word quickie if it has to be – well, quick," she said. "But no, it's not always over that fast. You can draw it out for quite a while, even hours."

Seven's head swivelled towards Janeway, the blue eyes wide as she looked over her shoulder at Janeway. "Hours? I am not sure I could endure that for hours."

Instead of replying anything, Janeway loosened the embrace and let the fingers of one hand trail along Seven's neck and over her shoulder, then back again. "How about that?" Janeway asked and smiled as Seven's head dipped sideways to offer her neck to Janeway's fingers.

"I like that."

Janeway continued to stroke Seven. "Do you believe you could enjoy that for a while?"

"Now?"

"Yes."

"I believe, I could," Seven answered.

"Are you already able to move up onto the bed? We'd be more comfortable there."

Seven looked at Janeway. "What about you? Would you not like to have at least a – _quickie_?"

Janeway laughed. "Quick study," she said, still smiling. "And thank you, but I am honestly quite content with what I'm doing." Janeway's fingers moved along Seven's neck. "My time will come."

Seven's tiny smile appeared. "Sooner or later."

Janeway laughed again. "Sooner or later."

"Then I will comply."

Taking her hand back, Janeway's fingers brushed against the strap of Seven's bra. "You want to take this off?"

Seven reached up, unhooked the bra and took it off, before getting to her feet.

Following suit, Janeway got up and took off the last of her clothes. Stepping around Seven, she climbed onto the bed and kneeled in the middle of it, holding out a hand towards Seven. "Come," Janeway said, letting her gaze roam freely over Seven's delightful figure, with the generous breasts and the swell of hips, leading down to long, long legs.

"How… where should I go?"

Janeway realised that Seven was even less used to laying down than she was to sitting, and _that_ had taken her quite a while to get comfortable with. "That would depend on where you want me to touch you," Janeway replied. "If you are on your stomach, I can reach your back, if you're on your back, I'd be able to touch the front. When you are on your side-"

"You will be able to reach both," Sven finished and moved onto the bed.

"Right," Janeway murmured as she watched Seven trying to sort lanky arms and legs and where to put them – without much success.

"May I make a suggestion?" Janeway asked after a moment.

"Please do."

"Just lay on your stomach for now, and later we can change if you want to." Janeway had the feeling that right now Seven wouldn't fare much better laying on her back.

"That is acceptable." Seven turned around.

"If I am laying on my stomach, I put my arms up to my head and use them like a pillow."

Seven followed the direction and Janeway moved closer to her.

"Alright there?"

"Yes."

Janeway's gaze moved over Seven's face to her hair. "Would you mind if I open your hair?"

"No, but it would be more efficient if I do it myself," Seven replied and moved up on her elbows. With a few practiced moves she had the clips out and then shook her head slightly, freeing her hair.

Janeway reached out and into the blond tresses and let them run through her fingers, combing them out. Seven turned her head to Janeway, who had rarely seen Seven with her hair undone – except a few errand strands while playing Velocity – and so Janeway just looked at Seven, her fingers moving through the hair to her neck.

"What is it?" Seven asked after a moment.

"Nothing," Janeway answered with a soft smile. "I simply enjoy looking at you. I could – and have done so – for hours."

"When I regenerate?"

Janeway stopped the caress and lowered her gaze. "Yes," she admitted before looking back up.

"That night, after I overloaded my cortical implant, you were there to look at me." It wasn't a question.

Janeway nodded. "Yes, that was when I realised that I had deeper feelings for you."

There it was again, that brilliant smile, which made Janeway's heart thud. And with that exact smile on her face, Seven put her head down again.

"Please proceed."

"Yes, ma'am," Janeway laughed softly and by reflex reached out to push the hair away from Seven's eyes. Then Janeway stretched out beside Seven, leaning on one elbow, before she began to lazily create random patterns with her fingers across Seven's upper back, shoulders and arms. Sometimes Janeway only used one finger, then all and sometimes she used her fingernails to softly scratch the skin. Janeway did that for quite a while, just savouring the fact that she was able to touch Seven.

 **Please continue reading either at AO3, AFF or my Life Journal. You'll find the links in my profile. Thank you & sorry for the hassle.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:**

Thank you for the comments, they are much appreciated! To the guest who is curious about the teaser: go to my profile and follow the link to my tumblr ;o)

On with the story... so far so good, but now we leave to me well known territory. I have no clue why my characters suddenly decided to take me on a spin – to boldly write what Goofball has never written before. Please bear with me.

Janeway did feel the lack of sleep the next morning, which is why she plucked the thermos, containing life-saving coffee, right out of Neelix' hand after he'd poured her a cup and took it with her. On the other hand Janeway also felt full of energy, almost rejuvenated and it was very easy to find a smile or a kind word for crewmembers she met on the way.

On the Bridge Janeway found all the senior staff on duty – and only them. Even B'Elanna was at a workstation, busily tapping away at the console after greeting Janeway with a cursory glance. The only one missing was the Doctor. Thank the stars for small blessings.

Welcome aboard Voyager, where word travels at Warp 9.

Taking a seat in her chair, Janeway put the thermos down, but kept the cup in her hand as she turned to her First Officer and asked if there was anything to report.

"Nothing unusual happened _outside_ the ship, Captain."

Noting his infliction, Janeway lifted an enquiring eyebrow. "Oh, but something _inside_ the ship did?"

"I believe you to be the better judge of that." His smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "I've heard from several people how surprised they were to see you having dinner with Seven in the Mess Hall."

Janeway took a sip of lukewarm coffee, starting to feel uneasy about Chakotay's reaction. "Nothing surprising about me having dinner or being in Seven's company." Janeway poured some hot coffee into the cup.

"Long night?" Chakotay wanted to know with a glance at the thermos.

Janeway looked at him. "Cut to the chase and ask the question you want to ask." Her voice was low.

"Rumour has it that the dinner wasn't just a simple dinner with a colleague."

Janeway returned her gaze back to the view screen. "That isn't a question."

"But it is what the crew is talking about."

Janeway turned her head to him. "That doesn't make it a question, Chakotay."

His pleasant smile disappeared. "Was it a date?"

"Yes."

"I'm not sure that's a wise decision."

"Are you telling me this as a friend or in you capacity as my First Officer?"

"As both your friend and your First Officer."

"Then as a friend I say thank you for your concern, even though I believe it to be unfounded," Janeway replied and following a gut feeling, asked the computer to seal the Bridge against entrance and cut all sensors, before she got up and went next to the helm from where she could see everyone. _Time to face the music_.

Janeway let her gaze sweep the room. "Even though I am not in the habit of discussing private matters in a setting like this, I believe it to be necessary to do so now, since Commander Chakotay voiced his unease about my personal relationship."

"Does that mean Seven and you _are_ dating?" Tom asked from right beside Janeway.

"Yes, Lieutenant."

"You've got balls," he quipped.

"No, I don't, but thanks anyway," Janeway said, then frowned. "I think."

Tom averted his gaze. "I'm sorry, Captain, I just wanted to say that…" he shrugged.

"Is that what it takes? Balls?" B'Elanna asked. "Just look at them and think about what you know of them." Her eyes fell on Janeway. "They are a strong couple. Together they are a force to be reckoned with," she stated, looking back at Tom. "They're not Mok'tah."

Everyone was silent and Janeway herself took a moment to let that sink in. "Thank you for the vote of confidence, Lieutenant," she said, making a mental note to look up _Mok'tah_.

B'Elanna gave Janeway a curt nod then she lowered her eyes to the panel before her.

After a deep breath Janeway looked around the room. Two down, no actually three since she already knew Tuvok's opinion. "Harry, do you have any objections to me, as your captain, engaging in a personal relationship?"

Harry smiled but before he could answer, Chakotay spoke up: "I am not questioning your decision to finally have a personal life."

Janeway blinked in astonishment, but forced herself to keep her eyes on Harry, still waiting for his answer. Harry finally shook his head and looked at Janeway. "No, ma'am."

Janeway gave him a brief smile, then gazed at Chakotay. "You are saying that it is not the fact of me having a relationship that makes you uneasy, but who I chose to be my partner. Care to elaborate?" No smile for him.

"I would, in your Ready Room."

"If you have doubts about my capability to captain this ship in regard of my relationship with Seven, then I believe that to be the perfect time and place with all the senior staff at hand." And not only because it concerned all of them as well, but also because Janeway's own doubts weren't that far around the corner and she would be foolish to cut herself off the support she'd have here.

"Very well," Chakotay said and stood up. "Now that I know about your feelings for Seven, it finally makes sense that you would put your ship and your crew at risk to chase after her over and over again."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Kathryn."

Janeway narrowed her eyes at him. "I heard your words, _Commander_ , but I'm not sure I understand what you are saying." She cut him off with a gesture of her hand before he could reply. "Are you saying that I am willing to risk more if it is Seven who is in danger?"

"That is exactly what I'm saying. You've become reckless."

"More reckless than flying the ship through a binary pulsar?" Tom said loud enough to make Harry lift his hand and cough behind it.

Janeway shot a mock glare at the helmsman, who ducked his head.

"You might think this is funny, Mr. Paris," Chakotay. "But not everything in life is a joke."

"You might-"

"Gentlemen, please." Janeway said. There was enough tension in the room, she did not need the two of them at each other's throats.

"Commander, if you're referring to the incident with the Equinox, you yourself said that Seven wasn't the only reason I was hell bent on going after them," Janeway said. "Or have you conveniently forgotten that?"

"Maybe I was wrong and she was the real reason. It would fit."

Janeway shook her head. "You of all people should know why I did what I did."

"I'm not so sure about that."

Janeway's uneasiness concerning their ability to trust each other grew.

"What I don't understand is how going after Seven is any different than going after anyone else on this ship."

Janeway's eyes shifted to Harry, who was looking at Chakotay.

"The Captain never left one of us behind," Harry added.

Chakotay ignored the young ensign and stared at Janeway.

"Do you truly believe I wouldn't do the same for any of you?" Janeway asked quietly, hoping to get through to him.

"You didn't have to rescue one of the crew every couple of months."

"And how often was it Seven's fault that she was in a tight spot?" Janeway inquired feeling ire rising inside her.

"You confronted the Borg-queen even though she went back there willingly!"

Janeway stared at him in disbelief. "Chakotay, what the hell is going on? You know that she left because she wanted to keep Voyager and us safe."

"So you say," he replied curtly, crossing his arms in front of him. "You believe everything she says, you've become too lenient with her. She's argumentative, arrogant and she doesn't know her place."

B'Elanna let out a laugh. "Now doesn't that sound familiar?"

Chakotay glanced briefly over his shoulder. "That's different."

"Oh really," B'Elanna replied sarcastically. "Well, I don't think so. When I came aboard this ship I couldn't have cared one iota for anything Starfleet. I had a temper-"

Several coughs were heard and even Janeway herself had to supress a smile.

"Alright, I still have a temper," B'Elanna conceded, wagging her head a bit. "But what I'm saying is that I gave the Captain and you plenty of headaches. I ignored protocol, I argued, I insulted people. Hell, I've even beaten them."

"Again, Lieutenant, that's different."

B'Elanna braced herself on the workstation and leaned forward. "You know what, _Commander_ , you're actually right. It's quite different. I grew up around certain expectations and standards for social behaviour, even though I didn't like them, at least I knew about them. Seven had none of that. She's been with the Borg since she was a child." B'Elanna tilted her head slightly, scrutinizing Chakotay, who had finally turned sideways to look at her.

"You describe her like she was back then, just severed from the Collective. And as you well know, I wasn't a big fan of her. But she's changed, Chakotay. She's adapted more to us then I would have ever thought possible." She straightened up. "She has put herself on the line for us on more than one occasion, long before most of us started to accept her fully in our midst." B'Elanna snorted and looked at Janeway. "She even went against the Captains orders, because it would better serve the safety of the ship. By now I believe she'd do anything in her power to keep us safe." She crossed her arms and eyed Chakotay. "Simply because we are her family now, her Collective."

"It's strange to hear you defending her, when I think about the constant reports I hear from people witnessing you two fight down in Engineering."

"Seriously? Is that what they say, that we're fighting?" B'Elanna let out a laugh. "Well. You might call it a battle," she said with a shrug. "But it's a battle of wits. Anyone who would care to listen to what we're actually saying, would notice that we're bantering, not fighting."

Janeway tried to imagine Seven and B'Elanna bantering and couldn't help the grin forming on her face. "I'm sure the two of you come up with the most interesting insults."

"You could say that." The corner of B'Elanna's mouth twitched. "Yeah, we're pretty inventive."

"Alright then, if every one of you is so content on how things are right now, let's take a look at how it might be in the future." Chakotay turned back to face Janeway. "What will happen if we're in a situation where it would be crucial to send Seven in danger? I don't believe you'd be willing to put her at risk."

And there it was, Janeway's own fear voiced by her First Officer. _Thank you, Seven, for preparing me for that one._

"With all due respect, Commander, but your reasoning is illogical on two different accounts." Tuvok stated before Janeway had even opened her mouth to reply.

"Then by all means, enlighten me."

"Very well," Tuvok replied stoically. "First, regardless of the Captain pursuing a relationship with Seven of Nine, or deciding not to, her emotions would still be the same, in effect causing the same presumed difficulty."

No arguments from Janeway on this one.

"Secondly and even more importantly," he continued. "In my experience with the human race, I have witnessed that deeper emotions like trust, deep friendship or even love seldom occur in a matter of hours. It then is only logical to assume that the Captain's feelings for Seven have developed over a period of time and have existed prior to yesterday. As of yet I have seen no evidence that would proof your point." Tuvok glanced at Janeway. "And knowing Captain Janeway I am sure from now on she'll expect more from Seven than from anyone else, even unduly so, just to make sure that there will be no ground for complaints." Tuvok's eyebrow lifted slightly, as if daring Janeway to contradict him.

Janeway knew it wouldn't to her any good, but she still gave him a mock glare.

"I see you have everyone on your side," Chakotay said.

Janeway's humour faded. "That's enough with the open discussion," she said, using her command-voice. "Wait in my Ready Room, Commander."

"Now you want to take this private?"

"Yes, but not for my own benefit."

He narrowed his eyes at Janeway, then turned on his heels and stalked across the bridge.

"That's one unhappy fellow," Tom muttered.

"Indeed," Janeway replied equally softly, then patted him on the shoulder. "Alright, every one, back to work. Tuvok, you have the Bridge."

Janeway went to her chair and took the cup and the thermos. Her gaze landed on B'Elanna's shoes underneath the workstation. Janeway took a step back and looked up, waiting to catch B'Elanna's eyes.

"I'd love to hear some of your inventions," Janeway said, as B'Elanna looked at her.

B'Elanna's eyes grew wide before she shook her head. "Oh no, you wouldn't."

Janeway grinned. "Oh yes, I would."

"Yeah well, let me rephrase then: I'm sure you would, but I'm absolutely positive that I don't want to talk about them with you."

With her finger, Janeway indicated B'Elanna to lean closer, which she did. "You do realise that your refusal doesn't diminish my curiosity in the slightest?"

"That's too bad then, I guess." B'Elanna straightened up. "It was nice chatting with you, but I have to get back to work, Captain's orders."

"Duly noted," Janeway laughed, then said softly: "B'Elanna?"

"Yes?"

There was much Janeway wanted to but couldn't say right now, so she went for a simple but heartfelt: "Thank you."

B'Elanna nodded, just looking silently at Janeway for a moment, before her gazed darted towards the front of the Bridge then back to Janeway. "It was my pleasure."

Janeway smiled and turned towards her Ready Room, wondering if B'Elanna was reminded of her own relationship with Tom and how some people might have thought about her.

The doors hissed open and straightening her back, Janeway stepped into her office.

Chakotay stood with his back to Janeway and stared out of the window, not acknowledging her entrance.

With a silent sigh, Janeway moved over to the desk, put the thermos down and after looking into the cup, put that down as well. She couldn't fathom why people kept telling her she'd consume too much coffee. It was always cold before she really got to it.

Since she had no inclination to move past the brooding officer to the Replicator, Janeway weighed her options. She could either gulp down the cold coffee or dump it into the plant. No more cold coffee. With a silent apology to the plant, Janeway emptied the cup into the flower pot, before pouring some nicely steaming liquid into it.

With the cup in her hand, Janeway then leaned against the desk. Having made up her mind about how to approach the subject, she sighed again as she looked onto the rigid back of her First Officer and friend. "Let's get to the bottom of this, because what I've heard so far doesn't make any sense and it doesn't sound like the Chakotay I know," Janeway said. "It leaves me wondering if all of those alleged grievances have anything at all to do with Seven's or my own work-performance. And that leads me to one conclusion I don't like."

"Join the club."

Janeway lifted an eyebrow. "So your discontent _is_ of a private nature."

"How many possible partners are there for me on this ship?"

Janeway _really_ didn't like where this was going. "I have no idea, because I honestly never thought about it."

Finally Chakotay turned around. "There are only two females on Voyager who I'd consider to be suitable partners."

Red alert claxons began sounding in Janeway's head.

Chakotay fixed her with his dark eyes. "You both would have been good mates for me."

Even though Janeway wasn't as surprised as she would have been a couple of minutes ago, she wanted to make sure that she was on the right track. "Both of us as in Seven and, no, _or_ myself?"

"That's right."

 _The gall of him!_ Janeway shook her head and put down the cup. "You have a hell of a way of showing your emotions," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "You discredited both of us repeatedly. Do you really believe that after that spectacle-" she pointed to the door leading to the bridge, "you'd stand a chance with me? Not to mention that I've never had any romantic feelings towards you."

"You're forgetting that I was with you on New Earth."

"On New Earth _my friend_ gave me a massage and got confused about his own feelings and-"

Something in Chakotay's eyes flashed and with a roar he charged towards Janeway.

There was no way she would have gotten to her phaser in time and there was only one thing Janeway could do. She hit her Com-Badge. "Medical emergency, transport Chakotay to sickbay. NOW!" Janeway's heart hammered as he got closer and she slid onto the desk, lifting her legs, prepared to kick the living daylight out of him. He was near enough now for Janeway to recognize hatred in his eyes. Then his molecules began to dissolve.

tbc


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:** This is certainly not one of the best chapters, but I had a lot of fun with parts of it – guess which one ;o)

Uhm, if there are any hard-core B'Elanna/Tom-shipper around: proceed with caution.

Releasing the breath she had been holding with a gasp, Janeway hit the Com again. "Janeway to the Doctor." While she waited for his response, she crossed the room towards the Bridge, still struggling to get her breath under control.

"I'm a little busy here, since you just beamed a berserker into my sickbay unannounced."

"Sorry 'bout that," Janeway replied while passing through the doors and heading towards Tuvok's station. "We'll send you a security-detail to give you a hand, Doctor," she added loud enough for Tuvok to hear her.

There was a crashing sound, then the Doctor's voice again. "Much appreciated. Sickbay out."

Janeway pointed to Tuvok, who was giving instructions to security, and gestured him to follow her. "Tom, you have the Bridge. I'll be in Sickbay."

"Aye, Captain."

Once in the Turbolift, Janeway turned to Tuvok. "I just had Chakotay transported to Sickbay, because of his – let's say _unusual_ behaviour."

"Was his behaviour even more unusual than it was on the Bridge?"

"I'm not quite sure what he had in mind, once he got to me, but yes, most definitely." Janeway shook her head. "We're missing something here, Tuvok."

"So it seems."

Janeway's thoughts went back to the scene on the Bridge, and suddenly her mind made a connection between Tom's comment about her reckless behaviour and the reason _why_ she decided to fly the ship through the binary pulsar. Janeway tapped her Com. "Janeway to Seven of Nine."

"Yes, Captain?"

Cool, calm and collected, just what Janeway needed and she breathed in deeply. "We need a ship-wide scan for possible intruders," she said. "Think _Srivani_. Help is on the way."

"Understood."

"We were not able to detect the Srivani last time, what makes you believe we will succeed now?"

Janeway didn't answer Tuvok's question, just activated her Com again. "Janeway to Torres – B'Elanna, meet Seven in Astrometrics, she might need an engineer to help her adjust all scanning devices."

"On my way, Captain."

"Make it quick."

The Turbolift stopped and Janeway and Tuvok headed towards Sickbay.

"I assume Lieutenant Torres is to modify Seven's ocular implant."

"Just a precaution," Janeway answered. Or maybe it was just wanting to feel like they were doing _something_ to solve this newest riddle. In all honesty Janeway didn't believe it were the Srivani. They had long passed their space. And if it really was another alien race that conducted experiments on unaware travellers, they might just as well use another frequency to hide themselves or another technology all together.

Janeway and Tuvok arrived at Sickbay and Janeway asked for a report before she had even crossed the threshold.

"Ah, Captain, welcome to the arena," the Doctor replied in his most chipper way. "Thanks to my capability to think quickly on my feet, I had the Commander down even before your guards arrived." He gestured to the prone figure on the bed. "I simply had to fill the Forcefield with sedative gases."

The least Janeway could do, after sending a _berserker_ in here without any warning, was to pat his ego. "Nice work, Doctor." Janeway moved over to the Biobed. "Have you found anything out of the ordinary?"

"Perfunctory scans indicate extremely low serotonin-levels, which could explain his aggressive behaviour. But I'll need to conduct more tests to tell you anything conclusive."

"Seven of Nine to the Captain."

"Go ahead, Seven."

"The adjustments are complete. Internal sensors give no indication to intruders."

That had been fast.

"Understood. Meet me in Sickbay and bring B'Elanna with you. Oh, and Seven?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Keep your eyes open, just in case."

"I understand. Seven out."

"Wait!"

Janeway heard B'Elanna through the com.

"Captain?"

"Yes, B'Elanna?"

"Since this whole situation is concerning Seven as well, I think we should bring her up to speed."

"If this turns out to be not the Commander's fault, there would be no reason to let information about this incident spread even further," Tuvok said.

A part of Janeway understood what Tuvok meant and even agreed with him. But on the other hand… her gaze moved to Chakotay. "Lieutenant, are you asking me as your captain for permission?"

"Well, I-"

"You might want to consider your answer carefully, Lieutenant," Seven advised.

"What? Why?...Oh, uhm, no. Not at all."

"Then I'll forget you asked. Get down here. Janeway out."

"Since you neither denied nor granted her request, Lieutenant Torres will undoubtedly proceed."

"I know," Janeway answered without looking at Tuvok. "But if this isn't his fault, he would tell Seven himself what had happened, so she knew exactly why he's apologizing."

"Why would the Commander need to apologize if she wasn't there?"

With a small smile Janeway looked at the Vulcan. "Because he believes it would be the right thing to do."

Tuvok shifted his gaze to Chakotay. "Indeed. Human _logic_ will never fail to astonish me, Captain."

"That's what you like about us humans," Janeway said teasingly.

"If you are finished discussing human logic, it would be nice to get some background information on what happened and why Commander Chakotay is laying in my sickbay. After that I need to run some more tests."

"Suffice it to say, that the Commander acted most _illogical_ to certain news he received," Tuvok answered.

"That is very helpful, Mr. Tuvok," the Doctor said and shifted his gaze to Janeway.

"Let's just say, we need to figure out what made him discredit two crewmembers out of jealousy."

"That does sound rather irrational," the Doctor conceded.

Tuvok lifted his eyebrow but said nothing.

"Very well, I better get started then."

"Of course," Janeway replied and moved out of the way. Then she watched silently as the Doctor began tapping away on his consoles, while in her mind she tried to find an explanation for Chakotay's behaviour. Was it really an alien attack? Or a virus? If it was a virus, would it spread?

In midst Janeway's contemplating, the door opened with a swish and Seven, followed by B'Elanna stepped into the room.

For a moment Janeway felt anxious since it was the first encounter between Seven and her while on duty after – Janeway swallowed and tore her gaze from Seven's body – their night together. But unlike herself, Seven was all business-like as she scanned first the room, then Tuvok and then Janeway. However, Seven's eyes returned to Janeway's after her scan for just a heartbeat, before she went over to the Biobed where Chakotay lay.

Janeway was oddly pleased with Seven's acknowledgment but also very relieved that despite the change in their relationship, she stayed professional. Maybe this could really work.

After a moment Seven came over and B'Elanna joined them. "There is no sign of intruders or that the crew has been tempered with, that I can detect."

Janeway nodded unsurprised. "It was worth a shot," she said and turned to Tuvok. "There's no need for the two of us staying here. Would you please take over the Bridge?"

Tuvok nodded, turned on his heels and left.

"B'Elanna, I believe you can reset the phase-variance on Seven's implant. "

"Sure." B'Elanna motioned for Seven to follow her and Janeway trailed after them into the Doctor's office, then watched with interest as the Chief-Engineer crossed her arms and looked up at Seven.

"We've had this discussion ten minutes ago."

Seven lifted the implant above her eye, then with a look of exasperation she took a seat on the stool. "I am not _that_ much taller than you are."

"Yeah, I know," B'Elanna replied with a grin. "But once in a while it's just nice not to have to stretch to reach something." She grabbed a tool out of her pocket and bend over Seven. "What actually happened in your Ready Room, Captain? Did he finally snap and attack you?"

Seven's head shot toward Janeway, then she flinched and put a hand to her temple.

"Damn it, Seven, stop fidgeting!"

"I am not fidgeting," Seven replied acidly and Janeway could just imagine the look in Seven's eyes, as she glared at the B'Elanna.

"Right," B'Elanna muttered and then locked eyes with Seven. "You've seen her, she's perfectly fine. Now hold still, I don't want to hurt you." A grin tugged at the corner of her lips. "Not too much anyway."

To Janeway's astonishment Seven relaxed. "In this case I suggest we find time for a sparring-match, _if_ you believe you would stand a chance without having the advantage of tinkering with my implants."

Janeway wasn't quite sure what reaction she had expected from B'Elanna, but it certainly hadn't been – hope?

B'Elanna straightened up and looked down at Seven. "Are you serious? I mean, would you really train with me?"

Seven cocked her head. "Had I not been ready to do so, I wouldn't have mentioned it, not even in jest."

B'Elanna pushed her hair back. "Sorry, I know that by now, but I guess…" She shrugged. "Usually I have to hold back when I practice, _if_ someone is willing to train with me that is, me being a half Klingon and all that."

The corner of Seven's mouth lifted. "Your valour notwithstanding, Lieutenant, but with my superior hand-to-eye-coordination and Borg-enhanced strength, I see no harm in sparring with you, at least not for me, even if you were a full blooded Klingon."

B'Elanna's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms.

"Now I'm even more curious about your more inventive exchanges," Janeway said dryly.

Two heads swivelled towards Janeway, then they looked back at each other.

"I told you, she'd bug us," B'Elanna muttered.

"Bug you?" Janeway repeated incredulously.

"As in pestering," Seven added, and Janeway just stared at her.

"Not helping!" B'Elanna hissed.

"Thank you for the explanation, even though I am _very_ well aware what it means," Janeway said and looked back and forth between the two of them. "I'm also beginning to understand why B'Elanna is so reluctant to tell me about your exploits. You two seem to become rather juvenile once you get going."

B'Elanna looked anywhere but at Janeway while Seven seemed to consider the words.

"I'm teasing, Seven. I'm not angry or upset," Janeway said and smiled. "As a matter of fact, I'm actually rather…" Janeway shrugged, not quite sure how to describe what she felt. She was stunned, yes, because she'd never seen Seven like that. But Janeway was also feeling sappy, watching and listening to Seven and to realise that she'd never had anything like that, never had a friend to banter and be silly with.

"But you look upset," Seven stated.

"Nah, it's just the happiness stinging the inside of her eyes," B'Elanna stage-whispered, causing Seven to frown and Janeway to laugh.

"Quite right," Janeway said. "I am really happy for you," she added for Seven's benefit.

"However," Janeway turned to the Chief-Engineer with a mock glare. "If I hear reports that your work is suffering…" Janeway left the thread hanging in the air.

B'Elanna snapped to attention. "It won't, Captain."

"Good." Janeway let her command-mask slip. "Three times is the charm, so again today, I say thank you."

B'Elanna looked at Janeway. "I understand where you're coming from, but there's nothing to thank me for. This is not like a task I have to do, or like I'm doing anyone a favour." She glanced at Seven. "Though only Kahless knows why I put up with her, she's insufferable."

"I have a reasonable suspicion I'm missing a part of this conversation," Seven said and looked questioningly back and forth between B'Elanna and Janeway.

"She did tell you about what happened on the Bridge?" Janeway asked Seven.

"Yes, she did."

Out of the corner of her eyes, Janeway noticed B'Elanna crossing her arms and looked at her, surprised to find her scowling.

"By that look on your face, I'd say you left certain parts out of the story," Janeway stated.

"So what?"

Seven rose from the stool. "Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres, what are you not telling me?"

B'Elanna's glower locked onto Seven. "Are you trying to intimidate me with your height?"

"It was never my _height_ that intimidated you," Seven said, lifting the implant above her eye.

B'Elanna let out a barking laugh, but before she could reply, Janeway stepped between the two of them. "Back off, both of you. You can resolve this one later," Janeway said. "And if B'Elanna doesn't want to talk about earlier, it's her choice," she directed over her shoulder at Seven, who was standing close enough for Janeway to feel her body-heat.

"But you'll tell her later anyway," B'Elanna muttered, keeping Janeway's mind from spinning off into unwanted territory.

Janeway looked at her. "I would have without a second thought, yes, because I didn't realise that you were uncomfortable with her knowing."

"But not now?"

Janeway shook her head.

"Even if I keep _bugging_ you?" Seven asked.

It was hard to keep her eyes on B'Elanna, but Janeway managed it. She couldn't stop the quivering of her mouth, however, which wanted to grin really badly. _What have you unleashed, B'Elanna?_ "Not even then, you little _pest_ ," Janeway said.

B'Elanna huffed and then lowered her eyes. "I… I guess, I just didn't want it to look like I'm trying to gain any favours by befriending Seven, now that I know you're a couple."

"Our relationship changed before today, did it not?"

"Yeah," B'Elanna looked up at Seven. "But it was between the two of us and not in front of all the senior staff right after the revelation that you're involved with the _effing_ _Captain_ of this ship. I mean, come on, how does that look like?"

"It sounds like your defending the honour of your friend, regardless of her relationship-status with the captain?" Janeway suggested softly. "And that you made more of an effort than others to look behind that cool and aloof façade. At least that's how it sounded to me."

"Took me long enough, considering where I've been," B'Elanna mumbled.

"From what I understand of the events that happened earlier, I wish to express my appreciation to you – B'Elanna."

The slight hesitation in Seven's words and the way B'Elanna looked up at Seven, Janeway assumed it didn't happen often, if at all, that Seven used her given name.

"No need, the Captain already thanked me," B'Elanna muttered.

"We might be a – _couple_ , but the Captain does not speak for me. If she thanked you, she had her own reasons and so do I. Will you accept?"

Janeway turned her head and with a smile looked over her shoulder at Seven, who gave her brief glance before focusing back on B'Elanna. When Seven cocked her head as if something was puzzling her, Janeway turned forward again.

B'Elanna's eyes were wide as she stammered: "Yeah, I guess, I mean, yes." Her eyes moved back and forth between Seven and Janeway several times, before they finally landed on Janeway. "I was right," she said quietly. You two are…" She shook her head.

Janeway lifted an enquiring brow, then she remembered the other reason she had thanked B'Elanna for. "Ah, a power to be reckoned with?"

"Yeah," B'Elanna nodded. "A strong couple; a force to be reckoned with," she said quietly.

"Why does that realisation makes you unhappy?" Seven enquired.

B'Elanna averted her eyes but not before Janeway saw the shimmer in them. Turning her head to Seven, Janeway mouthed very quietly: "Seal us in." If not for the Borg-enhancement, Seven wouldn't have heard Janeway, but she did and stepped to a console. A few taps and beeps later the windows lost their transparency.

"On no, you won't."

Janeway put a hand on B'Elanna's arm. "You've given plenty already today, how about getting something as well?"

"I don't know if I can do that." B'Elanna glanced at Janeway and a tear escaped her eyes. With a low growl she swiped at it angrily.

Janeway remembered B'Elanna's glances towards Tom and since they were talking about relationships she just gave it a shot: "Is this because of Tom?"

B'Elanna gave Janeway a dark look. "I don't like you very much right now."

Janeway shrugged with an apologetic smile.

B'Elanna's eyes moved to Seven. "Don't get your implants in a twist, it's just a phrase," she huffed.

"Explain," Seven said and Janeway felt her move a little to the side.

"I'm just saying that she's hitting too close to home," B'Elanna said, then added with exasperation: "She's too close to the truth." B'Elanna sighed. "Yes, it's about Tom. He's just… no, I'm…" She shook her head.

"Lieutenant Paris-"

B'Elanna's eyes flashed. "Don't start bashing him, he's a good guy!"

"I had no such intentions," Seven stated. "He was one of the first crewmembers who offered me kindness."

"Yeah, he's like that," B'Elanna said and another tear fell.

"You want to terminate your relationship with him."

Janeway blinked in surprise. Surely it wasn't that bad, was it? Even bigger was her surprise as B'Elanna nodded, the tears now running unchecked down her cheeks.

"Are you sure? Have you tried talking with him?" Janeway asked.

"That's exactly the problem," B'Elanna said and looked at Janeway. "It's not him, it's not what he does or doesn't do. It just doesn't feel like a good match anymore."

"Mok'tah," Janeway said quietly, realising that B'Elanna's rumination on the Bridge hadn't been about how it had felt for her in the beginning, as Janeway had thought, but how it felt now.

"Yeah." B'Elanna wiped her cheeks. "Even though it hadn't felt like that at first."

"I'm so sorry, B'Elanna," Janeway said.

"So am I. You know, he really is a good guy and I don't want to hurt him."

"I know," Janeway said and reached out to touch her arm.

"And to make matters worse…" B'Elanna wiped her face with a sleeve. "I'm not sure I can deal with being the bad guy again. I don't want to feel like that anymore, not again after just having found some resemblance of belonging."

"You've made your own place here before you became involved with Tom," Janeway said.

"It doesn't feel like it, though."

"In your reasoning you believe that the other crewmembers would despise you because you terminated the relationship between you and Lieutenant Paris," Seven said. "I disagree. You would damage both of you more if you stayed even though you were unsatisfied, ultimately making the Lieutenant discontented as well."

B'Elanna looked at Seven. "I know what you mean, but I'm afraid." She swallowed. "I'm afraid, because in my mind the charming sunshine of the ship gets dumped by me and I'll be back to being the scary Klingon."

"A scary Klingon makes good company for a terrifying Borg," Seven deadpanned, bringing a slight grin to B'Elanna's face.

"We could terrorize the ship together."

"Luckily there's still the reckless captain of this ship to keep you two in check," Janeway said dryly.

"Sickbay to Captain Janeway."

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Since you're occupying _my_ office and _I_ have not enough security-clearance to enter because someone looked me out, would you kindly step out? I have some news to share."

"I'll be with you in a minute," Janeway replied.

"I wasn't aware that it-"

"Janeway out." Janeway cut the connection with a role of her eyes and gave Seven a glance over her shoulder. "Not enough security-clearance, ey?"

Seven lifted the crested implant, a tiny smile on her face.

With a smile of her own, Janeway turned back to B'Elanna. "Alright." Janeway put both hands on B'Elanna's shoulders and locked eyes with her. "You'll be fine and so will Tom. Yes, it will take time, it will hurt and it will feel awkward for the two of you," she said. "But just like Tom, you had people around you who only got closer to him because of you." Janeway looked back and forth between B'Elanna's dark eyes. "You know where to find me if you need me, you hear me?"

B'Elanna nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Janeway replied with a smile. "Now go and tinker with this implant, so that Seven can look straight again."

B'Elanna blinked once and again and then started grinning.

Janeway frowned.

"I'm sorry," B'Elanna said, trying to get her facial expression under control. "But considering Seven's partner it's rather funny that you want her to look straight."

Janeway shook her head with a laugh. "You are just all over the place today, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." B'Elanna straightened. "You better go before the Doctor comes to-" She shut her mouth with an audible snap.

It took Janeway only a second to realise where this was heading and lifted the hand that was closer to Seven. "Don't!" Janeway looked over her shoulder at Seven, who just cocked her head, lifting an enquiring implant.

"I'm starting to believe it _is_ better that I don't know every detail of your interactions," Janeway said with mild exasperation. "I'll leave you two to it."

Seven turned to the console, tapped a command and the seal to the office was broken even though the glasses stayed tinted.

Janeway left the office and walked to the Doctor, who was still buzzing around Chakotay.

"There you are, had a nice stroll down to Sickbay?"

Janeway ignored his sarcasm. "What have you got?"

"I've detected an irregularity as I scanned his brain, to be more precise I found an attachment on his hypothalamus, which seems to be…"

Janeway looked from Chakotay to the Doctor as he bombarded her with a string of technical medical phrases in a speed that made her think there was no tomorrow. Letting the words wash over her, Janeway nodded once in a while until there was a slight pause. She snapped her hand up even though she wasn't sure if he was finished.

"Something is attached to his hypothalamus and it seems to inhibit the normal function of the – hormones?"

The Doctor opened his mouth.

"Never mind," Janeway cut in. "Can you remove it?"

"As I have tried to explain-"

Janeway's eyebrow rose. "Make it short and simple, I'm not a medic nor do I want to become one."

"I can't say for sure yet."

"Any indication of where it came from?"

"I don't know yet."

"Let me know when you have more, I'll be on the bridge."

"Yes, Captain."

With a last look at Chakotay, Janeway turned around and left Sickbay.

Just to return four hours later.

tbc


	10. Chapter 10

Through the opening door Janeway saw Chakotay sitting sideways on the bed, his head lowered, with his hands braced on either side of him. But unlike in the Ready Room, he did look up as Janeway entered, a meek smile crossing his face and she sighed with relief as she walked over to him.

The Doctor came out of his office but Chakotay shook his head at him.

"If you don't mind, I'd rather tell her myself."

"With all due respect, Commander, your knowledge of the proceedings isn't sufficient enough, to explain what caused your condition."

"Sufficient enough to give the Captain my own report. If she wants to know more, I'm sure she'll ask you for the details."

Janeway looked thoughtfully back and forth between them, wondering what she was about to hear.

"Are you certain?"

"I am, but thank you, Doctor." Chakotay smiled a little. "I'll even tell her that you want to keep me here during the night for observation."

The Doctor harrumphed. "I'll be in my office."

Chakotay nodded and then turned to Janeway.

"How are you doing?" She wanted to know.

"Truthfully, I've been better." For a moment he stared off into space before focusing back on Janeway. "The Doctor informed you about the _something_ that had been attached to my brain?"

"Yes, he did."

"In a nutshell, that thing triggered a chemical reaction which enhanced some of my emotions." He looked steadfast at Janeway. "Not creating them, just enhancing."

"So you are saying…"

He sighed. "That even though under normal circumstances I wouldn't have said a word and wished you and Seven the best of luck, a part of me is envies."

"I'm sorry, Chakotay." What else was there to say?

He shook his head. "There is no need for you to apologize. You've never given me any indication that there was anything else on your mind than friendship." He winced slight. "Not even on New Earth, I know that, or at least the part of me that is thinking rationally."

"Alright." Janeway inhaled deeply and nodded, not quite knowing what to say about that _romantic_ subject. _Then change it!_ , she thought. "So I take it that deep down you really think I'm reckless?"

"You could also say that I am not brave enough to take certain risks," he replied with a wry smile. "And I'm not as lucky as you are."

Janeway shrugged. "I just trust my instincts."

Chakotay nodded. "Yes, you do." He sighed and rubbed his temple.

Alarmed, Janeway asked if he was alright.

"Yes, yes I am – if feeling like an embarrassed ass counts as feeling fine." He sighed again. "Does Seven know what happened?"

"The gist of it," Janeway replied. "I don't think she knows everything that was said."

Chakotay tilted his head. "You didn't tell her yourself?"

"No," Janeway answered, but didn't elaborate.

Another inhale. "I want to formerly apologize to both of you," he then said. "Since I'm not allowed out of here, do you think she'd be willing to come here?"

"I am not her spokesperson, Chakotay. You'd have to ask her yourself." Janeway noticed that while they had been talking about him and her, she'd felt uncomfortable, but now that Seven was the subject, Janeway was getting a little tense.

He grimaced again. "That's not what I meant. Of course I'll ask her myself."

"Then what did you-" Janeway stopped as he hit his Com.

"Chakotay to Seven of Nine."

One heartbeat, two.

"Yes, Commander?" Seven replied cool as ever.

Just hearing her voice made Janeway feel a little less tense.

"Listen, there are things I want to say and – I want to apologize, but I'm not permitted to leave sickbay. Would you mind coming here?"

"I see no need for an apology, Commander," Seven said. "You were _malfunctioning_."

Janeway looked away as she tried to supress a smile.

Chakotay sighed. "To a point, yes… it's complicated."

Silence.

"Seven?"

"Captain?"

How to phrase that? "Sometimes an apology is not only for the benefit of the offended party. It's for the offender as well," Janeway said.

Another pause.

"I will report to Sickbay in half an hour, I'm still with the children."

"I'm not ordering-"

"It was a plea-"

Chakotay and Janeway looked at each other.

"Very well, I will _join_ _you_ in Sickbay in half an hour."

This time Janeway didn't bother to hide her smile at Seven's emphasis.

"Thank you," Chakotay said and deactivated his Com.

After a moment of quietness Janeway asked if the Doctor had found out more of the origin of the _something_.

Chakotay shook his head. "No, but he's feeding its data into the bio-filters, just in case."

"It's the weirdest thing," Janeway said. "We haven't been anywhere in almost two weeks; there was no stranger on board… where could it have come from?"

"Beats me," the Chakotay said. "We haven't even been close to any anomaly."

"Let's hope it was a fluke and nothing else will happen."

Of course that was the point where security contacted Sickbay and Tuvok called Janeway.

"Yes, Tuvok?"

"We just had to detain Mr. Neelix due to his unorthodox actions."

Janeway briefly closed her eyes, before looking at Chakotay. "Go on."

"He began using cookware as missiles to attack crewman McKanzie in the Mess Hall," Tuvok reported.

"He threw pots at someone?"

"Yes, Captain."

Rubbing her temple, Janeway turned around to the Doctor's office, watching as the EMH stepped out. "I believe we have a problem," she said to him.

"If you are referring to Mr. Neelix, I agree." He came up to Chakotay and Janeway. "I've finished calibrating this tricorder while you've been talking. I could use Mr. Paris to calibrate some others, so a complement of helpers can scan the crew."

"Tuvok, you heard the Doctor?"

"Lieutenant Paris will be with you shortly. Tuvok out"

"Alright." Janeway deactivated her Com and then frowned as the Doctor began to run is scanner around her head.

"The tricorder will give me the first estimation as to where I need to take a closer look," the Doctor explained. "You for example-" He stopped in mid-sentence and looked over his tricorder at Janeway.

"Am I infected?"

"No. Would you mind stepping over here for a moment?"

Janeway gave Chakotay a puzzled look before she followed the EMH. "What is it?"

He looked from his device to Janeway. "You're hormones are nothing like Commander Chakotay's," he said and studied her. "As a matter of fact, there are almost on the opposite scale. Serotonin is high, so is dopamine… cortisol… If I didn't know any better-" He stopped, looked at the tricorder again and closed it. "I assume you are one of the two that were discredited by the Commander?"

Janeway's eyebrows climbed up to her hairline, then she realised what he was looking for. "Hormones," she said softly.

"Indeed," he replied. "You're practically saturated with them, and no, normally I wouldn't have noticed it." He lifted the tricorder. "But this one is calibrated to detect unusual hormone-levels."

"Just my luck," Janeway muttered.

"You have a choice here, Captain," he said matter-of-factly: "You can simply tell me who the other person is, which would grant you at least some privacy. Or my team will find out through the screening-process and I'll get notified then."

Janeway looked at him. _Choices, choices_. "I suppose nobody has been to Sickbay since last night, otherwise you would have heard the gossip about Seven and me having dinner in the Mess Hall."

The Doctor frowned at Janeway. "I don't give much to rumours," he said with indignation.

"Did I say it was a rumour?" Janeway found it rather fascinating to watch the expressions shift in his face, changing from non-believe to astonishment, to consternation until it settled on neutral.

"Surely there is nothing unusual about you having dinner with Seven."

 _It was plenty of unusual,_ Janeway thought and smiled in remembrance. "Just scan Seven yourself, please."

"Are you saying – I mean, of course, Captain."

Amazing what a look can say and Janeway relaxed her facial expression to a non-glare. "She'll be here shortly anyway, since Chakotay asked her here."

The Doctor gave a curt nod. "I have another request."

"Go on."

"Since I am not sure yet how the transfer to the – let's say _host_ – is happening, there are a few crewmembers I'd like to keep separated from the others."

Janeway sighed. "Considering how two moderate-tempered crewmembers were affected, you have a point."

"Imagine the strength of a half-Klingon, a Vulcan or a Borg-enhanced Human-"

"I'd rather not," Janeway interrupted him.

"I also wouldn't want the captain of this ship to go on a rampage."

"I beg your pardon?"

The Doctor lifted his hands. "Of course only to prevent an embarrassing incident," he said. "Just as a precaution."

Janeway narrowed her eyes at him and he smiled amiably.

"Would you please inform Commander Tuvok and Lieutenant Torres? I do need to get started. I'm sure Mr. Neelix will arrive soon and I still have to organize the screening process," EMH said. "I'm going to use Holodeck 1, while you and your merry little group will stay here."

"Just get this under control," Janeway sighed.

"I intend to," he replied. "And I'm not quite as heartless as you think. I'll let you stay here, where you at least have an inclination about what is happening. Ensign Vorik and the Borg-children will be brought to Holodeck 1," he added and went back to work – unlike Janeway.

Janeway hit her Com-Badge. "Janeway to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here."

"You have to report to Sickbay, Doctor's orders," Janeway said. "You might want to bring your kal-toh with you, this might take a while."

"I'm on my way."

On to the next. Janeway contacted B'Elanna and relied the message to her as well.

Janeway had just finished when the door opened and two security guards with a struggling and cussing Neelix between them came into the room.

It felt even more unreal to see Neelix like this than having Chakotay come at her. Maybe because with Chakotay there had been a prelude; and Janeway's first impulse was to go over and try to help, try to reason.

Instead, Janeway crossed her arms and went into the other corner, where she'd be out of the way. With a darkening mood, Janeway watched the EMH prepare a hypospray, which he then used to knock Neelix out. In short order the guards had Neelix on a Biobed.

Janeway started pacing, until the Doctor approached her. "I can't just stay here," she said to him.

"You have to." He held up one of his little contraptions that he loved to stick somewhere onto people's heads. "For continues screening. It will notify me if there are any significant changes."

Janeway let him attach the gadget to her temple. "If you are notified, then there's no need for me to stay here."

"Sickbay is the only place besides the holodecks where I can be instantly."

"I have things to do!"

"As far as I know we're in a quiet piece of space and there's no alien you can tackle. Your crew can handle things for a while."

Janeway glared at him.

"If you want to work, I suggest you ask someone to bring you some reports to read," he said and left again.

"I should revoke your command functions," Janeway grumbled after him.

"I can still hear you and it wouldn't change the fact that I am right."

Crossing her arms, Janeway started to pace again, watching as Tom and two science officers came in and who were instantly instructed by the EMH to calibrate more tricorders.

As B'Elanna came in, the Doctor waved her over, scanned her and after sticking his scanner to her temple, sent her to Janeway.

"Captain?"

Not stopping her small circles, Janeway pointed with her head to where Neelix lay on the Biobed. "Neelix was throwing pots at a crewman."

"Neelix?"

"Yes, Neelix," Janeway replied and finally stopped moving. But only because Seven came through the door. "As soon as Seven and Tuvok are with us, I'll tell you everything. I just don't want to do this over and over again," Janeway said without taking her eyes off of Seven, who was surveying the happenings in the room. "For now let's just say…" Janeway trailed off as Seven's gaze found hers and didn't let go even as the Doctor approached and scanned her.

Only as he tried to attach the scanner to her, did Seven look away. They exchanged a few words, then Seven let him do his thing, before he had to move to Tuvok, who had stepped into Sickbay.

After another glance in Janeway's direction, Seven went over to Chakotay.

"It's getting rather full in here," B'Elanna said.

"It is," Janeway replied, keeping her attention on Tuvok, so that she wouldn't watch Seven talking with Chakotay – which must have been weird enough in this setting, even without her gawking at them.

Tuvok soon joined B'Elanna and Janeway and she finally had something to occupy her mind with by informing the two about what had happened and why they all were here.

Of course B'Elanna wasn't too thrilled about the last part.

"Come on, B'Elanna, at least you're here because your strength could seriously harm another person. I on the other hand…" Janeway shook her head.

"While you might go and look for another binary pulsar to fly through," B'Elanna said. "You know what? I believe I'm feeling a lot better already."

"I thought you would," Janeway said dryly.

"Sickbay to all hands."

Silence fell across the room and everyone listened to the announcement that all personal had to report as scheduled to Holodeck 1.

As soon as the notification had ended, the Doctor came over, asking Janeway, B'Elanna and Tuvok to move into his laboratory. They walked over and as soon as they were in there, Janeway started pacing again, complaining about the limited place they had. Which got even more crowded as Seven and Chakotay joined them just a moment later.

Janeway let them pass to keep her place at the door, from where she could see part of what was happening. Even though Janeway wasn't really surprised as the EMH said that he would put up a Forcefield, her frustration grew.

Three steps to the left, turn and three steps to the right. Back and forth Janeway went.

Tom and the other two officers were nowhere to be seen. Did it mean that the screening had already begun?

Back and force.

What would they find? Had anyone else been infected? If so, how many?

Three steps to the right, turn and – Janeway stopped in her tracks as she noticed Seven's long legs stretched out across the floor. Following them with her eyes, Janeway realised that Seven was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, looking up to B'Elanna, who followed suit and sat down beside Seven. Then the two of them started to talk quietly.

Janeway sighed and turned to face the window. Seven had not said a word, hadn't even looked at her, but had very effectively stopped Janeway from driving everyone in there crazy. Janeway was a little surprised about Seven's subtle way, considering that she'd never hesitated before to tell Janeway exactly how she felt. But then again, as Tuvok had pointed out yesterday, Seven had learned to respect Janeway's authority and here in the lab was no way to communicate quietly enough so that others wouldn't realise what was happening.

 _As if they didn't realise anyway. Since when is Seven known to sit down somewhere, leave alone leisurely sitting on the floor?,_ Janeway thought, then: _You're overanalysing again, Kathryn._

"Did anyone bring some cards?" Janeway asked just to get her mind onto something else.

"If you adjust my bio-electrical field like you did on Arturis' ship, I could simply walk through the Forcefield and get you some."

"Careful there," Janeway said and looked at Seven with a slight grin. "That would be in violation to necessary medical proceedings."

"And security-measurements," Tuvok added. "I would also advise against any sort of activity like gambling as it stimulates the rather _basic_ human emotions."

Janeway turned around. "Seriously? A simple game of poker?"

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "There are countless examples of a _simple_ game of poker ending in a fight or worse," he said. "Which considering our current situation is not advisable."

Janeway let her eyes move from Tuvok to Chakotay, who lifted his shoulders with a wry smile as if saying that Tuvok had a point.

"Let me guess," B'Elanna said. "In our situation you'd say it's advisable if we all sat down and meditate."

"That would be indeed a prudent action," Tuvok replied.

"Not. ," B'Elanna replied and Janeway could almost hear B'Elanna's eyes rolling in their sockets.

"I agree," Janeway said under her breath, then after a sigh, she went over and sat down beside Seven, from where she still could see a portion of the room outside.

"Very clever spot," Janeway said even more quietly.

Seven turned to face her and Janeway allowed herself to get lost in the unguarded gaze. Just for a moment Janeway wanted to escape this situation and connect with Seven; wanted to be emotional close and intimate like last night as they had lain together afterwards. Janeway hadn't only felt physically close to Seven then. Afterwards… Janeway's thoughts went further back and she breathed deeply as images from last night flickered through her mind.

Seven's pupils widened – and they both jumped in surprise as their scanning devices started to beep and blink.

tbc


	11. Chapter 11

"Now what?" B'Elanna asked warily. "Are you _both_ going to throw things around?"

Janeway blinked and saw the same astonishment reflected in Seven's face that she felt. There wasn't any anger or aggression in her, it was actually rather the opposite. Then it dawned on her and Janeway closed her eyes briefly. "Damn hormones," she muttered and as she looked back at Seven, her implant had lifted enquiringly.

"You know?" Seven asked quietly.

Janeway nodded.

Just then the Doctor appeared at the door with a confounded expression on his face. He came in, deactivated the beeping on both contraptions before he scanned Janeway.

Janeway watched his face turn from surprise to exasperated as he looked over the tricorder to her, and even though it was childish, she began to feel like she had accomplished to vex him. It was way better than feeling embarrassed.

Without a word the EMH took the advice from Janeway's temple and started to work on it.

Janeway felt Seven's eyes on her and looked at her, the smug smile still in place. Seven tilted her head slightly, then her gaze moved to the mobile scanner and back to Janeway with wide open eyes.

"It was us?" Seven mouthed.

Janeway gave her a tiny nod and the corner of Seven's mouth started to quiver. Janeway's gaze lingered for a moment longer on Seven's mouth, watching as the smile deepened, before she looked up into the blue eyes again.

Another beep came from Seven's gadget and Seven lifted her hand, took it off and gave it to the Doctor. "I believe this needs to be re-calibrated as well."

Janeway faced forward, pursing her lips to not start laughing. She really had no grounds to walk on, calling Seven and B'Elanna juvenile. But maybe Janeway could blame it on the lack of sleep and the tension due to the situation the ship was in. And yes, the hormones were definitely playing a role.

Meanwhile the EMH had taken the two scanners to a workstation and was typing in commands. It took him only about a minute until he returned and moved in front of Seven.

She offered him her left temple and was facing Janeway. "I trust they will now work within _expected_ parameters?" She deadpanned.

Janeway almost lost it and quickly hid her mouth behind a hand, turning her laugh into a cough.

"If they don't, I can still separate the two of you," the Doctor said, his voice saccharine.

Janeway's fake cough turned into a sputter and she looked up at him. The EMH raised an eyebrow and then attached the mobile scanner once more to her temple.

When he rose and went towards the door, Chakotay called after him and asked if it would be possible for someone to get some things for them, as nobody knew how long they had to stay here.

"I'll send someone as soon as possible," the Doctor replied. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some actual work to do."

His last words echoed in Janeway's mind and the sense of accomplishment faded very quickly, leaving her instead feeling exposed, embarrassed and guilty as hell.

Only two days ago, Janeway had said that she wouldn't always be able to let her hormones get at the helm. Only two days ago, she had said that her crew and her ship would always come first.

 _And look at you now. One look at Seven and you forget everything around you; forgetting the danger the crew is facing. You can't just sit back and relax while others do the work!_

Janeway was on her feet and back to pacing, before she even realised she had moved. This time, however, she wasn't wondering about what was happening on the rest of the ship, she was berating herself for her unprofessional conduct. And this time nobody stopped her.

Later Janeway couldn't have said how long she moved back and forth before the doors to Sickbay opened and Crewman Dell was brought in. Standing right at the window, her fingers pressed against the surface, Janeway watched one more struggling crewmember being sedated and put onto a Biobed.

Janeway heard a sigh and noticed that Chakotay stood beside her.

In silence they watched the EMH scanning and then tapping away at consoles before he disappeared out of view towards where Neelix was.

"May I ask you something?" Chakotay asked quietly.

"That depends on the subject," Janeway replied and eyed Chakotay warily.

"Are you blaming Seven for what happened between the two of you?" He pointed at his mobile scanner.

Janeway turned to face him. "No, not Seven," she answered and crossed her arms. "Myself."

"For what exactly? For _a look_ you shared with your partner and which nobody would have even noticed if we weren't monitored?"

"I have no leeway for stepping out of bounds, I am the captain of this ship!"

"Are you really telling me that because you are the captain, you aren't allowed to take your mind off duty for approximately half a minute before you go about your business again? Even for you, that's harsh."

"Your point?" Janeway asked in a clipped tone.

"My point is that even though you might have incredible high standards for yourself, it's not fair to let others believe they have failed you somehow," Chakotay said. "Tuvok was right this morning, you will expect more from Seven than from anyone else on this ship. But there's one exception in this: yourself. Be careful about where you draw the line. Is it expecting more or is it expecting the impossible?"

Janeway didn't quite know how to respond to that, so she said nothing at all.

"Maybe you've been a captain for so long that you've forgotten that a partner isn't just a frivolous distraction. A true partner is also a source of strength we draw upon – especially in a crisis."

Janeway felt herself deflate a little. "I don't know how to do that, Chakotay," she said. "I don't know how to balance this."

"Give it a little time, Kathryn, you'll figure it out," he said with a smile.

A movement in sickbay caught Janeway's attention and seeing Neelix walking beside the Doctor towards the lab lifted her spirits a little.

Neelix was greeted with delight, even though most of the happy atmosphere was coming from Neelix himself, and soon he was telling the group all about what had happened – which in his case started with Crewman McKenzie asking for additional seasoning – causing Janeway and B'Elanna to exchange an amused glance.

Janeway used the distraction to make her way over to Seven, who was standing in the corner furthest from the entrance to the laboratory and who avoided making eye-contact with Janeway. Only once Janeway was right in front of her, did Seven acknowledge her. Unlike before where Seven's gaze and expression had been open, Janeway now looked at controlled features and into guarded eyes.

"I…" Janeway cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, if I made you feel like I blame you for what happened," she said. "Because I don't."

Seven didn't say a word.

"You haven't failed me, not at all. It's just…" Janeway shrugged and averted her eyes. "I have to find a balance and I have to get used to being something else then just the captain, to have human moments even while I'm on duty."

"Then you will not declare this relationship a failure and terminate it?" Seven's voice was tentative.

Janeway's head snapped up. "What? No!" To her dismay a tear formed at Seven's eye. Janeway reached up and took Seven's face between her hands, pulling her head close so she couldn't see anything else but Janeway.

Even though she didn't realise it at that moment, Janeway proved Chakotay's theory right then and there that she had even higher expectations for herself than for Seven. Right now Seven needed her, Kathryn, and she had no qualms about taking a moment to show her that she was there for her.

"No, Seven, I'm not giving up on us that easily." Janeway's eyes moved back and forth between Seven's. "Yes, I'm struggling and maybe even stumbling, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up."

"You said to Commander Chakotay that you do not know how to do this."

"And I don't, _yet_ ," Janeway said with a soft smile. "You took it literally and concluded in this amazing brain of yours, that it could only mean the end." She shook her head. "No, Seven. We've just begun this journey together. We might not always have smooth sailing, but I promise you that I will not end this because of a single mishap."

Seven inhaled deeply.

"Better?"

Seven nodded. "Yes."

"I assume you heard the rest of the conversation between Chakotay and me?"

"Yes."

"Keep it in mind. Knowing myself, you might have to use parts of it against me," Janeway said wryly, letting her hands move from Seven's face to her shoulders, squeezing them softly.

"Captain?"

"Back to business," Janeway said with a smile, just about to face Neelix, who had called out to her.

Then Tuvok announced that there was no captain or any other rank in this room. You could have heard a pin drop in the ensuing silence.

Janeway turned around and she wasn't the only one staring at Tuvok.

Tuvok raised an eyebrow as he looked from one person to the next. "Might I remind you that we are confined here and therefore not able to act in our capacity as members of this crew?"

"But that's only a precaution so that we hopefully don't catch whatever it is," B'Elanna said.

"Precaution or not, it does not change the fact, that the EMH's decision to confine us has in fact stripped us of our rank."

Janeway saw the same sceptic that she felt on the faces of the others. "I'm sure that's not quite the case."

"Then you have a logical explanation why I as Chief of Security have not been contacted by my department since we are here, even though security clearly is an issue in the current situation."

 _That would be a no, as in: I have no idea_ , Janeway thought.

"B'Elanna, was Crewman Dell on duty?" Chakotay wanted to know.

The Chief-Engineer thought for a moment. "As a matter of fact, he still is."

Chakotay's and Janeway's eyes met. They both knew that the head of the departments were usually informed if something unusual happened during duty-shifts. Having a member of your team taken to Sickbay by security definitely counted as unusual.

"Crewman Dell was brought in just before Neelix joined us," Janeway said.

"What?" B'Elanna stepped to the window. "Why wasn't I told?"

Janeway's gaze moved from B'Elanna back to Tuvok. There was no reason for him to point out that this further proved his theory and he didn't. Janeway gave him a nod as acknowledgement, before looking over her shoulder at Seven. "I might be stripped of my rank, but I still want to know what's happening out there. Join me?"

Seven hesitated and Janeway held out a hand to her. "Please?"

When she still didn't move, Janeway turned back to her. "What is it?"

"I do not understand the difference between now and before," Seven said. "Is it because you realised that you have no command in here?"

Janeway thought about it. "That's part of it, yes."

Seven cocked her head and her _"explain, please"_ was in Janeway's mind before she really spoke the words.

"Among other things I'm starting to feel tired, emotionally exhausted, and _not_ because of you," Janeway emphasised. "And now that I'm done fighting against it, I can finally admit that I want to have you close."

A slight smile appeared in Seven's face. "You always have to resist before you give in."

Janeway raised an eyebrow. "But of course."

"I will have to remember that."

"Very wise of you," Janeway replied. "By the way." She leaned closer to Seven. "That is a good example for when I really don't like being out of control and feeling helpless. It makes me rather irritable."

"I understand."

"Will you join me now on my vigil?"

Seven nodded.

"Alright then," Janeway said. "If you don't mind, we might just as well ask B'Elanna to sit with us before she tries to climb through that window."

"That is acceptable."

Together Janeway and Seven crossed the room and as they passed B'Elanna, Seven simply grabbed B'Elanna by an arm and pulled her along, earning her a few curses.

"I don't feel like having a lengthy discussion about your chances of suddenly being able to go through the window if you stand there long enough," Seven said.

"Captain, you keep strange company."

"It's Kathryn and don't you dare complain to me about _your_ friends," Janeway said and sat down.

Seven of course took the place beside Janeway. But the gap she left between the two of them made Janeway look at her.

"Unacceptable," Janeway said. "Even B'Elanna would sit closer to me."

B'Elanna leaned forward and looked over. "That's right," she said and then just pushed Seven over with a grunt. "Kahless! If the Borg are so bloody advanced why don't they use lighter metals or alloys for their implants?"

"Because otherwise you would complain about me being a pushover," Seven said and crossed her ankles.

Janeway shook her head with a laugh. "Thank you for your help, B'Elanna."

"You're welcome Ca-thryn."

Janeway sighed and only half listened as Seven and B'Elanna started talking about the pros and cons of different metals. Combined with the voices of the others it soon became a white noise and Janeway started to get drowsy.

Staring out through the door it took Janeway a moment to realise that there was movement and someone else was brought in.

"Is that Ensign Gilmore?"

"What?" Chakotay appeared in Janeway's visual range as he stepped up to the window.

 _Interesting_ , Janeway thought.

"It's her alright," he confirmed and then after a moment he turned sharply on his heels. "This can't be a coincidence!"

Suddenly Janeway was quite alert and on her feet in seconds. "What is it?"

"We were all having a late dinner together last night. Gilmore, Dell, Parsons and Bronowski."

"That's right," Neelix said. "You've all tried my new recipe."

Janeway hit her Com-Badge. "Janeway to the Doctor – we might have a clue to solve the problem."

"I'll be with you momentarily."

"This could be it," Janeway said brightly.

A minute later the EMH came through the door. He listened to Chakotay's and Neelix' report, asked some questions about ingredients, about other crewmembers having eaten from that dish and what not. Then he turned around and started to leave.

"Can we go now?" B'Elanna asked. "We haven't eaten any of the stuff."

"For all I know the ones having ingested the food may only be carriers. And as long as I have no definitive conclusion, you'll stay here."

"But-" Janeway started and was cut off.

"No but," the Doctor said. "You'll be the first to know."

Janeway sighed in defeat, turned around and went back to her spot on the floor, where Seven still sat, leaving Chakotay and Neelix to talk. Tuvok hadn't even moved from his corner, where he sat silently, probably meditating.

"I'm getting really sick and tired of this," B'Elanna muttered.

"I know exactly how you feel," Janeway agreed and sat down, this time so close to Seven that their shoulders were touching.

"It will only be a matter of time until we're released," Seven said.

"Listen to the voice of reason," B'Elanna said. "Who would have thought?"

Janeway turned her head with a small smile.

Seven was looking at B'Elanna. "I'm more often than not the voice of reason, B'Elanna Torres," she said. "Especially with certain individuals."

"Hey," Janeway protested. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Seven looked at Janeway, the crested implant raising. "I don't recall stating your designation."

"Oooh, Seven, me thinks you touched a nerve."

Janeway looked around Seven and directed a level-ten glare at B'Elanna, who only grinned and leaned back against the wall.

"I used to have authority on this ship," Janeway grumbled and sat back herself.

"You still do, Captain."

Janeway smiled as she heard B'Elanna. "It's all good, Lieutenant."

After a few minutes the others began to settle down as well and the room went quiet.

Once more Janeway felt sleep creeping up on her and after the third time her head tilted sideways, she just let it. It was way too heavy to keep upright any longer.

tbc


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: There will be another break in this chapter.**

Which is the last thing Janeway remembered, before she woke with her head on Seven's shoulder, a crick in her neck and a blanket on top of her.

Janeway blinked her eyes open, trying to orient herself, and her gaze fell on B'Elanna's head, which was bedded on Seven's thigh.

With a soft "ouch" Janeway straightened and moved her head from side to side to loosen the stiff muscles, before she looked at Seven.

"Hey there," Janeway said softly. "Someone looks quite relaxed for a change." Janeway pointed with her chin to B'Elanna.

"Now she does, it took her forty-seven minutes and something to hold on to get there," Seven replied in an equally quiet tone.

Janeway's gaze dropped to B'Elanna. What could she be holding on to in here where they had nothing? Then Janeway noticed that Seven's hand disappeared underneath the blanket. Of course B'Elanna had something to hold on, she had a friend. Warm affection spread through Janeway as she lifted her eyes back to Seven. "I still can't believe how well the two of you get along, and the understanding you seem to have about each other," Janeway said. "Would you tell me how it changed?"

"The Lieutenant would state that it is because she can complain as much as she wants and I can be as silent as I want."

"But that's not how you see it, is it?"

"No, it's not," Seven replied. "I'm not sure I can explain it sufficiently." Seven looked down to the sleeping B'Elanna. "Somehow we seem to be able to diffuse each other when we are…"

"Upset?" Janeway suggested.

Seven looked at Janeway, who had to hide a smile about the contempt in Seven's face.

Then Seven's features softened. "Yes," she admitted. "At the beginning it were single remarks here and there from either one of us. Then there would be an answer and those answers became more elaborated." There was a slight smile in the corner of Seven's mouth. "Until we had whole conversations, based on clever defamations."

Janeway smiled as well.

"She keeps insisting that my supplements contains anti-freeze, while I advise her to cool of her head." Seven gave Janeway a side-glance. "I once lowered the temperature in Engineering for that purpose."

"I bet she loved that one," Janeway said dryly.

"It had the opposite effect, I'm afraid," Seven replied. "But now I'm aware on more than an intellectual level that Klingons don't tolerate the cold very much. I have yet to find a suitable way to cool her hot head."

"I believe you're doing just fine," Janeway stated and thought fleetingly about fire and ice while she had to yawn. "What time is it?"

"0145 hours."

With a frown Janeway looked at Seven. "How long did I sleep?"

"3.6 hours."

"I must have been tired," Janeway said in surprise. "How about you?"

"I will need to regenerate later."

Regenerate in Cargo Bay 2, with the children. Not a very cosy place. "Seven, I've asked you before and you declined," Janeway said somewhat haltingly, not looking at Seven.

"Elaborate, please."

"I asked you once before if you would like to have more privacy."

"As in having my own quarters?"

"Yes." Janeway looked at Seven. "I'd like to be able to visit you and not having just anyone barge in the room to search for something."

Seven returned Janeway's look. "I would like that," she said.

Janeway just smiled at her, brightly.

They sat for a while in companionable silence.

"Captain?"

"Yes, Seven?"

"Do you believe a large container of warm water would have the same effect to cool off Lieutenant Torres as cold water would?"

"Don't you dare," came a grumbled reply, before B'Elanna sat up, and with the blanket pulled around herself, she twisted her upper body from side to side. Then she looked at Seven. "If you come anywhere near me with a _bucket_ of water, I'll re-program the Doctor to tweak your implants when your next check-up is due," B'Elanna said. "Maybe some kind of magnetic-field that I have remote control over." She sat back against the wall. "I could have you pinned against the bulkhead just with a flick of my fingers."

Janeway laughed softly.

"You must feel apprehensive if you imagine ways to defeat me without having to actually fight."

"Pah! You'll not trick your way out of fighting me this easily," B'Elanna said.

"I did not attempt to," Seven replied coolly.

"Tonight," B'Elanna said. "After all this confinement I could use a work-out."

"Is there a certain time you have in mind?"

"I'd have to check when a holodeck is available."

Seven turned to Janeway and before she even asked, Janeway lifted her hand.

"We haven't made any plans, so please do with your time as you wish," Janeway said and realised that they had to talk about that as well. Then Janeway leaned close to Seven. "You could come and shower at my place afterwards," Janeway whispered into her ear and then settled back again with a small smile on her lips. She'd love to wash Seven's back, among other things. Of course Janeway didn't say that. But luckily, she didn't have to.

Seven agreed to B'Elanna's plan, before she leaned to Janeway. "Something excites you about the thought. Therefore I will come after the training."

Janeway said nothing but her smile deepened.

Suddenly the Forcefield at the door flickered.

"Sickbay to Captain Janeway."

"I'm here."

"You might have noticed that I've lifted the Forcefiled," the EMH said. "You're free to go."

"Well done, Doctor," Janeway said and got to her feet.

"I assume you're willing to wait for my full report until the morning?"

 _You bet!_ Janeway grinned. "Tell me what I need to know, the rest can wait."

"Let's just say, that this time the secret wasn't in the sauce, it was in the plant Mr. Neelix picked up and its symbiotic little friend. The transfer was indeed only through ingesting it. Needless to say, that the plant no longer is on the ship, nor is any of the food prepared with it."

"Thank you, Doctor," Janeway said. "I guess we can take the mobile scanners off?"

"Yes, except Commander Chakotay and Mr. Neelix. But they can retire to their quarters if they come to me first thing in the morning."

"I'll let them know."

"Oh, and Captain?"

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Your marry little group will not be on duty before…" There was slight pause. "Let's say 1000 hours. Doctor's order. And that includes you."

Janeway sighed. "Very well, Janeway out." She turned around and wasn't surprised to see her merry little group all on their feet. "You've heard him," Janeway said and pulled the monitor off her temple. "Go and get some rest, I'll see you – well later."

B'Elanna, with the huge yawn hidden behind one hand, was the first to leave, waving over her shoulder.

Janeway turned to Seven. "I'm going to have a quick check on the Bridge, before I head to bed."

"Would you mind if I accompany you?"

"Not at all," Janeway answered, then after nodding to the others, she left the laboratory and walked through the Doctor's office into Sickbay. Ensign Gilmore lay on one bed, but since she was on her side, Janeway assumed her to be sleeping rather than being sedated. Janeway glanced around and noticed the other occupants.

"They came in while we slept?"

"Yes, but unlike the others they showed no signs of any aggression, so there wasn't a lot of commotion," Seven replied.

Janeway nodded and after a last look over her crewmembers she left with Seven by her side.

They walked in silence towards the Turbolift, Janeway's thoughts on the last few hours.

As the two stood facing each other in the lift, Janeway realised something else as she took in Seven's composed posture. Chakotay had said that a partner was also a source of strength. And he was right, but Janeway had begun seeing Seven as a source of strength much earlier than he'd thought. How often had Seven's cool and steady voice been like balm to Janeway's nerves in the heat of a crisis?

"Captain?"

"Yes?" Janeway replied still distracted from her new insight.

" _What_ is a source of strength?"

"You," Janeway answered simply. "I just realised it even though Chakotay mentioned it before," she explained. At least to herself it was clear what she meant. According to Seven's questioning gaze it wasn't to her.

The Turbolift stopped and the doors opened. "Later," Janeway said and stepped out.

"Captain on the Bridge!"

"As you were." Janeway smiled and moved to the railing. "I just had the need to come up here after being holed up for hours." Janeway gazed to the view screen and inhaled deeply. Ironic as it was and as much as she was still encased in the metal bulk of Voyager, to be able to look out and into space made her feel free again. Janeway simply stood there for a couple of minutes with Seven slightly behind her on her left side – a silent sentinel.

Once Janeway had looked her fill, she inhaled again, before she bid the crew a good night and left – through the Conference Room and after a quick stop at the washroom.

As Janeway and Seven were in a Turbolift again, Janeway looked at Seven. "I'm feeling torn," she said quietly. "I'm really tired but I'd love to fall asleep in your arms again."

"I could simply leave when you are asleep and regenerate afterwards."

Janeway smiled. "To be honest, I'm not sure I can keep my fingers to myself once you're in my bed."

The implant above Seven's eye rose. "You need to sleep, you have had only-"

"Please don't," Janeway said. "I don't want to know exact numbers." She tilted her head. "That being said, I've had a lot of sleepless nights and they were far less enjoyable."

Seven leaned forward and into Janeway's space. "That might be true, but I will not have you walk around this ship like a mindless automaton because of me."

"Who said it's because of you?"

The implant rose even higher.

"Alright," Janeway said slowly, not knowing if she was peeved or warmed by Seven's attitude. "No touching you then."

Seven straightened up again. "Then I will agree."

"You're harsh."

"No, I'm the voice of reason," Seven retorted.

Janeway laughed, then looked at Seven thoughtfully. _Let's see how reasonable you are once you're in my grasp._

The lift stopped and Janeway and Seven walked along the quiet corridors to Janeway's quarters.

Once there, Janeway asked the computer to set the lighting to thirty percent and went straight through to the bedroom. Like she knew she would, Seven followed Janeway. At the door Janeway got rid of her shoes, before she went to her side of the bed. Taking off the Com-Badge and the insignias, Janeway put them on the nightstand, then undid the jacket of the uniform and slipped out of it. The turtleneck was next, which she pulled over her head. As Janeway opened her eyes again, her gaze fell on Seven's reflection in the window and her movements faltered. Janeway hadn't even tried to be seductive, hadn't tried to get Seven's attention on purpose. She'd simply wanted to stretch out on the bed and see where it went from there. But now Janeway was very much aware that Seven was observing every move Janeway made.

With her heart pounding, Janeway slowly turned around, her nipples tightening under Seven's gaze. There was no way for Janeway to hide her excitement, since Seven could read her so easily. But Janeway said nothing. Maybe if she kept silent about it, Seven wouldn't leave and Janeway could at least fall asleep in her arms – sooner or later, depending on how much her body persisted on being touched.

Janeway swallowed, reached for the hem of the shirt and pulled it over her head. Janeway did not look at Seven as she unhooked the bra and took it off as well. Only as the fabric hit the floor, did Janeway lift her eyes to Seven's.

Were they darker than before? It was too dim in the room and Seven too far away to say for sure. There wasn't any body language to go by either as Seven just stood there in her statuesque-like posture.

Janeway's hands were trembling as she undid the button on the uniform pants. When she started to pull on the zipper it got caught and nothing she tried got it released.

Then Seven was in front of her and without a word moved Janeway's hands away, before she went to work on the zipper. It took Seven about five seconds to get it undone, but instead of backing away again, Seven briefly glanced into Janeway's eyes. Then her hands were on Janeway's hips and moved underneath the pants.

Overwhelmed with another rush of desire, Janeway closed her eyes. _Easy there, she's probably just being practical._

Seven pushed down the pants and like she had done yesterday, she simply took the undergarment off at the same time, then bend down to pull the clothes from Janeway's feet.

They still hadn't spoken a word, as Seven straightened and put her hands on Janeway's hips, pushing her backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed. Grateful for the opportunity to get the weight of her not quite so stable legs, Janeway sat onto the edge, just to have Seven kneel in front of her.

Janeway couldn't take this any longer and if Seven was adamant about not getting into anything, she had to leave – now. Janeway had just opened her mouth to tell her exactly that, when Seven turned her upper body sideways and wedged herself between Janeway's knees.

tbc

 **AN: You know the drill ;o) Links will be on my profile.**


	13. Chapter 13

The next day was thankfully back to normal business. Everyone who had been infected with the symbiotic friend, as Janeway had dubbed it, was declared fit for duty.

The Doctor send Janeway on her way with his report in a PADD, saying that he'd much rather have her skim over it in her office instead of having to watch her eyes glaze over as he talked. There were no complaints from her on this one.

The rest of her duty shift Janeway sat on the Bridge in her chair and kept her eyes on the view screen most of the time.

Even Janeway's evening started out pretty ordinary, her sitting in a chair, her feet propped up and a book on her lap.

Things changed however, as Seven came after her training session with B'Elanna. Janeway watched with fascination as Seven stalked through the room. At first Janeway was worried, because she could see scratches and bruises on Seven's arms and even in her face.

Janeway stood up and went around the table. Then she saw the look in Seven's eyes, the vitality in them. She was practically vibrating with it, hardly able to contain it.

"You're hurt," Janeway said.

"It is nothing to be concerned about," Seven replied and cocked her head. "You suggested I could shower at your place after the match."

"Be my guest." Janeway pointed to the back of the living room.

"Will you join me?"

That had been the plan yesterday. "If you want me to," Janeway replied.

"Yes, I do."

"Alright," Janeway answered but didn't move. Something was brewing here and she wasn't quite sure what it was. Then Seven's gaze moved down Janeway's body and she got a pretty good idea what was going on.

"How are you feeling after the sparring?" Janeway asked casually.

Seven's eyes came back up to Janeway's. "Very much alive," she answered and moved towards Janeway. "Elated and-" Seven stopped before Janeway.

"And very aroused," Janeway finished the sentence.

"Yes," Seven replied before she bent her head to kiss Janeway.

It was the second time in as many days that Seven picked Janeway up and carried her towards the bedroom, and this time Janeway didn't stop her. Instead she began to kiss Seven's temple and nuzzle the skin beside the crested implant.

Seven's steps faltered, but she caught herself again and walked even faster. Soon they were in the bathroom, where Seven released her grip on Janeway. Her feet had barely touched the ground, when Janeway leaned in and traced the tip of her tongue along Seven's jawline towards the starburst-like implant. "May I?" Janeway whispered, stopping just short of the metal.

"Yes," Seven answered hoarsely and even turned her head to grant better access.

Janeway continued on her track, letting her tongue slide between the metal rays and as a shudder went through Seven, Janeway slipped her hands underneath the shirt and slid them onto the small of Seven's back, right over the big brother of the implant she was teasing with her tongue.

Janeway had expected some kind of reaction but not with being pushed against the wall and Seven pinning her there, grinding against Janeway.

Seven braced herself with her lower arms against the wall above their heads and then tilted her head sideways so that the implant was right before Janeway.

Taking that as a very obvious invitation for more of the same, Janeway moved her hands onto Seven's back, letting her fingers explore the soft skin between the metal, while at the same time she leaned in to lick once more along Seven's jaw.

Seven arched into Janeway with a hiss, who tried to move her legs to give Seven something to move against. But Janeway had no chance.

"Back off for a second."

Seven's head moved and the half-lidded eyes with the dilated pupils made Janeway catch her breath.

"Why?"

"Because it might even feel better if you let me move my legs a bit," Janeway replied.

The pressure against Janeway lessened and she altered her stance, so that their legs moved between each other as she pulled Seven close again. Janeway pressed her thigh against Seven as she trailed her fingers over the big starburst.

This time, as Seven arched into Janeway, her crotch met the offered thigh and with a low moan Seven pressed herself closer, shamelessly rubbing herself against Janeway.

Janeway moved her mouth close to Seven's ear. "You're so damn sexy," Janeway whispered and traced the shell of Seven's ear with her tongue, before dipping into it, earning a moan from Seven.

Janeway let her hands slide from Seven's back downwards and underneath the sweatpants, discovering to her surprise and excitement that Seven wore no panties, and moved them onto the firm muscles of the buttocks, first stroking, then kneading them. Janeway was rewarded with another moan and more pressure onto her thigh.

Janeway tried to move her hand even further, to reach Seven's clit but realised soon that she couldn't make it or at least not for as long as she wanted.

"Captain… need you."

"I know, Seven," Janeway said and kissed her. "But it's not going to work like this."

Seven moaned again. "Then how?"

"I need access to your cunt and freedom to move."

Seven shuddered before she leaned back and with a vicious move of her Borg-enhanced hand shredded her sweatpants.

Janeway blinked twice, then closed her mouth. _Get your act together, you're the one here who's able to think at least a little bit right now!_

"Sit," Janeway said and pointed to a corner. "I'll not have you crash in here." She would never forget the sight of Seven in her unravelled state, the lascivious look in her eyes and with pieces of the torn sweatpants dangling from her body, as she moved to where Janeway wanted her.

Janeway knelt before her and without hesitation moved her fingers through Seven's wet folds and then slid inside.

It was fast and furious, especially as Janeway took one of Seven's hands and put it onto her pubic bone, asking Seven to touch herself. Then Janeway leaned in and kissed Seven, mimicking with her tongue what she was doing further down with her fingers.

It seemed only like a short moment, before Seven broke the kiss. "Captain…" she whispered hoarsely and stared into Janeway's eyes. Seven's legs clamped around Janeway's hand and muscles began to contract around her fingers.

"You are marvellous," Janeway murmured as Seven allowed her to see the orgasm in her eyes.

Later on, after they had showered – without any funny business – they had dinner together and then cuddled on the couch, talking and just enjoying being close to one another.

tbc


	14. Chapter 14

This set the theme for almost two weeks. They worked and they met with other people or followed other obligations – and it seemed that Seven had a lot more of those than Janeway had. There were the Borg-children to take care of, Naomi to play kadis-kot or have a meal with, B'Elanna took up some of Seven's time and the list seemed to go on.

But when the time allowed it, Janeway and Seven spent it together, getting to know each other better, and not only sexually, even though that was part of it as well.

They were indeed interrupted a few times, which had Janeway almost in stiches the first time it happened. Janeway was grumbling a little but then recalled vividly what Seven had said at the beginning about believing intercourse with Janeway would be far better than she remembered from Unimatrix Zero and therefor wanting lots of intercourse and the impossibility of being interrupted every time.

Seven had been right of course, as she pointed out, with exact numbers to prove her point.

But they weren't always disturbed while they had sex and it wasn't only by ship's business. B'Elanna came over a few times, the first happened to be after she broke off with Tom. Needless to say it weren't the happiest couple of hours they had.

Later that very evening, Seven told Janeway that she had a hard time understanding the concept of the many different kind of relationships humanoid individuals had and what each one implied.

"It is puzzling and I find it difficult to grasp the boundaries."

Janeway had lowered her book as Seven talked. "That's quite the topic you're bringing up," Janeway said. "But then again, after the evening we had, it's probably not a surprise."

"Today is not the first time I have contemplated that particular subject," Seven said. "There are blood or family-relations, acquaintances, colleagues, friendship, affairs, romantic relationships and what not and all of them are defined differently."

"And some of them differ again from person to person," Janeway added dryly.

"Which does not make it any easier to understand," Seven stated with mild exasperation.

"No, it doesn't." Janeway agreed and put the book aside.

Seven focused her gaze on Janeway. "You said once that you considered me a friend, did you not?"

"To be honest, I'm not sure I chose the term friend because it was the only option I saw at that time," Janeway answered. "Remember that I had many reasons in my mind why a relationship with you was not in my future. Therefore a friendship was the next best thing. Does that make any sense to you?"

"I understand what you are saying," Seven said, her gaze still attentive. "I have thought of you as many things but I never considered you a friend."

"Oh?"

Seven lifted the crested implant. "After you severed me from the hive-mind I definitely had no friendly feelings towards you."

"I remember that you weren't too happy with me," Janeway acquiesced with a light grin.

"No, I wasn't," Seven said. "With time, however, I came to respect you, even though a lot of the times I didn't understand the decisions you made." The corner of her mouth twitched. "Sometimes I still don't."

"Is that so?" Janeway lifted an enquiring brow. "Care to elaborate that?"

"Suffice it to say, that I not only respect you, I also trust your choices," Seven said. "Except when it comes to you trying to wind yourself out of getting involved with me."

Janeway laughed at that. "Touché."

Seven smiled. "Then there was a time where I honestly can't say what you were to me. I had no concept of how to define the relation between us," she continued and cocked her head. "Until Unimatrix Zero. After the experience with Axum and the memories it set free, I knew what I wanted you to be to me. I wanted those touches of yours to be deliberately meant for me."

Not knowing what to say, Janeway just smiled softly and reached for Seven's hand, grasping it tightly.

"After I had my own state of mind sorted out and started to pay more attention to you, I was rather mystified."

"Ah, the symptoms," Janeway said.

Seven nodded. "The symptoms and the fact that it hadn't occurred to me that you would be attracted to a female, had me verify my findings."

"Threw you for a loop there, ey?" Janeway grinned and as she saw the questioning look in Seven's face, added: "I surprised you."

"Indeed," Seven confirmed. "Do you consider yourself to be bisexual?"

"Some would probably say so," Janeway answered. "But despite the fact that I was engaged to a male, I actually prefer females." Janeway knew it would lead straight to the next question.

"Why were you engaged to a male then?"

Janeway sighed. "I've had quite some time to think about it," she began. "And looking back, I believe, Mark felt safe and I needed to feel safe back then. He was also like an anchor once we were out here." Janeway's thoughts went back to what had been before Mark and she suddenly felt cold. It had been nine years but it still affected her on some level; the deceptions, the lies...

"Captain?"

Janeway looked up into Seven's blue eyes and felt the chill dissipate. "Let's just say that I was young and believed that love could conquer everything and make kings out of beggars."

Seven frowned. "I'm quite certain I don't understand what you are saying."

"Never mind. I was emotionally devastated and Mark picked up the pieces."

"Did he know about your interest in BDSM?"

Surprised by this turn of topic, Janeway blinked. "Yes, he did. But he didn't share it."

Seven cocked her head and studied Janeway curiously.

"Out with it," Janeway laughed. "I know there's another question coming."

"Very well, if he did not share your interest, how were you able to satisfy your needs?"

"Mark and I had an agreement. Every six months there was a big gathering for a weekend on Earth where I would go to," Janeway told her. "I had explained to him right at the beginning, that I needed to still be a part of this community and have the connection there, and that I needed to have BDSM in my life." Janeway took a sip of water. "In his mind it was defined as something non-sexual because there wasn't to be any intercourse, even though I tried to tell him that a play without touching or being touched at your genitals was still very much an intimate thing. For him the most intimate thing to have was the actual intercourse and achieving orgasm through it."

"I have read that some individuals can achieve orgasm through pain," Seven said. "If that is accurate, I would say that counts as intimate even in his definition."

Janeway felt the corner of her mouth lift slightly. "Yes to both."

The implant above Seven's eye rose. "Should I make a note at this point?"

Janeway's smile deepened. "You might want to do that," she replied. "It has only been once, though."

For a moment Seven just studied Janeway, who took another sip.

"If I were to follow this line of conversation, I would get distracted and so would you," Seven finally said. "But there is another question I have."

Janeway cleared her throat and banned all thoughts of the spanking that she had received back then and which had led to an orgasm. "Yes?"

"So this relationship with Mark wasn't monogamous?"

"Not quite, no."

"Does that mean you aren't monogamous?"

"I don't have much experience, except with Mark all my relationships were monogamous. And he himself wasn't actually seeing someone else," Janeway answered. "I have known people who had been in polyamorous relationships that worked really well; otherwise I would never had the nerve to ask for those two weekends a year. But we weren't really poly, that's quite another concept."

"Explain."

Janeway laughed softly. "I'm not sure I can, Seven, not sufficiently."

"Try, please."

"Alright," Janeway said thoughtfully. "Think of a network of people," she started and knowing Seven, added: "On a small scale, please. Not thousands."

"Hundreds?"

Janeway smiled. "Smaller. We're talking about humanoids here. If nothing else, most of them need to actually talk with each other, which takes time in itself."

"I've said it before, a hive-mind is more efficient. There is no need for explanations, you just understand."

Janeway lifted an eyebrow. "We've been there before," she said dryly.

"And as before, I am teasing," Seven said.

Janeway took off her insignias, leaned forward and placed two of them on the table. "Let's start really small," Janeway said. "There are two people, say a couple."

"Like the two of us."

Janeway gave Seven a side-glance. "Yes, like us." Janeway took a third insignia and placed it above the other two, so it looked like a triangle. "Now, one of the couple, or maybe even both get involved in some way with a third party."

"Both of them?"

Still leaning over the table, Janeway looked over her shoulder at Seven. "Yes, maybe even both of them."

"Have you ever been with two individuals at once?"

"No, not really."

The crested implant shot up. "Explain _not really_."

Janeway sat back a little, feeling a blush creep into her cheeks. _That's what you get if you don't choose your words carefully_. "Well, I've had plays in… uhm… semi-public places where others might have watched," Janeway said. "But other than that, I've only been with one person at the time."

Janeway felt a bit uncomfortable under Seven's scrutiny. "What?"

"You are very good at keeping your private life private," Seven said.

"Of course I am. The military might have gotten better with certain things, like same-gender couples, but there is no way I'm taking any chances with that particular topic."

"I apologize, it was not my intention to offend you," Seven said. "I am just surprised about the things I discover about you."

Janeway reached out and squeezed Seven's hand. "No need to apologize," she replied. "I should actually be more aware of using certain terms which are self-explanatory to others but not to you. I'll try to do better."

Seven nodded and then pointed with her chin to the table. "So a couple might get involved with someone else."

"Yes." Janeway turned back to the table.

"Have you ever considered being with two individuals at the same time?"

Janeway had just reached out to place the forth insignia on the table and froze midway. Then she turned her head to Seven. "Sometimes I'm not sure if you ask me those questions out of curiosity or if you want to create a reaction."

"What kind of reaction would I want to create?"

Janeway shook her head. "Never mind," she said, reminding herself who she was talking to. "If I say, that I had actually thought about a threesome, you'll not go and try to find a third party?"

"There is no suitable third party aboard this vessel."

"I'm glad we've got this sorted out," Janeway mumbled.

"What is the allure for you to have a third party involved?"

Janeway sat back and thought for a moment. "Well, one part is probably that greedy side of me, which imagines how it must feel to have four hands moving over my body or two sets of lips covering me with kisses," she said slowly, then tilted her head and looked intensely at Seven. "Or to band together with someone else and drive somebody crazy with our touches."

Seven's eyes widened. "You would do that?"

"Oh, yes," Janeway replied. "I certainly would."

Seven's face didn't move but Janeway saw her swallow. "Have you ever thought about being with two people at once?"

"No," Seven answered. "Not prior to this, that is."

"Is it excitement or apprehension you're feeling?"

"I am not certain."

Pulling one leg up and under herself, Janeway turned to fully face Seven. "Again I have to ask something of you." Janeway waited for Seven to acknowledge the words, which she did by nodding.

"Think about what you want and what you feel comfortable with. Not every fantasy has to become real. Some fantasies are just that: a fantasy. Please don't ever agree to anything simply because I might want to do something. If it doesn't feel right for you then it doesn't. Maybe it will later, maybe not at all," Janeway said. "If I discover something that I want to try and you don't want to participate, we'll need to talk and find a solution we both can agree upon. The same goes for you. Do you understand what I am saying?"

Seven nodded slowly.

"Having said all that..." Janeway smiled softly. "I'm quite happy and satisfied with getting to know you. There are still plenty of things I want to explore with you."

The implant above Seven's eye rose in interest.

Janeway's smile deepened. "And now you want to know what I'm talking about."

"I would like that very much, yes."

Janeway pointed to the table. "You wanted to talk about poly."

"You don't have enough insignias to continue that thought," Seven stated. "We might as well change the subject."

That made Janeway laugh. "That's cheap, Seven. I could get plenty of other things to demonstrate my words."

"Please tell me," Seven said, her eyes now pleading as much as her words did.

"Alright," Janeway agreed and looked thoughtfully down on her hands. What to pick?

Seven's hand moved atop Janeway's and squeezed it lightly. She had such elegant hands. Unlike Janeway's own bony, almost spidery fingers, Seven's were softly padded. Janeway wondered how it might feel to have her all the way inside and had to swallow. _God, I want to feel that._ Just thinking about it made Janeway feel light-headed.

"Feel what?"

Janeway hadn't realised that she had spoken out loud and lifted her gaze to meet Seven's.

Seven caught her breath and then her hand was on Janeway's cheek. "What is it that you want to feel?"

Try as she might, Janeway couldn't talk and helplessly put a hand in the nape of Seven's neck, pulling her closer until she could lean her forehead against Seven's. Janeway was floored by the immense sense of closeness and intimacy she felt just by the thought of Seven fisting her. _You'd never survive the real thing._

"I…" Janeway swallowed again. "I…" She shook her head. "Can't talk."

"Understood," Seven said softly. "Do you _want_ to tell me?"

Janeway nodded.

"Is there any way you can show me?"

Janeway thought for a moment. Actually… Janeway took Seven's hand and formed a fist with it, the thumb neatly tucked underneath the fingers. After that Janeway closed her own hand around the fist. A shiver went through Janeway and she closed her eyes. "Want to have… as much of you inside… as I can," she whispered.

"As in my whole hand?" Seven sounded awed.

"Yes."

Seven turned her fist slightly and Janeway gasped at the sliding sensation along her palm. The feeling had Janeway respond somewhere else as well, and blood began to pulse between her legs.

"How?" It was only a single word but Seven's tone held the astonishment that she obviously felt.

Once more Janeway took Seven's hand, straightened it and pushed the tips of the fingers together. With her other hand Janeway formed a circle, mimicking the entrance to her cunt, before she eased Seven's pointed fingers into her hollowed hand.

"With lots of lube and even more patience," Janeway whispered, slightly twisting Seven's hand from side to side, as she slowly opened her fingers to let Seven pass a little deeper into her hand.

Janeway felt herself getting wet as Seven took the initiative and began to push.

"Will your – cunt be as tight as your hand?" Seven wanted to know, her voice still hushed.

"Yes," Janeway breathed, concentrating on the slow pushes and twists. "Maybe even more so."

"Then there isn't much for me to do but be there and wait as long as it takes and hope that you will eventually open up and let me in."

Seven's words touched Janeway deeply and she loosened her fingers, letting Seven pass before she closed her hand around the fist.

Janeway heard Seven's intake of breath and moved her head so she could whisper: "Being there with me, in that moment and having the patience to wait until I open up for you is not what I consider _doing nothing_ , Seven. It's the _perfectly right_ _thing_ to do."

"I apologize for my poor choice of words," Seven replied. "What I wanted to express-"

"I know what you meant," Janeway interrupted her. "I just emphasized that you were right." She squeezed Seven's hand and another shiver went through her as her cunt squeezed in response, even though it was around empty air.

Janeway pulled her head back a little and looked into Seven's eyes. "This isn't just about sex," Janeway said and took Seven's other hand, the one with the exoskeleton, and put it over her heart, causing Seven to lower her gaze at it.

"It's about trust…" Janeway swallowed around the lump in her throat. "It's about trust and letting you in."

Seven's eyes came up to meet Janeway's. "I believe I understand," she replied quietly. "Yet, would I try to describe what I am feeling, I would fail."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because most of the times I fall back to rather technical and detached terms."

"I've known you and the way you express yourself for quite a while," Janeway said. "And you're doing a pretty good job at getting across what you mean. So please tell me."

Seven looked down to where their hands were still joined and moved her fist a little.

Janeway's lids fluttered shut and she took a deep breath.

"There is quite a difference to your reactions," Seven said and Janeway opened her eyes, returning the gaze.

"Whereas before you might not have had the breath to talk or were struggling to find the right words, I have never witnessed you not being able to talk." Seven's eyes moved back and forth between Janeway's. "I believe it was due to the emotional intensity."

Janeway nodded. "Yes."

"Then there is the fact that your physical responses are there, but much more subdued compared to other times when we initiated sex."

"That's only partially true," Janeway said with a soft smile. "Only the signs, which you can easily detect, are subdued."

Seven looked questioningly at Janeway.

"I am _very_ wet."

A shiver went through Seven and Janeway could feel the fist in her hand twitch, which caused her to shiver as well.

"One could say that this only proves the point that this is more about you wanting to have this emotional and intimate joining of us then it is about the physical aspect of having sex."

"I'd say the term making love is apt here," Janeway said softly.

"Will you allow me to make love with you?"

"Now?"

"Yes." Plain and simple.

"I… Seven, I'm emotionally unhinged as it is. I'm not sure that now is the right time. I might fall apart completely."

Seven put her hand against Janeway's cheek and Janeway leaned into the touch.

"If this is more about the emotional intensity rather than the physical one, then this is the perfect time," Seven said. "And if it's also about trust…" Seven cocked her head. "You said once that you trust me with your life, yes?"

"Yes."

"I value your heart as much as your life, Captain."

In amazement Janeway stared at Seven. Why would she ever doubt her ability to express her feelings? "You are unbelievable," Janeway whispered with a smile. "And yes, I'd love to make love with you."

tbc


	15. Chapter 15

Sometime later the two were on the bed, with a box of gloves, the lube and a towel beside them. Another towel was spread underneath Janeway and her head was propped up by pillows.

Seven, who had just meticulously caressed almost every square inch of Janeway's body, reached for a glove and pulled it over her hand.

Janeway watched every wriggle of Seven's fingers inside the latex and inhaled deeply. _That is the hand that is about to be inside of me_ , she thought.

Apparently Seven had heard Janeway and looked over, her hands still extended before her. It took Janeway a moment to tear her eyes off the hand and return Seven's gaze.

"Please don't mind me admiring your sex- sexy hands," Janeway said.

Seven narrowed her eyes, then stretched out beside Janeway. "Is _hand_ really what you meant to say?" She asked, casually trailing her fingers over Janeway's arm.

With a smile Janeway told the truth: "No, it wasn't."

"What was it then?"

"Something like sex organ."

Seven's finger stilled and her face turned slowly towards Janeway.

"Damn it," Janeway said with a soft laugh. "I should have known that would throw you off." She took Seven's hand and held it up between their faces. "You use this to touch and arouse me," Janeway said. "You penetrate me with it regularly and quite nicely, I might add. What would you call it?"

"A multifunctional instrument," Seven replied without missing a beat.

Janeway shook her head with a snort. "Of course you would."

"Sex organ is imprecise but I understand your meaning."

"Really? Let me demonstrate the difference between a multifunctional instrument and a sex organ." With the tip of her finger, Janeway began to softly caress Seven's gloved finger, becoming rather quickly annoyed with the folds the latex created. With a quick move, Janeway tore the glove off and tossed it to the side. Then she started again and trailed her finger over Seven's digits a few times, before she slowly moved it down onto and across the palm. Janeway smiled as a finger twitched and gave Seven a quick glance.

 _Full impact, round one to Janeway._

Janeway pulled Seven's hand closer and repeated with her tongue what she had done before, first concentrating on the fingers, then letting the tip of her tongue slide across the palm. This time several of Seven's fingers twitched.

 _Full impact, round two to Janeway._

Janeway didn't look up as she licked her way up the fingers again, taking the tips of the index and middle finger carefully between her teeth, holding them there while she let her tongue slide around the sensitive tips.

 _Now for the final round_ , Janeway thought and lifted her gaze to watch Seven as she released the fingers from between her teeth and then pushed them inside her mouth, pulled them almost all the way out, before pushing them back in even deeper.

Seven's eyes widened and a soft noise escaped her lips as she caught her breath.

 _Full impact, final round to-_

Seven, apparently over her initial surprise, took over and pulled her hand back a bit and began to explore Janeway's lip; following its contour, then dipping in slightly to caress the inside.

"Consider your demonstration a success," Seven said and pushed her fingers inside Janeway's mouth.

Janeway inhaled deeply through the nose and closed her eyes as Seven began to move her fingers like she had done in Janeway's cunt many times before.

"It's a double-edged sword, though, isn't it?"

Seven's low voice was closer and Janeway opened her eyes to look at her.

"Who is arousing who?" Seven's gaze shifted from her moving fingers to Janeway's eyes. "We are both competitive personalities, sometimes trying to gain the upper hand. But whereas I am often compelled to do so, I don't want to compete with you at this moment," she said and pulled her fingers out. "I feel even less compelled when I recall how we came to this moment." Seven leaned in and kissed Janeway softly. "I want to make love with you."

"I guess my demonstration got a little out of hand." Janeway reached up and touched Seven's face. "But actually I don't want to compete either."

Without another word Seven pushed herself up and took a new glove.

Janeway sat up as well. "Let me, please."

Seven gave her a sceptical look and Janeway shook her head. "No contest, I promise. Just… just getting back into the mood."

There was no hesitation as Seven handed over the glove. Janeway took it and spread it open before she held it out for Seven, who slid her hand into the latex. Once she was inside, Janeway let go and carefully arranged each finger so that there were no uncomfortable wrinkles.

After she had finished, Janeway formed Seven's hand into a fist and curled her own around it before she lifted her eyes to Seven. "I…" Janeway swallowed. "I might be saying a lot of things, you know, once you've started because of the intensity," she said and lowered her gaze as her heart was suddenly in her throat. "But there is one thing I want to tell you while my brain is still functioning." Janeway looked up. "I love you."

Seven's eyes lit up and with a dazzling smile she bent her head to Janeway. "I believe I return the sentiment."

Even if the words hadn't been enough to steal Janeway's breath, the kiss that followed certainly did the trick. Janeway was flat on her back, Seven laying half on top of her, when Seven finally broke the kiss.

For a moment they simply looked at each other, both breathing hard, then they simultaneously started to smile.

Seven shifted and lay down beside Janeway. Lifting her gloved hand, she put it onto Janeway's sternum and then moved it down – straight down, no deviation – and Janeway spread her legs for Seven.

The implant above Seven's eye moved up as she found Janeway quiet wet, and the gasp turned into a soft laugh as Janeway saw her surprise.

"Yes," Janeway said, "I'm ready for you."

"So it seems," Seven replied and with two fingers moved slowly inside.

Slow was the operative word for what followed, as Seven began the process of opening Janeway up so very gently. Her patience in itself had Janeway almost sobbing and by the time the widest part of Seven's hand was inside, the tears were running.

Seven stilled instantly and Janeway took a couple of deep breaths.

"You're not hurting me," Janeway whispered with a shaky smile. "I'm just feeling stretched in a really good way." She reached down and took hold of Seven's free hand, squeezing tightly. "It feels amazing."

Seven nodded then turned her head to look down. "It is remarkable," she agreed and started to twist her hand again, sending cascades of shivers down Janeway's spine, as the knuckles brushed her inner walls.

Clasping the other hand even harder, Janeway gulped down some air before she breathed out and out and – Seven slid in.

Even through her own emotional and physical reactions Janeway did notice Sevens astonishment and she would never forget how Seven looked down to where her hand disappeared inside and then up again.

"I am inside of you!"

"Yes," Janeway whispered. "Yes, you are."

"You let me in."

"And I intend to keep you there for a little while," Janeway said and flexed the muscles inside.

Seven's eyes grew even wider and her head swivelled back and forth. "I… I require assistance; I do not know how to proceed."

As it was most of the times, to Janeway the speech-pattern was an indicator about Seven's state of mind, and she let go of Seven's hand to caress her face softly. "Just being with me for a moment, without doing anything would be lovely."

Seven nodded. "I can do that."

"I know." Janeway smiled. "You could put your head on my stomach and even close your eyes."

"I would not be able to see you anymore."

"No, but you'd still feel me," Janeway replied. "Try it?"

Seven looked for a heartbeat or two at Janeway, then sighed and lowered her head onto Janeway's stomach. Even though Seven's body-control was above average, Janeway still felt her move inside and inhaled deeply. Which caused Seven to tense and Janeway quickly put a hand on her head.

"Stay, please," Janeway said softly, and following an inspiration she undid Seven's hair. Janeway smiled as the soft tresses flowed onto her skin and she began to stroke Seven's neck. It only took a couple of minutes until she could feel Seven relax and mould herself against Janeway's body.

Janeway closed her eyes and focused on herself and how marvellous full Seven made her feel. This time it wasn't intentionally that her cunt closed around the hand inside of her.

"This is indescribable," Seven murmured. "Your muscles are quite strong."

"Yes, they are," Janeway replied and flexed them for a moment before easing up again.

Janeway had no idea what exactly Seven did, but suddenly she felt even more filled for a second or two, and with a hum she took a deep breath.

Seven lifted her head and looked at Janeway. "Please tell me if I am doing something wrong."

"I'll let you know if I'm uncomfortable."

Obviously satisfied with the answer, Seven scooted a little further down, and then her inquisitive side took over. At first her movements were very tentative but she grew more and more confident in her explorations. Soon Janeway had the feeling that Seven hadn't left a square-millimetre untouched inside of her.

Janeway had this moment before, were she had felt as if Seven would reach all the way up inside of her but it had been far from the intensity it had now and Janeway quite literally couldn't breathe. It was at the same time unbelievable fulfilling but also rather scary, almost as if Seven had her whole arm inside of Janeway instead of "just" her fist.

Seven eased off and Janeway inhaled deeply a couple of times.

"You stopped breathing. Why?"

"Not sure," Janeway gasped. "Intense… a bit scary… feel you up to here." She put a hand on her sternum.

Seven lifted the implant above her eye. "I assure you-"

Janeway laughed breathlessly. "I know it's not possible, but it still _feels_ like it."

"Would you rather have me not repeat it?"

Janeway swallowed. It did feel wonderful and not only scary. "Please do it again," Janeway said and reached out. "Hold my hand?"

Seven shifted slightly and then took Janeway's hand. "I will proceed, if you are ready."

Janeway nodded.

Seven's push was subtle at first, almost not noticeable, but the pressure grew and shoved something like a compression wave up through Janeway's core.

Then Seven twisted her hand and a jolt of such pure hot passion shot through Janeway's whole body, that it had her on her elbows instantly.

"Again… please… oh-"

Another turn of Seven's hand.

"Yes!" Janeway pushed her pelvic hard against Seven's fist. "Please… Seven…" she gasped. "Gods, please don't stop!"

Another jolt buzzed through Janeway and her thrusts became harder, more erratic and she began to beg in earnest for Seven not to stop, to do anything but stop because she'd surely die otherwise.

Janeway could see Seven's lips move, but didn't hear a word. And Janeway didn't care, since Seven didn't stop what she was doing.

The pauses between the jolts became shorter and shorter until it was one long buzz and Janeway was certain, she would die because Seven _hadn't_ stopped.

Then the world turned upside down and Janeway felt like she hung in suspension for a moment before she finally orgasmed.

Janeway came to, crying and babbling and Seven trying to comfort her while still being inside of her.

"I'm sorry, I'm such a mess," Janeway whispered through tears, which probably wasn't all that different from what she had said just seconds before.

"Are you able to instruct me on how to get out of you without tearing you apart?" Seven asked while stroking Janeway's face.

Janeway blinked in confusion but then remembered. "There's probably a vacuum. Just push inside with another finger."

Seven did exactly that and then oh-so-slowly started to withdraw her hand – which caused all sorts of mixed emotions on Janeway's part, reaching from a sense of loss to relieve. The latter only due to the fact that as soon as Seven's hand was out Seven came up to Janeway and embraced her.

Janeway pulled on the shirt, the one she had insisted that Seven put it on before they started, and said: "Please take it off."

Seven followed Janeway's wish without a word, then came back and wrapped her once more into her arms.

Once Janeway felt Seven's warm skin against her own, she sighed contentedly. "Better, thank you," Janeway said and moved as close to Seven as she could.

"I share your desire for closeness and it does feel better without anything between us."

"Yes." There was nothing more Janeway had to add for the time being and she simply enjoyed the aftermath of their encounter, now that she was able to without the emotional overload.

After a while Janeway felt Seven shift and opened her eyes. Seven had lifted her hand turning it in the air while flexing the fingers.

Janeway watched for a moment, then asked what Seven was thinking about.

"Even though I've seen it with my own eyes and I've felt you all around me… yet, I still find it hard to believe that this hand was inside of you."

"I imagine it feels incredible."

Seven's hand stilled. "Have you never done it yourself?"

"No, I've only been on the receiving side a few times," Janeway answered.

"Would you like to?"

Janeway smiled. "I'd love to."

"Then I suggest you put it on your list of the things you want to explore with me."

Janeway shifted so that she could look at Seven. "If that's something you'd also like to try, yes, I'll write it down."

"I would."

"I'm looking forward to it," Janeway said.

"Afterwards you will have to tell me, if you had the same desire to wrap your whole body around me while you were inside of me."

"That's a wonderful thought. Is that how you felt?"

"Yes," Seven replied. "I have yet to find a position to achieve that where neither of us will get hurt. A broken wrist wouldn't be advisable in such a moment and not of much use."

"I agree!" Janeway said with mock horror, then smiled softly. "I'll let you know how it was for me." She reached for Seven's hand and pulled it to her mouth. "What I can tell you right now, is that you felt wonderful." Janeway placed a kiss on the hand. "Is there anything I can do for you, now that I have my wiz back?"

Seven tucked on Janeway's hand and Janeway moved to let her have it. Seven kissed each knuckle before she looked at Janeway. "No, I don't want to distract myself and – how would you phrase it? Stay in the mood?"

Janeway nodded with a smile. "Sounds about right and I'm fine with that too."

Which is how they spent the rest of the evening or rather a part of the night, cuddling and talking before Janeway finally fell asleep.

tbc


	16. Chapter 16

Most of you will recognize the next couple of chapters. As I've stated at the beginning, I took some liberties with the episode to fit it into my story. I've also figured out that I won't make such an attempt again. Maybe we could just look at it as a learning experience? ;o)

The following week the crew of Voyager finally detected a Wisanty-ship on the long-range-sensors. They contacted them and after hearing what happened, the Wisanty were happy to take the twins and Mezoti home and an arrangement for a rendezvous was made.

Even though Seven had been reluctant to take responsibility for the four children, they clearly had grown to her as well as to the rest of the crew, and it was a bittersweet time as they all prepared to say good-bye to some of their most precious cargo.

After the experience with Icheb and his family Janeway decided to let Seven ask all the questions she wanted but arranged that Janeway greeted the Wisanty first to explain the situation and asking them for some consideration.

The Wisanty assured Janeway that they would gladly answer all of Seven's questions without taking offence – which they did. And it was a barrage of questions that Seven had, but thankfully they weren't quite as rude as they could have been, but they were still Seven-like.

Eventually even Seven run out of dilithium and straightening her back with an inhale, she glanced at Janeway and gave a brisk nod.

Then the female Wisanty called Bizana stepped forward and looked directly at Seven. "If I understand correctly, due to your time with the Borg, you know about our race and customs?"

"Yes," Seven replied.

Bizana lifted her left hand and touched the tip of her little finger with her thumb, the other three fingers resting atop the thumb. "On behalf of my people, I thank you for the care you-"

"I did-"

Janeway put a hand on Seven's arm. "Just listen"

Seven turned her head to Janeway, who could see the "but" clearly in her eyes.

Janeway squeezed her arm. "Listen", she repeated.

Another curt nod, then Seven faced Bizana again.

"I thank you for the care you have provided for our kin, and in return we promise to do everything in our power to give them a good life."

There was a pause, then Seven lifted her left hand, forming the same gesture as Bizana had done, and replied: "I accept your oath and thank you for it."

 _That went rather well,_ Janeway thought and then suggested to meet the children, who were in the Mess Hall with Neelix.

The twins were even more quiet than usual, but after Bizana told them about the arrangements they had already made to get them back to Wysanti, they started to ask tentative questions.

After a few more minutes Janeway took her leave, returning to the Bridge.

Later that day, Janeway found herself in the Transporter Room, watching as Mezoti stood in front of Icheb.

"You can still come with us," she said.

"And you can still stay on Voyager," he replied.

"Adapting to your absence will be difficult."

Icheb smiled a little. "I'll miss you, too."

Seven, who had been watching the exchange as well, moved behind Mezoti and putting a hand on the girl's shoulder said: "It's time." Seven guided Mezoti to the transporter platform.

"I've been studying all available data relevant to this species, as you recommended," Mezoti stated as she stepped up and turned around to face Seven.

"Familiarising yourself with their culture will help you adapt," Seven replied.

Azan, Rebi and Bizana moved onto the platform as well.

"On Wysanti, it is not customary to say goodbye but… I think I prefer the human way," Mezoti said, put her case down and went to Seven to hug her.

For a heartbeat Seven stood stock-still but she got quickly over her surprise and embraced the girl as well.

Janeway could feel Icheb looking at her, but since she was busy blinking tears away, especially as the twins followed Mezoti's example, Janeway kept her eyes straight forward.

Then Seven returned to stand between Icheb and Janeway, and the captain looked over her shoulder to the Ensign at the controls.

"Energise."

They watched the molecules dissolve and Janeway put a hand on Seven's shoulder, squeezing it softly.

Seven turned to face Janeway, her expression composed, but she didn't say a word.

"Will I see you later?" Janeway asked quietly.

Seven nodded then turned to Icheb. "There are a few things we have to take care off," she said to him and the two of them left the Transporter Room.

Since Janeway was due on the Bridge for another couple of hours, she made her way there.

The only noteworthy thing to happen was a Mutara class nebula appearing on the ship's sensors, but luckily this time their course didn't lead right through it and they were able to stay far enough away.

After her shift, Janeway went to her quarters and got comfortable on the couch, planning on reading while she waited for Seven.

It wasn't Seven, though, who woke Janeway from her slumber, it was the Doctor.

"Sickbay to Captain Janeway."

Sleepily Janeway reached for the Com-Badge on the table beside her. "Yes?"

"Captain, you should come down here."

There was a pause and Janeway sat up.

"It's Seven."

Suddenly, Janeway was wide awake, adrenalin pumping through her system. "What happened?"

It was odd to hear the EMH sigh through the Com since he needed no air. "There is a problem with her cortical node and the implants it is regulating."

"What-"

"Captain," the Doctor interrupted Janeway almost gently. "I'll explain everything once you're down here."

"Understood." Janeway disconnected the Com, grabbed the uniform-jacket and stormed out of her quarters. Her mind was blank except for the echoes of _cortical_ _node_ and _regulating_ _implants_ that reverberated inside her skull and she felt like a sleepwalker.

It seemed to take forever until Janeway was finally in front of Sickbay and she slipped through the doors before they were fully opened. Janeway scanned the room for Seven. The EMH standing beside the main surgical Biobed indicated the way and she quickly went over there.

Janeway could almost feel the blood drain from her head as she got a look at Seven. Her skin had pealed back on several places, revealing dark metal underneath, which created a stark contrast to her even paler than usual complexion.

Janeway came to a halt beside the bed and with a trembling hand reached out for a brief caress. "Damn it," she whispered and closed her eyes. "Please tell me it's not as bad as I fear." Janeway looked to the Doctor.

"I'm afraid, I don't have good news," he replied and then told Janeway about the glitch they had found earlier. Apparently, Seven had come to him because of her malfunctioning ocular implant.

"Why wasn't I told about that?"

"Because Seven asked for the same treatment that every other crewmember received, including patient-doctor-confidentially."

Janeway filed that piece of information away for later and asked the EMH to continue his report.

According to his statement, Neelix had found Seven sitting in the Mess Hall where she had been taking nutritional supplements, due to not being able to regenerate.

Again Janeway wondered why Seven hadn't come to her about this, but she didn't interrupt the Doctor and he finally told Janeway that Seven had collapsed.

 _Damn it!_ , Janeway swore once more, but this time silently.

The EMH proceeded to describe the scans he had done from Seven.

Halfway through his explanation Janeway turned back to look at Seven laying on the bed. _Damaged node; not able to regulate implants; vital implants._ Janeway felt cold terror creeping up inside of her, terror in facing the possible loss of her beloved. But since paralyzing anxiety wouldn't do either of them any good, Janeway chose the only option she had that would let her still be able to function. She hid her terror behind her captain's persona. Janeway could still function while being afraid for the life of a valued member of her crew.

Janeway faced the Doctor. "What are our options? What can we do?"

"We don't have the knowledge," he replied.

"But Seven does."

"She might, but I'm not sure we have the necessary equipment."

Grinding her molars, Janeway gave him a dark look. "I prefer to look closely at possibilities before I negate them right away and so should you."

"Captain, I need you to realise that this is a life-threatening situation."

Janeway leaned forward, right into his personal space – if a hologram had one – and said: "And I need you to realise that I will focus on possibilities to solve this problem. But that doesn't mean I'm ignoring the severity of the situation. I am _very_ aware of it."

The EMH studied Janeway for a moment, then nodded. "Very well."

"Can you revive her?"

Without a word, the Doctor prepared a Hypospray, injected Seven and stepped back.

Janeway took his place and leaning down a little, she watched Seven's lids flutter before they opened. Her gaze focused on Janeway for a moment, then went to the EMH, who stood beside her.

Janeway lightly touched Seven's shoulder. "You lost consciousness in the Mess Hall," Janeway said, getting out of Seven's way as she sat up and moved to the end of the bed.

"Your body's begun to reject your implants," the Doctor said and for a moment Seven looked at Janeway, as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I'm afraid it's a result of that glitch we found in your cortical node. Apparently, it's more serious than we thought." The Doctor moved over to the workstation and displayed the scan of the node.

"The node is destabilising," Seven stated.

"It's no longer able to regulate your implants. They're… shutting down one by one." The tone of his voice showed clearly that he was affected by the situation as well.

"When you've disconnected implants in the past, I've always adapted."

"Minor implants," he said and came back to the Biobed. "An assimilation tubule here, a few nanoprobes there. Nothing crucial to your human physiology. But these implants control your vital functions."

"And without my cortical node to regulate them, I'll die," Seven stated. "Correct?"

The EMH didn't reply and Seven looked from him to Janeway, who swallowed twice around the lump in her throat but couldn't get a word out. Instead Janeway gave a curt nod.

Seven averted her eyes and took a shaky breath, before she looked back at Janeway and the EMH. "Borg-technology is highly adaptive. My cortical node will repair itself in time."

"I don't think so, Seven. If anything, the deterioration is accelerating," the Doctor said. "You'll have to stay here for observation."

"I think I've been sufficiently observed," Seven rebuffed and tried to move off the table.

Janeway grabbed her elbow and with a side-glance at the EMH asked him to excuse them for a moment. Once he was out of earshot, Janeway turned back to Seven.

"Seven…" Janeway's voice trailed off. _Think of her as member of your crew!_ She took a deep breath. "I'm very sorry for what's happening," Janeway said quietly but with intent. "It's terrifying and you have every right to be upset, but that isn't going to help us solve this problem. I need you to work with me here."

"The node will correct itself," Seven repeated stubbornly.

"Suppose it doesn't," Janeway said and as Seven inhaled for a reply, she held up a hand pleadingly. "Just for the sake of argument. Is it possible to replicate a new one?"

"The technology is too complex."

Of course it was. Janeway thought for a moment, then asked: "What if this had happened when you were part of the Collective? How would the Borg have repaired the damage?"

"They wouldn't have. Trying to repair a node would be a futile exercise."

Janeway lowered her head and inhaled deeply. _I need options, damn it!_

"The Borg would simply replace it."

 _Replace it_. Slowly, Janeway looked up again, purpose seeping back into her. "The Yontasa Expanse," Janeway said quietly and met Seven's gaze.

"Captain?"

Janeway squeezed Seven's arms. "I'll get you a new node."

"But-"

"No time, we're already two or three days past the Expanse." Janeway took one of Seven's hands and lifted it to her lips. "You hang in there, you hear me?" After allowing herself that little private gesture, Janeway left and hurried to the Bridge.

tbc


	17. Chapter 17

"Harry, we passed a Borg debris-field two or three days ago, just outside the Yontasa Expanse. See if you can find it on long-range-sensors," Janeway commanded as soon as she was out of the Turbolift and moved over to his workstation.

"Yes, ma'am."

Chakotay got up from his chair and looked up. "It's not every day we go looking for the Borg. What's up?"

"To make it short and simple: Seven needs a new cortical node," Janeway replied, telling him and the rest of the bridge-crew only the fact, while reminding herself to stop grinding her teeth.

"Captain, need I remind you the Borg often return to salvage damaged cubes," Tuvok said.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take," Janeway replied.

"I want to help Seven as much as anyone, but if we're not careful we'll all end up with cortical nodes," Chakotay stated.

Janeway just looked at him for a moment, trying not to think back to the argument that had happened not that long ago right here on the Bridge. "That's why I'm taking the Flyer, alone."

"I've located the debris field," Harry reported.

"Transmit the coordinates to the Flyer. You have the Bridge, Commander." Janeway was only halfway back on her way to the Turbolift when Tom left his post.

"With all due respect. The last time you took the Delta Flyer to confront the Borg, it ended up in a couple of thousand pieces."

Janeway braced herself on the railing. "I intend to bring it back in one piece this time," she assured him with a half-smile, then continued on her way.

"A good pilot might be able to help you do that," Tom suggested to Janeway's back, then Tuvok stepped in front of her. Janeway lowered her head and rubbed her temple.

"Particularly if he's accompanied by an experienced Tactical Officer," Tuvok stated.

"You shouldn't do this by yourself, Captain," Chakotay said.

With a sigh Janeway turned around and since she was actually grateful for their support and for not having to spend only gods knew how many hours on her own with some very dark thoughts in her head, said: "Well then, gentlemen, I guess you're with me."

The three of them left together, went to their quarters to gather some things before they were to meet again in the weapons-locker to get some phaser riffles. From there they made their way to the Shuttle Bay, where Icheb called out to Janeway in one of the corridors.

"I'll meet you in the Shuttle Bay," Janeway said to the two officers and turned to face Icheb.

"Have you talked to Seven?" Icheb wanted to know.

"Just a few minutes ago."

He looked at Janeway expectantly then said: "And you don't approve?"

She gave him a puzzled look. "Of what?"

"My request," he replied.

"Request?" Janeway had no idea what he was talking about.

"I'm sure Seven will discuss it with you when she has the chance. I'm sorry I bothered you."

 _Damn_ _it_. Janeway looked away for a moment "Obviously, no one's told you." She put a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him forward. Time was of the essence here.

"Told me what?" Icheb asked as he started walking.

"Seven isn't… well."

"What's wrong with her?"

How to best tell him? Plain and simple. "Her cortical node is failing."

"Her cortical node? She's going to die," Icheb stated.

Janeway inhaled deeply, suppressing the emotions that tried to well up inside of her. "Not if we find a new node. We're on our way to search a Borg debris field."

"I have experience in Borg technology. Let me come with you."

Janeway stopped and faced him. "I appreciate the offer, but it's too dangerous."

"I'm willing to take the risk," he said.

"I'm not willing to let you. I'll let you know how we did as soon as we're back. Don't worry," Janeway said and in her mind added: _I'll worry enough for the two of us._

Voyager had been traveling approximately at Warp 6 since passing the Yontasa Expanse two and a half days ago. Tom announced that even going as fast as Warp 8.5 they would need twenty six godforsaken long hours. But there was nothing to be done about that.

They took shifts at the helm and Janeway used one of the breaks with Tom to ask him how he was faring.

He took a sip of his drink before he looked at Janeway. "Would you believe me if I said I was fine?"

"You do know that this reply equals saying you feel rotten?"

Tom nodded slowly. "Then it's an understatement."

Janeway sighed. "I'm sorry, Tom."

"So am I," he replied, then to her utter surprise added: "And in about ten years I may be able to tell B'Elanna that she might have a point."

"Oh?" Janeway leaned back in her seat, drinking from her coffee.

"Yeah, surprised myself as well with that one," Tom said. "But after I got over the urge to trash my place, my brain started to function again."

Given the circumstances, Janeway could relate very well to his feelings, but kept silent.

Tom took another sip and then stared off into space. "There were a couple of things that came together, that made suddenly sense. But just as B'Elanna wasn't able to, I can't pinpoint anything specific." He looked back at Janeway. "Have you ever seen her after one of her bouts with Seven?"

"No, I haven't"

"She's bruised and scratched, hardly able to move without wincing, but she's almost bursting with energy."

A smile stole into Janeway's face. "That sounds a lot like Seven after a match with B'Elanna."

Tom gave her a half-smile. "I'd never be able to give her that without losing a limb or two."

With a frown Janeway asked: "Why do you believe you have to be the one to give her exactly that?"

He shook his head. "I know what you're getting at, and it's not that. I'm not saying _this_ is the reason," he said and rubbed his forehead.

"Tom, you don't have to talk with me about this if you don't want to."

"Seriously, Captain?" He looked at Janeway. "Who else would I talk to? Harry? He's a great guy, but no, not about this," he said. "Neelix? He would just try to get us back together. He's such a romantic." He laughed softly. "We on the other hand have a history together – and offspring."

That made Janeway laugh as well. The incident had happened so long ago that they were way past the awkward stage.

"If you don't mind, I'd pick you to talk about B'Elanna."

Janeway reached out and squeezed his arm. "I don't mind at all."

"Thank you," Tom said and took another sip. "There's something else I noticed," he stated. "You know, there are times when B'Elanna is in such a bad mood that even I get out of her way."

Janeway nodded, not even trying to hide her smile.

"I saw her storming into Main Engineering the other day, right up to the work station beside Seven," Tom told Janeway. "At first I honestly thought B'Elanna was out for a fight, and I even thought about interfering. But…" He shook his head. "Did you know that Seven is able to dissolve this hot temper in mere moments?"

"Seven told me about it," Janeway replied. "But it also works the other way around. I've seen B'Elanna calm Seven down in seconds."

Tom leaned back in his chair. "Who would have thought?"

"Not I, to be honest," Janeway admitted with a smile.

"Me neither." Suddenly he leaned forward again, bracing his arms on the table. "Have you ever heard them when they have this – as B'Elanna calls it – battle of wits?"

"I've had the privilege for a couple of minutes", Janeway said dryly.

This time it was Tom who grinned. "I stayed and listen instead of getting the hell out of there." He shook his head. "They're funny as hell, but what's even more interesting is that they are actually bouncing ideas back and forth."

Janeway looked at him in surprise. "They do?"

"Yes, and they feed off of each other," Tom said. "You do that with B'Elanna too, well without the insults of course."

Janeway was even more surprised. "I do?"

Tom gave her a "come on"-look. "Yes, you do. It goes like science here, science there, idea here, idea there – et voilà, we have a solution." His face took on a distasteful expression. "And you do that with Seven, in short-hand. Now that's really disgusting. Like it isn't hard enough to keep up with you guys."

"Excuse me?" Janeway asked with a laugh.

"B'Elanna and Seven use whole sentences, if you can count the insults as a part of the sentences," Tom explained. "B'Elanna and you use whole sentences, but you and Seven seem to require only two words, which nobody understands, except maybe for Tuvok. That's disturbing," he said. "I'm afraid what's going to happen, when the two of you know each other even better, and you do the whole idea-bouncing simply with looks and expect everyone else to know exactly with which brilliant plan you came up with."

"I'll keep that in mind for the future," Janeway said with a laugh and for the moment forgot about the possibility of not having a future with Seven.

"You better," he said, smiling as well. But then his face grew serious again. "So there are things I have noticed about her, about myself and about our relationship. To cut a long story short: she's right. We were good for each other, but she needs someone to have a true rapport with. And that isn't me. And I'm beginning to suspect, it's also the other way around."

Janeway sighed. "You know that she's devastated about having to hurt your feelings."

Tom nodded. "Yeah, that's why I won't wait for ten years to tell her the truth."

"You are a really good guy, just as she kept saying."

Tom looked away. "I think the lunch-break is over."

Taking the hint, Janeway stood. "We should be arriving in a couple of hours. We better get ready."

"I have isolated a section that contains the bodies of approximately thirty seven drones," Tuvok announced.

"Thirty seven doesn't sound approximate to me," Tom said over his shoulder from his place at the helm.

"These drones were killed in an explosion. There are only a few left intact."

Janeway studied the readout on her display. "Looks like there's still a breathable atmosphere inside. Any sign of active Borg ships in the vicinity?"

"Nothing on sensors," Tom replied.

"That could change in a hurry," Janeway said and got up. "Run continuous scans."

"Yes, ma'am."

Tuvok and Janeway went aft and prepared themselves. They each took a rifle which Janeway carried on a strap around her shoulder, a flashlight and of course they each had a tricorder. Additionally, Janeway took the med kit as well. While they got into position and waited for the transport, Janeway recalled the quick instructions she had received from the EMH via a transmission.

Then Janeway found herself once more aboard a Borg-cube, even though this one wasn't in the pristine order like the others had been. But it was even more sinister with green lights blinking here and there, steam hissing out through ruptured pipes and tubes, and debris was littering the floor.

Janeway and Tuvok went along a corridor and halfway down, she detected a foot underneath some rubble. Despite the fact that her especially calibrated tricorder had given off no proximity-warning, Janeway bent down to look for the rest of the drone. There was none and she straightened up, rolling her eyes about herself.

Moving forward again, Janeway swept the tricorder from side to side, scanning the vicinity.

Finally the instrument found a target and Janeway went over to a large piece of wall-covering that had fallen down and apparently buried a drone underneath it.

"Tuvok," Janeway called softly over a shoulder. "Help me get this off him."

Janeway waited for him and together they moved the metal off to the side.

Kneeling down beside the Borg, Janeway took another set of readings. "No apparent damage to the cortical node," she said, took the med kit from her shoulder and opened it.

Janeway was focusing so much on getting the node for Seven, that there was no hesitation as she grabbed the laser-scalpel and used it to cut through the skin above the right eye to uncover the socket with the node in it. After swapping tools, Janeway pressed a tiny button, which made the node slide up halfway. She took the tweezers and carefully removed the cortical node to place it in the med kit.

"Captain, you've got company. There's a ship-" Tom's voice cut out.

Tuvok hit his Com-Badge. "Two to beam out."

Janeway repeated the gesture. "Delta Flyer, respond!"

Then Tuvok, who had taken out his tricorder announced unpleasant news: "Three humanoids have just transported aboard this vessel."

"Drones?"

Three figures emerged around a corner.

"The only drones here are dead, and they belong to us. Who are you?" The alien in front of the threesome wanted to know.

"Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Starship Voyager," Janeway replied, slowly moving her fingers over the laser-scalpel.

"This is my debris field, _Captain_."

"We weren't aware of that."

"What have you taken?" The leader of the group asked and moved towards Janeway.

Janeway closed her fingers around the scalpel and stood up. "A cortical node. We need it to save one of my crew."

"Everything here belongs to us." He bent down, grasping for the med kit.

 _Oh, no you won't!_ Janeway reached around his neck, pressing the scalpel to his throat. "Put down your weapons and I'll consider not activating this laser scalpel."

Apparently he didn't feel threatened by Janeway at all, because he threw his head back and as she moved her own head in reflex, he pushed her backwards with more strength than she had anticipated.

Tuvok got him and a second alien with the rifle, then Janeway lost sight of him as she dove for her own gear. Just as she closed her fingers around the rifle, a heavy boot pressed her hand down.

Janeway looked up, straight into the barrel of a phaser. _That can't be it,_ she thought, _I need to get this node to Voyager. I need to get back to Seven._ Then Janeway was beamed out, just as the alien pulled the trigger.

Janeway inhaled with relief as she found herself laying on the floor in the Delta Flyer, the rifle and med-kit underneath her hand. But her relief turned to concern as she noticed the phaser-burns on Tuvok's uniform.

"How bad is it?" Janeway asked, as she got up and went to him.

"Not too bad," Tuvok replied. "It can wait. Lieutenant Paris will need our assistance first."

As if to underline his words, the Delta Flyer shook, presumably under enemy-fire.

Tuvok took a staggering step towards the door.

"Right," Janeway said, dove underneath his arm to help him to the cockpit.

"Sorry about the delay. They knocked our transporters offline," Tom greeted the two over his shoulder.

The shuttle shuddered again and Tuvok rather fell than sat into the next best seat.

"I need you at tactical," Tom said, ducking as sparks shot out from a relay beside him. "When I bring us around, target their engine core."

Janeway looked up in surprise, then moved to the station. "Aye, sir," she replied dryly, sat down and charged the weapons.

Tom threw the Delta Flyer into a loop, positioning the shuttle behind the alien's ship.

Janeway did not blink as she waited until they were aligned, then fired. The third and fourth shot hit the mark.

"Nice shot," Tom commented and glanced over his shoulder.

Janeway just raised an eyebrow, then went back to Tuvok.

"They're breaking pursuit," Tom announced.

"Then let's get back to Voyager."

tbc

AN: Since I have no idea on how to calculate the distances and time they need to travel (and that was something I had no desire to research as many other things), I just took something that seemed like _godforsaken_ long


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I hope you'll be able to forgive me – sooner or later.

Janeway, Tuvok and Tom got back earlier than they had expected, because Voyager met them halfway.

As soon as they were in communication range, Chakotay told Janeway with a twinkle in his eyes that there was no harm in making it easier on the away-team, as long as Voyager stayed out of trouble.

Janeway thanked him for his help and had him patch her through to the Doctor – who asked Tom and her to meet him in Holodeck 1 as soon as they arrived, to run a simulation on the proceedings of exchanging Seven's cortical node.

The Delta Flyer hadn't really settled in the Shuttle Bay, as Tuvok sent Tom and Janeway on their way and Janeway didn't hesitate to leave the rest to him.

It was tempting to have a quick visit with Seven, but considering the haste with which the EMH wanted to proceed, Janeway didn't dare and instead walked even faster. It could only mean that Seven's condition had worsened. Tom didn't say a word and just matched her steps.

Walking into the holodeck was a bit unsettling, because it looked exactly like Sickbay, including the holo-image of Seven laying unconscious on a Biobed. Did she look even paler than the last time Janeway had seen her? _Keep it together, Kathryn._

The EMH greeted the two and after confirming Janeway's fear about Seven's state, explained what they were about to try and what each of them had to do.

Then they ran one simulation after the other, trying this, changing that. But each simulation had the same result: Seven's death.

After another unsuccessful one the Doctor removed the node. "Computer, end simulation."

Suddenly they all stood in the empty holodeck.

Janeway walked up to the EMH. "Why did you stop?" Her voice was sharp.

"It wasn't working."

"Run it again."

"Captain, this was our twelfth simulation. Something tells me thirteen won't be our lucky number," Tom interjected.

"The salvaged node has been inactive too long," the EMH said.

"Then we'll find one that hasn't." Janeway turned on her heels and marched out, intending to find something more suitable.

The Doctor walked right behind Janeway. "No matter how many debris fields we sift through, a node from a dead drone isn't going to work."

"Who said anything about a dead drone?" Janeway didn't even look at the Doctor as she hurried through the corridor.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"We've infiltrated Borg vessels before," Janeway said. "If that's what it's going to take to save Seven, we'll do it again."

"Are you suggesting ending one life to save another?"

"I'm not giving up on her!"

The Doctor put a hand on Janeway's shoulder and pulled her to a stop. "Neither am I!" He barked.

Janeway stared up at him in stunned silence.

"I'll do everything in my power to help her, but we both have to face the possibility that it may not be enough."

 _Gods no!_ Janeway turned her head away and covered her eyes with one hand. Grinding her teeth, she repeated silently to herself, that she had to keep it together. Pictures of Seven dying on the Biobed flashed through her mind. _It was a holo-image of her, not Seven herself. You have to stay strong, or otherwise you'll not be able to help her!_

"Do you need a minute, Captain?"

Janeway took a deep breath, then shook her head. She had to consciously unlock her jaws before she could talk, though. "She's probably already wondering why we needed so long," Janeway said, her voice raw with emotions.

In silence, Janeway and the Doctor walked to Sickbay.

Seven and Neelix sat together as they came in, a game of kadis-kot in front of them, but they both stood up and Neelix left quickly after excusing himself.

"Are you ready to proceed?" Seven asked, looking back and forth between Janeway and the EMH.

"According to the simulations, the salvaged node isn't going to work," the Doctor said. "I'm still researching alternative treatments."

"Harry and B'Elanna are going to try to repair the faulty node using components from your alcove," Janeway added.

Seven looked away. "They will fail." She turned around and walked to the Biobed, putting her hands onto the workstation.

Janeway moved closer to Seven. "We're not giving up hope. Neither should you," she said softly.

"With your permission I would like to return to my duties."

"That's not possible," the Doctor said. "I need to monitor your condition."

"Captain?"

The pleading look in Seven's eyes almost broke Janeway's heart. "I'm afraid I have to defer to the Doctor."

"If you'd like, I can ask Icheb to bring some of your work here," the EMH suggested.

There was a moment pause, then Seven straightened and gave a curt nod in the Doctor's direction.

"I'll see to it." With that the EMH left for his office.

Seven turned to Janeway, taking on her usual – and rather official - stance. "There is something I would like to discuss with you, it concerns Icheb."

"Alright," Janeway said. "I'm listening."

Seven told Janeway about Icheb's plan to take the entrance exam for the Starfleet Academy and that he'd like to forward it in the next transmission to Earth.

Janeway gladly agreed to write a letter of recommendation for him.

"He will be pleased," Seven replied. "There is another subject I wish to discuss, pertaining our personal relationship."

Even though Seven used the phrase _personal_ , neither her voice, her eyes or her body-language changed to something more familiar.

"Alright," Janeway repeated slowly, wondering where this was going.

"I am realising that I am damaged beyond repair-"

"You don't know that!"

"Captain," Seven said, "hope in this case is futile."

"I'm not willing to accept that," Janeway replied through gritted teeth and for just a moment she saw some emotions in Seven's eyes, or at least she thought so. Then Seven blinked and it was gone, if it had ever been there.

"I will cease to exist. I am finally accepting reality and so should you. There is no need to continue this relationship."

It felt like Seven had punched Janeway right in the solar plexus and she gasped for air. Shaking her head, Janeway stared at Seven. "No need to… I don't understand," Janeway said, her voice shaky, and she took a tentative step forward. "Seven, I'm scared enough as it is. You don't mean that you want to end our relationship, do you?"

"That is precisely what I mean."

Seven's expression was cool and aloof, something Janeway hadn't seen directed at herself for quite a while.

Janeway turned her head away. This couldn't be true, this couldn't be happening. Her eyes burned as she looked up again. "Why?"

"With your permission, I would like to be alone now, Captain." Seven turned her back to Janeway.

A single tear slid down Janeway's cheek. "Why, Seven?"

"Why is irrelevant, the fact remains the same."

Janeway shook her head. "You've never held back your opinion," she whispered. "Why now of all times? I don't understand."

For a heartbeat there was silence, then Seven said: "Please, Captain, I need to be alone now."

Like it had done so many times before, the fact that Seven was pleading for something, affected Janeway. Lowering her head, Janeway swallowed around the lump in her throat but she still almost chocked on her next words: "As you wish." With a last look at Seven's stiff back, Janeway turned around and hurried out of the room.

Janeway had no recollection of the way between Sickbay and her quarters, but she ended somehow there and fell heavily into a chair.

Lost.

Janeway had lost her. She had been terrified of losing Seven, but she had not expected it in this manner.

A tear dripped onto Janeway's hand.

She hadn't expected it and she couldn't fathom why Seven had ended their relationship.

 _Why is irrelevant, the fact remains the same._ Seven's words echoed in Janeway's mind.

Janeway took a deep breath and asked the computer to log her as unavailable for the next couple of hours. Another tear fell onto her hand, quickly followed by several more.

 _There is no need to continue this relationship._

Janeway shook her head slowly, as if that would sort out the puzzle, she couldn't grasp. Did Seven see no need to continue, because she believed she would die and then it would end in any case?

 _Why is irrelevant._

"No, it isn't, damn it!" Janeway said, her voice breaking.

 _The fact remains the same._

Janeway pressed her hands to her eyes, trying to keep even more tears from falling.

 _Captain, hope in this case is futile._

"Oh Seven," Janeway whispered and began to cry in earnest, heavy sobs shaking her body.

Janeway cried the tears of fear over Seven's possible death that she had held back in the last couple of days and tears of frustration because Janeway wasn't able to help her; there were tears of sorrow and anguish about the sudden end of their relationship; and Janeway cried tears of anger, anger at Seven because she had shut her out without an explanation, and anger at the world in general for throwing something like this in their path – or rather in Seven's and Janeway's path, there no longer was a _theirs_ , a thought that caused a new onset of tears.

Janeway had been crying for hours, curled up in the chair, and she must have dozed off at one point. She woke around midnight, but of course there was no sleep in sight as she crawled into bed after a shower. Janeway tossed and turned and after another hour simply gave up.

Reading didn't work either, and after the fifth time she couldn't remember what she had read two lines previous, Janeway gave that up as well.

She got out of bed and put on a new uniform, preparing to do what she had done during many of her sleepless nights. At least on the nights before Seven and she-

 _No!_ Janeway thought. _Don't go there!_

Janeway finished dressing and left her quarters, letting her feet take her wherever they wanted – except for three locations: Cargo Bay 2, Astrometrics and Sickbay.

Janeway ventured through quiet corridors, paid a visit to the Airponics Bay, fleetingly wondering how the plant with the symbiotic friend had looked like, before she left again to walk some more corridors on another deck.

Janeway criss-crossed the whole ship and then came up to Main Engineering. The heart of Voyager. She loved this place with the hum and vibration from the Warp-Core. She especially liked it at night without the hassle of crewmembers crawling all over the place.

Janeway moved in front of the doors, which swished open and then stepped inside, her ears pricked for the low hum of the engine. As she came closer, her eyes followed the swirling blue lights upwards – and she froze.

On the upper level stood Seven at a workstation with her back to the doors. Janeway's heart leaped into her throat.

"Captain," Seven said without turning to Janeway. "If you have come to admonish me, I am here with the Doctor's permission."

"I haven't," Janeway replied, not lifting her voice. She knew Seven could hear her clearly. "I didn't even know you were here."

Seven's head swivelled sideways, as if she intended to look over her shoulder, but she didn't finish the move.

 _Why wouldn't she look at me?_

"Then you are not able to sleep."

Since it wasn't a question but a statement, Janeway didn't answer and instead said: "I'll leave you to it." She turned around and started back towards the door.

"Captain?"

Janeway stopped. "Yes, Seven?" The familiarity of this exchange, short as it was, almost chocked her.

"I am sorry for causing you this… pain."

Janeway closed her eyes. "I know that," she replied, her voice once more raw with emotions. Janeway looked over her shoulder. Seven had turned around and looked down, but since she was standing in front of the light, Janeway couldn't discern her expression. "I know that," Janeway repeated. "I just wish I knew why." With that Janeway left and headed straight back to her quarters. All the equilibrium, albeit superficial, she had gained through her wanderings was gone.

Most of the remaining night, Janeway stood in front of the window, staring out into space and trying to keep her mind as blank as possible. Once in a while, however, she had to wipe away a tear.

tbc


	19. Chapter 19

AN: It came to my attention that folks might be waiting for the "real" BDSM to start. I'm sorry if I didn't get it across in the summary but BDSM isn't going to be a main plot in this first part of the series.

On the up-side: I nearly forgot a whole chapter, so there are actually 22 altogether :o)

The next morning, on her way to begin her duty shift on the Bridge, Janeway met Chakotay in the Turbolift. He asked her if she wouldn't like to take some time off so she could spent it with Seven. Janeway murmured something about Seven needing to rest and fled into her Ready Room as soon as possible.

There she forced herself to work on some reports, even if it meant she had to read each word out loud just to keep her mind from wandering.

Janeway drank plenty of coffee but couldn't really remember when she had eaten the last meal, so she nibbled on half a piece toast, but pushed the plate with the rest to the side. Instead she took a new report, then the next and another.

Every now and then Janeway took a fresh cup of coffee to the window and stared out.

 _Out, you're out of her life._

Janeway shook her head, as if that would help to keep thoughts of Seven away. The time for emotions had been last night. Now Janeway needed a clear head. That, however, was a futile exercise. The best she managed was some kind of numbness and a phony one at that.

Because underneath her own personal pain, there was still the worry about Seven's health. Surely, it was good sign that the Doctor hadn't contacted her so far, or at least it wasn't bad.

 _As if it wasn't bad enough._

That Janeway hadn't heard from B'Elanna on the other hand, could only mean that they hadn't made any progress. And that was bad.

With a sigh Janeway reached for another PADD, but there was only empty air were the stack had been. She frowned and looked to the pile of supposedly finished reports, from which she couldn't remember a single one.

When had she done them all? Janeway checked the time and blinked in surprise. How could it be almost midnight again? Then she realized that she hadn't been disturbed once. Nobody had been in here to deliver a new report or came with one or the other request. Nobody had contacted her at all.

Janeway sat back. Even without any disturbance, she should have been able to keep track of what she was doing. Maybe it was time for a break. Too bad she didn't feel sleepy, tired yes, but not sleepy, and she decided to take another nightly stroll through the ship first and then head to bed.

Janeway was only a couple of steps away from Sickbay, when she realised where she was going and stopped in the middle of the corridor.

 _This is just plain stupid, Kathryn!_ Janeway thought, and hurriedly went past the doors – which of course happened to open just then. Janeway quickened her steps.

"Captain?" B'Elanna called after her.

Janeway sighed and stopped, looking over her shoulder at B'Elanna, who came up beside her.

Her puzzled gaze shifted from Janeway to Sickbay and back. "I've been in there for hours…" B'Elanna narrowed her eyes, scrutinizing Janeway closely. "How come I haven't seen you in there?"

"Because…" Janeway really tried to come up with something else beside the fact, but she hadn't the strength to think of something. So she went with the truth. "Because Seven ended our relationship."

"What?" B'Elanna looked at Janeway as if she didn't believe her.

Janeway knew exactly how she felt.

"She didn't… did she?"

Janeway gave a curt nod.

The expression on B'Elanna's face went from incredulous to disgruntled and she pivoted on her heels, growling under her breath.

Janeway quickly grabbed her arm. The last thing Janeway needed right now was being the reason for a fight between Seven and her best friend. "B'Elanna, before you go on a rampage on my behalf…" Janeway sighed. "I don't like her decision, nevertheless it's her own and I have to respect that. And so do you."

"But it doesn't make any sense!"

"No, it doesn't," Janeway agreed.

 _The fact remains the same._

Janeway's eyes filled with tears and she blinked. "I need to go," she whispered.

All the anger seemed to drain out of B'Elanna and she put a hand on Janeway's shoulder. "Ca- Kathryn, you've been there for me so often," she said softly. "Please let me return the favour."

Janeway's defences started to crumble and she nodded once.

"I'll get you out of here," B'Elanna said. "Computer, initialize site-to-site transport to my quarters for the Captain and myself."

B'Elanna looked at Janeway, who knew she should protest about the waste of energy, but frankly, she didn't care as long as she got away. Janeway nodded again and B'Elanna stated her clearance-code.

Their molecules assembled in B'Elanna's quarters and she led Janeway to the couch, where she made her sit down, before taking a seat herself, just like Janeway had done with her last week.

"B'Elanna, I need you to do me a favour," Janeway said and turned her head to B'Elanna.

"What is it?"

Janeway took one of B'Elanna's hands between both of her own, then locked eyes with her. "You're her best friend and I need you to stay that," Janeway started and once more her eyes began to burn. "Worst case scenario has her die and I-" she blinked rapidly but that didn't stop the tears. "And I don't want her to be alone, B'Elanna. Please don't…" Janeway choked out a laugh. "Please don't bug her about me."

The tone that came from B'Elanna as she lowered her head sounded like a mixture of a laugh and a sob. As she looked up again, her eyes were swimming in tears. "You have my word that I won't leave her alone, and I won't bother her about you."

Janeway squeezed her hand. "Thank you," she whispered, then wiped at her cheeks with one hand. "Sorry, about that."

B'Elanna reached across Janeway to a side table and put a box of tissues between them, taking one for herself. "If I as a Klingon allow myself to cry, so can a mere human."

Janeway let go of B'Elanna's hand with a snort, then took a tissue as well.

"You want to talk about what happened?" B'Elanna asked.

Inhaling deeply, Janeway shrugged. "There isn't that much to tell," she said and then told B'Elanna about the conversation in Sickbay and the accidental meeting in Engineering.

Once Janeway had finished, B'Elanna shook her head. "I don't get why she won't give you a reason. That's so unlike Seven."

"My thoughts exactly," Janeway replied. "She won't even look at me."

"Something isn't right here."

Janeway raised an eyebrow. "You promised!"

"I won't pester her in the situation she's in. I gave you my word," B'Elanna said. "But I get the feeling that this is some kind of weird Seven-reasoning which for her is all logical, but everyone else is at a total loss." She shook her head then looked at Janeway quizzically.

"What?" Janeway asked after a moment.

"Before I knew about the break-up, I thought Seven was miserable because of her condition. But I don't think that's true," she said quietly.

Janeway's heart ached at the thought of Seven being miserable and she leaned forward, braced her elbows on her knees and rubbed her forehead with both hands.

B'Elanna laid a hand on Janeway's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn."

Blinded by her watering eyes, Janeway searched for B'Elanna's other hand and grabbed it tightly as she found it.

Amidst all the emotional chaos Janeway seemed to be finally able to accept the truth, which Tuvok had told her about only a couple of weeks ago: Janeway didn't do well on her own. Even less so since Seven had forcefully broken her of this habit.

And since B'Elanna wasn't just any random person, but had become a close friend, Janeway turned her tear-streaked face to her. "It hurts… it just hurts."

B'Elanna wrapped her arm around Janeway and put her head beside hers. "I know."

It was nothing like the break-down from the night before. Janeway leaned into B'Elanna's embrace, allowed herself to be comforted and soaked the physical warmth and the compassion B'Elanna offered up like a sponge. And even though the situation had not changed at all, Janeway did feel a little better afterwards – and _very_ tired. So tired that she almost fell asleep as she was.

B'Elanna insisted that Janeway should sleep here on the couch instead of going to her quarters. "You'd be wide awake by the time you get there," B'Elanna said. "And you do need to get some sleep."

She had a point.

"Just a quick nap," Janeway agreed.

B'Elanna said nothing, simply went to get Janeway a pillow and a blanket.

Janeway took off her uniform jacket, the turtleneck and slipped out of her shoes while B'Elanna disappeared into the bathroom. Then Janeway stretched out on the couch. She never heard B'Elanna come back out of the bathroom, because she was fast asleep by then.

Feeling much better after five hours of sleep, Janeway had a quick breakfast with B'Elanna and then went to her quarters for a shower and a change of clothes.

She had just arrived in her Ready Room when the Doctor contacted her.

"Would you please bring Seven and meet Icheb and me in the Briefing Room?"

Something in his voice made Janeway perk up. "What is it?"

"Let's just say that I have hope again."

"Doctor, that's like music in my ears," Janeway said, a smile spreading across her face. "I'm on my way. Janeway out." She took a deep breath. Hope, not a solution, she reminded herself before she activated her Com-Badge. "Janeway to Seven of Nine."

Twenty one, twenty two, twenty-

"Captain?"

Did Janeway only imagine it or did Seven sound less cool, calm and collected as usual? _Remember why you called her?_ Janeway cleared her throat. "The Doctor wants to meet us… in the Briefing Room." Even if they weren't a couple anymore, the use of _us_ was appropriate, wasn't it? "I'm already in my Ready Room, so we'll meet you there shortly."

"Yes, Captain."

Janeway left the room, informed Chakotay where she'd be and then crossed the Bridge.

The EMH and Icheb stood beside the big display, which was usually used for staff meetings.

"Captain," the EMH greeted Janeway with a smile. "Icheb might have come up with a plan that could save Seven's life."

Janeway's gaze shifted to Icheb. "I'm all ears."

They explained that due to the fact that Icheb had emerged from the maturating chamber before he had been fully assimilated, his physiology was less dependent on his implants. Adding the factor of his youth, they estimated that it would be easier for him to adapt to the loss of the cortical node, if they applied some form of genetic re-sequencing.

Seven, who had come in during the explanation, listened silently.

"So if I understand correctly, it would be a complicated procedure," Janeway said, her mind spinning with the possibility of Seven's survival. Even more so since she seemed weaker than the last time Janeway had seen her.

"No doubt."

"But you believe it'll work?" Janeway asked.

"There are significant risks involved to Seven and Icheb," the EMH said, glancing at both of them before looking back at Janeway. "But if you're asking me if it's possible, I'd have to say yes."

"What sort of precautions-"

"No matter how many precautions you take," Seven interrupted Janeway, her eyes fixed on the EMH. "It's not worth the risk to Icheb."

"Seven, this could work," Icheb said.

She turned her head to him. "I am not willing to extend my life at the cost of yours."

Of course Seven wouldn't. Janeway exchanged a look with the Doctor.

"You haven't reviewed all the data," Icheb stated.

"As long as there is any chance you won't survive, the data is irrelevant." Seven looked from Icheb to the EMH. "I would like to return to Sickbay now."

"As you wish," the Doctor replied, his expression resigned, as he followed Seven to the door.

Janeway watched them leave, her hope dwindling with every step they took.

"You're the captain. You could order her to do it," Icheb said.

Janeway looked at him. "No, I couldn't and I wouldn't. I have to respect her wishes."

"Even if it kills her?"

"Believe me Icheb, I want to help her just as much as you do," she said.

"If that were true, you wouldn't let her die." He turned on his heels and marched out.

Janeway closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. "What choice do I have?" She asked the empty room.

Not half an hour later, Janeway was asked by Icheb to please report to Cargo Bay 2 immediately.

Wondering what he was up to now, she made her way down there.

"You were summoned, too?"

Janeway looked over her shoulder at the EMH. "Icheb doesn't seem to have grasped the chain of command yet."

"Remind you of anyone we know?" The Doctor asked with a smile.

Janeway laughed softly. "Indeed it does."

They stepped in front of the doors and waited for them to open. Janeway's smile disappeared as she saw Icheb clinging to the side-panels of his alcove. An alarm-claxon was ringing.

"Icheb?" Janeway hurried towards him, while the Doctor went to the console.

"He's disengaged his cortical node!"

Janeway looked over to the EMH. "How?"

But it was Icheb who answered. "My alcove. I programmed it to disconnect my neural relays." His face was covered in sweat.

"Doctor, can you reconnect them?"

"He's locked me out of the controls."

"How could you do this?" Janeway wanted to know.

"It was the only way I could prove to you that it would work."

Janeway shook her head. "It's not me you need to prove anything to, Icheb."

"We need to get him to Sickbay immediately!" The EMH joined Janeway and Icheb and initiated a site-to-site transport.

Once in Sickbay, the EMH and Janeway led Icheb to a Biobed.

Seven sat up. "What's wrong with him?"

"Icheb decided to perform a little operation on himself," Janeway said.

"You have to reconnect his node immediately," Seven demanded, slowly moving over to the workstation, and Janeway was shocked to see that she needed to lean on it to keep upright.

"I intend to," the Doctor replied to Seven's request.

"No!" Icheb freed himself and on unsure legs went to Seven, leaning onto the other side of the workstation. "If Seven can refuse treatment, so can I."

The EMH followed Icheb and took readings from him with his medical tricorder. "We don't have time for this."

"Check your scans. You'll see I'm already adapting," Icheb said.

"Some of your implants have adapted, but not all."

"Then apply the re-sequencing technique I researched," Icheb urged, clinging to the workstation.

"This debate is pointless," Seven stated and looked at the EMH. "I will not accept the node."

"And I won't keep it!"

"Someone had better use the damn thing!" The Doctor went over to a shelf and prepared a Hypospray. "If it stays disconnected much longer it won't do either of you any good."

"You are acting like a child."

Janeway gaze went back to Seven, who looked contemptuously at Icheb.

"I'm trying to save your life," he argued.

"Only because you have grown too dependent on me."

Janeway narrowed her eyes. Did Seven really believe that?

"You think I need to learn to rely on other people?" Icheb asked Seven.

"Yes!"

"What about you? You've refused to rely on a single member of this crew. You hid your condition from the rest of us, you deactivated the Doctor, and now you're rejecting my help. You're the one who needs to rely on others."

And for the first time since the break-up, Seven looked at Janeway, really looked at her.

"Isn't that what people on this ship do?" Icheb asked Janeway. "They help each other?"

"Whenever we can," Janeway replied and slowly walked over to them.

"If the Captain were dying, you'd risk your life to save her, wouldn't you?"

Seven's gaze moved from Icheb to Janeway, who knew the answer to this question was a yes, even though Seven didn't say a word.

"And when you react to a distress call, you're risking the life of everyone on this ship to respond to the aid of strangers," Icheb directed at Janeway.

"He's right," Janeway agreed.

"Captain, you cannot allow him to proceed."

"Icheb asked me in the Briefing Room to order you to go through the procedure. I refused and told him that I respect your wishes. I might not like them, but I respect them," Janeway said quietly, noticing very well that this didn't only apply to the situation at hand. "What makes you believe that I wouldn't grant him the same respect? Especially since I would do the same thing if I could."

"He is just a child," Seven exclaimed.

"I don't think he is, not anymore," Janeway said softly.

Seven turned to the EMH. "Doctor!"

"Don't look at me," he replied.

Seven lowered her head. "My existence would be worthless if he were to die because of me," she said quietly and looked beseechingly up at Janeway.

Janeway put a hand on Icheb's shoulder. "Ask him, how he would feel if he would let you die without having a chance to help you."

Seven looked from Janeway to Icheb.

"Please, just let us help you," he pleaded.

For a long moment, Seven just looked at Icheb, then she gave a small nod.

Janeway almost sagged with relief, and with a covert move steadied herself against the workstation. As she looked up again, Seven's eyes were on her.

"We will need to start immediately," the EMH declared. "Captain, would you please ask Mr. Paris that we'll need him here ASAP?"

"Of course," Janeway replied, but hung onto Seven's gaze a moment longer, before she finally looked away and moved over to the Doctor. "Do you see a problem in B'Elanna assisting you with the transfer instead of me?"

"Certainly not, she's an engineer after all," he replied. "Do I dare ask why you would let her take your place?"

"Let's just say, I know when to take a back-seat."

His look told Janeway that she had already said plenty.

Janeway went into the Doctor's office and contacted Tom, asking him first if he would have a problem working with B'Elanna and as he mentioned being a professional, she told him to get there as fast as possible.

After disconnecting with him, Janeway called B'Elanna.

"Torres here."

"B'Elanna, get down to Sickbay fast. We need your expertise."

"Something wrong with the Doctor?"

"No, but you have to assist the Doctor with the transfer of Seven's cortical functions to the computer, while he takes care of the node," Janeway explained. "Get moving!"

"I am moving!"

"Good, oh and B'Elanna?"

"Yes?"

"You do realise who else will be assisting?"

"Tom of course," B'Elanna replied. "Where did we get the node from?"

"Icheb. I'll explain the rest later. We're under some time pressure here."

"I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

As Janeway stepped out of the office, she noticed that the EMH had already been busy. There were now two Biobeds in the main surgical area, and they were already occupied by Seven and Icheb, their heads close to each other.

"Do I still have a moment to talk with them?" Janeway wanted to know from the Doctor.

"But only a minute."

She nodded her thanks and moved first to Icheb. Smiling down to him, Janeway put a hand on his shoulder and softly squeezed it. "Whatever happens… I can't tell you how much it means to me what you're doing."

The door to Sickbay opened and B'Elanna stormed in.

"Good luck!" Janeway said to Icheb.

"Thank you, Captain."

She squeezed his shoulder again and then moved around to the other Biobed. Seven followed Janeway with her eyes until she stood beside her.

There were plenty of things Janeway wanted to say, like that she loved Seven, that she just wanted her to be alive, that she wanted her to be happy – even if that meant being happy without her.

"Captain?"

"Yes, Seven?"

Seven inhaled deeply. "I-"

"We need to get started now, Captain," the EMH announced. "Please step back."

"I'll see you later," Janeway said to Seven and backed off a couple of steps, once more not willing to break the eye-contact. What if this was the last time she'd see Seven alive? _It won't, she'll be fine._

A hand fell onto Janeway's shoulder just as she forced herself to pivot on her heels. B'Elanna stood before her and Janeway stepped to the side, moving over to the workstation, B'Elanna would be working on. From there Janeway had the perfect view straight onto the upper part of Seven's Biobed, from where she was being watched by Seven.

"You still owe me a re-match," B'Elanna said, clearly directed at Seven, who acknowledged her words with a look. "And we still need to discuss this project of yours, Icheb. So I expect the two of you to make a full recovery."

"We will, Lieutenant," Icheb answered.

"Computer, initiate sterilisation-sequence beta 4," the EMH instructed. "And seal the doors for the duration of the operation."

B'Elanna came up beside Janeway, while the Doctor went to the surgical area with a Hypospray in hand.

 _Get well_ , Janeway thought at Seven, still returning her look, as the Doctor injected Icheb.

Then he moved into Janeway's line of sight and she lowered her head with a heavy sigh. _That's it, no more blue eyes until the procedure was done. Now I'll have to wait and hope._

"Captain?"

Janeway looked at B'Elanna, who just gestured with her head towards the surgical area. Following her gaze, Janeway saw that the EMH had moved to the other side of Seven's bed. And Seven was once more looking at her. _Why wasn't she unconscious?_ Then the Doctor put the Hypospray against Seven's neck. Janeway watched as Seven's eyelids began to flutter, then they opened again.

"Please, Seven, stop fighting and go to sleep." Janeway gave her a small smile.

There was a tiny nod, then Seven relaxed and her lids closed.

Janeway felt B'Elanna's eyes on her.

"I think she's over the not wanting to look at you part," B'Elanna said.

Janeway shook her head. "I just hope it wasn't the last time she did," she admitted quietly.

"It won't." B'Elanna touched Janeway's shoulder then turned to her place at the workstation to activate it. "All systems are ready, Doctor."

With that they started the meticulous process of the node transfer.

Janeway's gaze swept back and forth between the display with the vital-functions of their two patients and Seven's head, which was turned towards them to give the EMH easier access.

Since Icheb had already begun to adapt to being without the node, it had been decided to transfer it first to Seven before beginning the genetic re-sequencing on him.

Janeway held her breath as the Doctor ordered B'Elanna to transfer Seven's cortical functions to the computer.

"Done," she replied.

"Disengaging the defected node."

"Vital functions are stable," B'Elanna announced.

Worriedly, Janeway watched as the EMH took out the sickly blinking node and placed it beside him on the table.

"Realigning the primary neurodes," the Doctor stated.

"Fifteen seconds until her neural relays will destabilise," B'Elanna stated.

"I'm almost done," the Doctor said, then swapped the tool with the glowing node, Tom was holding out for him and inserted it into the slot above Seven's eye. Switching tools again, he pressed the tiny button and the node sunk into its place. "Transfer her cortical functions back to her node."

B'Elanna tapped quickly onto her touchscreen. "Done."

Nobody moved as they waited for a few seconds to see if anything would happen. But unlike in the simulation there was no seizure.

"Vital signs are stable," B'Elanna said.

The EMH ran his scanner over Seven's body, before he looked up with a smile. "Her implants are adapting to the new node."

Closing her eyes, Janeway took a couple of deep breaths.

"I will begin the genetic re-sequencing now."

Janeway opened her eyes again, took a last look at Seven, before she paid attention to what was happening with Icheb. Not that there was much to see as it was an internal process, but she looked over B'Elanna's shoulder to the other display.

"If it were anyone but you breathing down my neck…"

"But it isn't," Janeway said, a soft smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Being the captain does have its advantages."

B'Elanna snorted. "You honestly believe I'd hesitate to tell the captain to give me some space to work?"

Janeway returned B'Elanna's sideway-glance. "You wouldn't," she conceded.

"That's right," B'Elanna said. "But I don't mind having a friend in my personal space, especially in a situation like this."

Janeway squeezed B'Elanna's shoulder. "Thank you."

For the next half hour they watched as the program ran its course. Twice during this time, Icheb's vital signs dropped critically, but both times the EMH and Tom were able to stabilise him again.

And while Janeway encouraged him in her mind, B'Elanna actually murmured for him to hang on.

Finally, an hour after the re-sequencing was done, the EMH turned around. "The next twenty four hours will be critical for both of them and I'll have them monitored constantly," he said. "Seven will be moved to her alcove then, where she'll be monitored for another twenty four hours and if all is well, she'll regenerate for a week." He looked down to Icheb. "This young man will stay with me for at least two weeks for observation."

Janeway nodded. "Thank you, Doctor."

"Don't thank me, he's the one earning the credits."

"He will," Janeway replied with a smile.

tbc


	20. Chapter 20

Janeway spent the next twenty four hours in Sickbay, right between the two Biobeds where Seven and Icheb rested. The first thing she did was write a sincere letter of recommendation, then she either worked on some reports, read a book or simply stared at Seven for what seemed like hours. Seven already looked much better. The Doctor had healed the split skin and her colouring had become healthier again.

B'Elanna came to sit with Janeway, Naomi appeared for a visit and so did Neelix.

Just before they were about to transfer Seven to Cargo Bay 2, the EMH revived Icheb, and of course the first thing he asked for was Seven.

Janeway stepped to the side so he could look at her. "Right here, on her way to recovery," she said. "But we'll take her to her alcove in a moment. She'll need to regenerate for an extended period of time."

"You on the other hand will have to stay with me for a while," the Doctor said. "Since you're no longer able to regenerate, you'll need longer to recover."

"I don't mind," Icheb replied.

"How are you feeling?" Janeway asked.

"Are you having any pain?" The EMH ran his scanner over Icheb.

"My head aches," Icheb said. "And I'm feeling weak."

"No surprise there. This transfer took its toll on your body."

"That's worth Seven's life," Icheb replied.

The Doctor stopped his scan. "I'm not denouncing that, Icheb. You have my deepest respect for what you did," he said. "I'm simply stating that you have been weakened by the process and that you'll need time to recover."

"And you'll need to be fit for your entrance-test," Janeway said with a smile. "I already logged my letter into the data stream."

Icheb smiled brightly. "Thank you, Captain."

"It was my pleasure writing it, Icheb, even before you saved Seven's life – for which I am very grateful." She touched his arm. "Thank you."

"Now it's time for some more sleep," the EMH stated. "I just wanted to check on you and thought you might like to see Seven before we transfer her."

"I appreciate that, thank you."

"Getting well soon is the best way to thank me," the Doctor said and then injected Icheb.

Once he was asleep they relocated Seven to Cargo Bay 2.

For another twenty four hours Janeway made her home away from home and only left Seven's side if B'Elanna or the Doctor where there to have an eye on Seven.

Then the EMH announced that Seven was out of the woods and that he expected her to make full recovery.

Which meant for Janeway that it was time to step back. She had to face reality, a reality in which they weren't a couple anymore. A fact that she had ignored for the last forty eight hours, but couldn't any longer.

So Janeway went back to her quarters and for the next couple of days got back into her daily routine.

The fact that Janeway had left Seven's side and was back on duty had apparently been a boost to the crew's morale, as Neelix explained to Janeway while topping up her coffee, because it could only mean that Seven was doing better.

Even though her heart ached, Janeway smiled at Neelix. Obviously nobody knew that Seven and she were separated. Small wonders.

Keeping herself occupied during the days wasn't that hard. Without the threat of Seven's imminent death looming before her, Janeway was actually able to concentrate on her work.

The nights, however, were another matter. Sometimes Janeway tried to read, but most often she simply stood in front of the window and stared out.

The third night after she had returned to her own quarters wasn't much different. She'd had dinner with Chakotay but excused herself fairly early and since then had been standing there, looking out into space.

The sound of the door chime surprised Janeway.

"Who is it?" She asked and looked at the time. 2330 hours?

"Seven of Nine."

"Seven?" Janeway repeated, even though she had recognised the voice of course.

"Yes."

"Come in."

The door slid open and Seven stepped inside, but just far enough to get out of the range of the sensor.

Janeway watched her every move , taking in that she was up and about, not caring that her symptoms were practically shouting at the sight of Seven.

"I'm glad to see you up," Janeway said after a moment, "but shouldn't you still be regenerating?"

"Apparently my physiology has regenerated enough for my psyche to interrupt the cycle," Seven said, her gaze somewhere around Janeway's feet. "I have been to Sickbay first, since Icheb was one of the reasons… I felt unsettled. The Doctor is aware of my whereabouts and is also monitoring me." She pointed to one of the EMH's little gadgets which was attached to the base of her neck. Her eyes made it all the way up to Janeway's chin.

Janeway sighed. Evidently they were back to Seven not wanting to look at her. "Seven, it's rather obvious that you don't want to be here," she said, trying to keep her voice even. "Why are you, if it makes you feel so uncomfortable?"

Seven's gaze flickered through the room and Janeway saw her jaw-muscles move. "I am not uncomfortable because I am here," she replied.

Janeway frowned.

"It is because I do not feel like I deserve to be here anymore."

"Why…" Janeway tilted her head. "Why would you say that?"

Seven turned her head to the side and inhaled deeply. "Captain, the other reason why I feel unsettled is because of what has transpired between us."

"Alright," Janeway said slowly.

"I am aware that there is no excuse for the distress I have caused you," Seven swallowed. "But I will explain my reasoning if you still want to know."

"Slow down for a moment," Janeway said, holding up a hand. "How about starting with the reason before deciding if it's excusable or not?"

"But-"

"Please?" Janeway pleaded.

Seven's eyes actually met Janeway's for a moment and she gave a small nod.

"Thank you," Janeway said quietly.

Averting her eyes again, Seven shifted her weight from one foot to the other, before she began to speak. "After the simulation of transferring the salvaged node failed, I felt the same way. Like I had failed you. I was damaged and couldn't repair myself."

Janeway looked at her in shock. "Why-"

"Please let me continue."

Janeway still wanted to protest, to tell Seven that she hadn't failed her, but she pressed her lips together and nodded.

"Eighteen days ago it was I who initiated the escalation of our relationship to make it more personal, to become intimate. You literally opened up to me," Seven said, her voice almost like a whisper. "I was the reason my death would be even more devastating for you than it would have been before we got involved."

"Oh Seven," Janeway breathed and shook her head. Her heart ached for Seven and Janeway pressed a hand to her mouth so she wouldn't interrupt her again.

"The least I could do was to spare you having to watch me die," Seven said.

Janeway's eyes burned with tears and she blinked rapidly before lowering her head. B'Elanna had been spot on about some obscure logic, which made only sense to Seven.

"After some consideration, I was unsure if my decision was as well founded as I had believed at first. But…"

Janeway looked up. "But?" She prompted quietly.

"I felt remorse and shame," Seven said. "And I did not know how to approach you."

"May I suggest something for the future, where there will be hopefully nothing as dramatic as this?"

"What are you saying?" Suddenly Seven's eyes were on Janeway.

After hearing her explanation, Janeway had on some level been sure that they would come back together. But as she looked at Seven's shocked stare, Janeway wasn't so convinced anymore. "I'm sorry for assuming that you might want to continue our relationship," Janeway said stiffly and crossed her arms in front of herself. But it didn't help against the wrench of disappointment she felt and she faced the window.

"Are you…" There was a shaky inhale. "Are you saying that… would you really…"

"Would I really what?" Janeway noticed the sharpness in her tone, but had no more energy left to hide her feelings.

"Continue our relationship?"

"Seven, I never wanted it to end in the first place." Janeway looked over her shoulder at Seven, who suddenly swayed on her feet. Worry replaced her disappointment and quickly Janeway moved across the room.

"Are you alright?"

"Please don't." Seven held out her hands to stop Janeway, taking a step backwards. "I am certain I am not able to cope with your compassion."

"What do you mean?"

Several tears fell and Seven wiped them away. "I do not know what will happen if you touch me."

"Please, Seven, don't shut me out," Janeway whispered desperately, shaking her head. "Not again."

Seven's blue eyes brimmed with tears. "But I will fall apart."

All the things that came to her mind were so trivial that Janeway dismissed them at once. Then she remembered what Seven had once said as their roles had been reversed. Janeway locked eyes with Seven. "Do you trust me?"

Seven nodded, dislodging some more tears. "With my life."

"I value your heart as much as your life," Janeway quoted and held out her hands.

With a choked sound Seven came to her and Janeway wrapped her arms around her. Seven embraced her so tightly that Janeway was sure she'd be sore tomorrow. But damn, it felt good to have her in her arms again.

Heavy sobs racked Seven's frame and in between were single words Janeway could make out, mostly about Seven being sorry, that she had felt ashamed and had been scared. As Janeway discerned something about Seven not being worthy of her affection, Janeway tried to move back so she could look at her. But Janeway had no chance, Seven's grip on her was like iron. So instead, Janeway turned her head and whispered close to Seven's ear that she loved her and that she was well worth the affection.

This had not the effect Janeway had intended and instead, Seven cried even harder. Like she had feared, Seven came undone and like Janeway had implied, she was there for her. Janeway held her, softly talking to her while rubbing her back soothingly.

Janeway was not quite sure what had prompted it, but at one point her hand was at the nape of Seven's neck and she reached up to undo her hair. Once the pins were out, Janeway began to stroke Seven's neck – a gesture she would remember for the future because it was the second time that after a couple of minutes Seven began to calm down. Her weeping became less and less and her embrace loosened.

Janeway just continued stroking and talking until Seven lifted her head.

"I… I have to… sit down."

"Alright," Janeway said and let go of her, intending to move over to the couch, not in the least expecting for Seven to simply sink to the floor and sitting there cross-legged with her head lowered. Janeway crouched down before her. The way Seven looked, it might not have been a choice but a necessity.

"Are you okay or do I need to call the Doctor?"

Seven lifted her head and looked at Janeway through puffy eyes. "No Doctor, please."

Janeway reached out and touched Seven's cheek. "Alright," she said. "Do you need anything?"

Leaning into the touch, Seven closed her eyes. "For you to hold me?"

"That's easy enough." Janeway smiled softly. "But first I need you to tell me if you are functioning within expected parameters," she said, purposely using Seven's own vocabulary.

"I believe so," Seven replied. "But I will have to regenerate soon. I am feeling weak. Even my brain and my eyes feel weak."

"Are you saying you are tired?" This wouldn't surprise Janeway all that much.

With a frown, Seven opened her eyes. "I don't know how being tired feels."

Janeway shrugged. "I guess it feels a lot like needing to regenerate really soon."

"Then maybe I am tired." Seven's face fell. "But I don't want to leave right now."

Janeway thought for a moment. "Would it help if you had one of your nutritional supplements?"

There was a small smile. "That should be sufficient for a little while."

"I'll be right back," Janeway said and moved over to the Replicator. "Is there a specific one you want?" She asked, knowing that Seven had programed several into the system.

"Number seven, please."

With a smile Janeway relayed her wish to the computer. "I believe I don't know that one."

"I don't have it very often."

Janeway took the glass and went back to Seven, who had moved over to the wall and leaned against it. Once more Janeway crouched before her. Handing her the drink, Janeway asked if there was something specific about it.

Seven gave Janeway only a quick glance as she took the glass. "It… tastes like strawberries."

 _Just how adorable are you?_ Janeway knew that Seven was quite fond of strawberries, and she knew that none of the other supplements tasted like anything else then, well supplements – at least the ones she knew about. So this had to be something like a comfort-drink.

Since Janeway wasn't quite sure how Seven would react to being told that she was absolutely endearing, she didn't say anything about this. "You mentioned you wanted to be held," Janeway said instead. "If you move a little bit forward, I can sit behind you and have you in my arms."

Seven started to move, then stopped again, her eyes on the glass, like she didn't know what to do with it. As amazingly coordinated she was on her feet or in action, this was not yet her forte.

"You can either put it on the floor or I'll hold it while you move," Janeway suggested.

Without a word, Seven held out the glass to Janeway, who took it, and then moved forward.

Janeway sat down behind her. "I'm ready if you are."

Seven looked over her shoulder and scooted back until she could lean against Janeway.

Moving her arms around Seven, Janeway offered her the glass.

"Thank you," Seven said, took the drink and sipped on it.

As far as she could recall, it was the first time Janeway saw Seven drink something with pleasure.

"You should try a strawberry smoothie or shake sometime," Janeway said quietly.

"Are they programed into the Replicator?"

"I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter," Janeway replied. "I might not be much of a cook, but I can make a mean shake."

Seven glanced at Janeway over her shoulder. "Why does a shake have to be mean?"

Laughing softly, Janeway explained that in this case it meant that it was good or even very good.

"Then I will try one of your _mean_ shakes one day." Seven finished her drink and Janeway took the glass from her, putting it beside them on the floor, before she wrapped her arms around Seven again.

"Are you feeling any better?" Janeway asked. "Emotionally, I mean."

Seven turned her head. "Much better than I had expected after talking with you," she replied. "Would you release me for a moment, please?"

Janeway did as she wished and not much later Seven half sat and half lay sideways, leaning against Janeway – properly snuggled up.

Once more Janeway embraced her and rested her chin on top of Seven's head, needing a moment to collect herself. Usually Janeway had been the one in Seven's arms and she'd never thought much of it. But suddenly Janeway was the one doing the holding and it felt like she had earned a privilege.

"You have been very generous already," Seven quietly said. "But may I ask for another favour?"

"What is it?"

"Would you stroke my neck some more?"

Janeway kissed the top of Seven's head. "That's not a favour but a pleasure," she replied and followed the words with the action.

Seven sighed deeply. "I do like that a lot, thank you," she said softly, then: "This is one of those moments where I cannot comprehend your behaviour, but I am very grateful nonetheless."

Janeway thought about that for a moment and how to best respond to this. "I'm not denying that I was hurt and even angry, because I was."

"I am-"

"Hush," Janeway said, softly pulling on the lock of hair, which she had curled around a finger. "I'm not saying this to make you feel even more guilty. I am trying to explain why I'm doing what I'm doing."

"Please proceed."

"I was upset because I didn't understand why you broke up. I only assumed that it had something to do with you being sick. But that didn't make any sense to me, because in my world you usually don't end a relationship because of something like this," Janeway said. "But you actually tried to protect me because you thought I'd suffer more if we were still together. Is that correct?"

"That was my reasoning at first, yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I…" Seven took a deep breath. "Terminating our relationship was one of the hardest things I have ever done," she said quietly. "I had no purpose anymore, I was useless to you and the crew. I believed that if I told you how hard it is to end our relationship, you would decide to stay with me for pity's sake."

Janeway frowned. "If I had known why you wanted to break up, I would have told you that there's no reason at all for you to feel guilty. I was the one letting you in, I wanted to, no, I _want_ you to be close, physically and emotionally." A thought came to Janeway's mind, not a pleasant one, but it might help getting a point across. "Imagine I'd be diagnosed with an illness that might mean my death in a couple of weeks."

Seven stiffened in Janeway's arms.

"Would you suffer less if I were to end our relationship because of this?"

"No," Seven replied quietly. "That occurred to me as you found me in Engineering. But in my mind I had failed you so often by then…"

Janeway hugged her closer.

"I was apprehensive of dying but I was also… anxious about living."

"Why of living?"

"Because the emotions were so strong, I did not know if I would be able to cope with them." Seven took a shaking breath. "But even as distraught as I felt, I was selfish enough to ask the Doctor one last favour. I asked him to move to the other side before he sedated me, because if I were to die, the last thing I wanted to see were your eyes."

Her own fear of never seeing Seven again welled up and combined with Seven's confession, it had Janeway in tears. She tightened her grip on Seven and started to rock them back and forth. "That's enough for now with the dark emotions," Janeway choked out. "I need something positive now. You and Icheb survived and we're back together."

"You were anxious about me dying."

Janeway nodded. "Terrified," she answered with a soft sniff.

"The Doctor told me that you stayed with me for the first two days."

Nodding again, Janeway said: "I couldn't leave you while your condition was still critical. To me it didn't matter that we weren't a couple anymore. I had to know that you were doing alright."

Seven moved her head so that she could look at Janeway. "Your willingness to stand above everything that had transpired and to be there during the transfer made me vow to myself, that if I survived, I would offer you an explanation, if you still wanted it. No matter the consequences."

"I'm glad you came."

"So am I," Seven said. "Thank you for… everything."

Janeway leaned in and gave her a soft kiss. "You're welcome." Janeway smiled as she saw the surprise in Seven's face turn into pleasure. "Now come back here and let me stroke your neck for a little while longer before you have to go."

Janeway's smile grew bigger as Seven promptly put her head back down to let her play with her hair and stroke her soft skin.

Sighing softly, Seven snuggled closer.

It felt so darn good to have Seven back, even though Janeway started to notice the hard floor underneath her buttocks.

After a few minutes Seven sighed again, more deeply this time. Then one of her fingers twitched, and another.

Janeway held her breath. Was Seven falling asleep? _Don't stop stroking her!_ A goofy grin crept onto her face and Janeway had to force herself to breath evenly. She looked down upon the blond head. To think that Seven believed she was the one being privileged because of Janeway's affection for her. Here she was, being allowed to witness the process of Seven delving deeper into her humanity; being allowed to experience so many firsts with her – and they weren't all bad ones either.

Yes, Seven most definitely had the ability to cause Janeway a bunch of sorrow. But now more than ever, she knew Seven wouldn't do so on purpose. And beside the heartache, there was so much joy, curiosity, vulnerability, tenderness and passion. Seven made Janeway feel alive again.

Janeway shifted her butt slightly, which was falling asleep.

There was a perfectly fine couch in this room and an even more comfortable bed in the other one. But there was no place on Voyager where Janeway would rather be than sitting here on the hard floor with a sleeping Seven in her arms.

tbc


	21. Chapter 21

„Sickbay to Captain Janeway."

The sudden noise of the Doctor's voice in Janeway's otherwise quiet living room startled her.

"Yes?" Janeway asked quietly.

"The cortical monitor Seven is wearing is showing readings as if she's regenerating," the EMH said. "But she isn't in her alcove."

With a smile, Janeway looked down to Seven laying in her arms. "No, she isn't. She's asleep in my living room."

Silence.

"She is sleeping?" The Doctor asked his voice quiet now as well.

"Yes."

There was another pause, before he spoke again. "The reason I'm asking is that the scans during the time she's been awake show a significant amount of stress. Nothing too worrisome since they are back to normal now, but I wanted to make sure she's alright."

"If you are quiet, you can come and check her out," Janeway said. "I'd actually appreciate it. I don't want her to overexert herself."

"I'll be with you in a moment."

"Thank you."

As much as Janeway enjoyed having Seven in her arms as she slept for the first time since she'd been severed from the hive-mind, after the ordeal Seven had been through, Janeway wanted her to recover more than anything else.

Janeway continued to play with the soft tresses of Seven's hair, her mind wandering back to the emotional roller-coaster of the last couple of days until the chime to the door sounded and the EMH stepped into the room after Janeway's soft "enter".

"It's been quite an evening," Janeway said, as he stopped to look down on them in surprise.

"It certainly looks like it," he replied and came over, crouching down beside them. He took the tricorder out of the med-kit and ran the scanner over Seven's body. "I take it, things between the two of you are settled again?" The Doctor asked without taking his eyes of the readings.

Janeway studied him for a moment. "Has it been that obvious?"

He glanced briefly at Janeway. "Unlike you, Seven spent a lot of her time in Sickbay."

Janeway sighed. "She believed she had to protect me from having to watch her die."

Furrowing his brows, the EMH looked at Janeway. "And you couldn't convince her otherwise?"

"I couldn't even convince her to tell me why she wanted to end things between us."

He shut the tricorder and looked at Seven. "Whatever happened earlier, she's fine now."

"It has been a very emotional evening," Janeway murmured while curling another one of Seven's locks around her finger. Looking up, she wanted to know if she had to wake Seven so she could get back into her alcove.

"No," the EMH replied. "But tomorrow she'll have to continue with the last two days of her regeneration."

Gazing down again, Janeway wondered what it would be like to have Seven waking up with her.

"I'd suggest moving her to the bed, though."

Tightening her grip on Seven, Janeway looked at him from underneath her brows. "No," she said gravelly.

The Doctor lifted a hand. "Don't you think, Seven would enjoy sleeping in the future much more if she wouldn't wake with every bone in her body aching?"

Janeway lowered her eyes again, trying to hide the pleasure at the thought of having Seven sleeping or waking up with her on a regular basis.

"Captain, the last days have been excruciating for Seven, both physically and emotionally," the Doctor said. "I'm fairly certain, that she's exhausted enough not to wake. And if she does, she'll probably just go right back to sleep."

Janeway sighed and wished that she could lift Seven as easily as Seven did her.

"I'll be careful not to wake her."

Loosening her hold on Seven, Janeway finally nodded. "Alright," she agreed and after some shifting, the EMH was able to pick Seven up.

Janeway couldn't hold back a soft groan as she tried to sort out her own stiff muscles and aching bones to get up.

"I had a feeling, Seven wouldn't be the only one to benefit from sleeping comfortably."

Slowly Janeway rotated her head to glare at the Doctor. "Have you just played me?"

He turned so that Seven was between him and Janeway. "I'd rather say that I took advantage of your overcompensated protectiveness – for your own good."

Janeway narrowed her eyes at him. "Overcompensated?"

"Your reaction is quite understandable given the circumstances," he said. "I'm sure it will pass once your subconscious has fully realised that Seven survived."

"Maybe you should check out those psychiatric subroutines of yours." Janeway walked stiffly towards the bedroom, but kept her eyes fixed on him until she was past, noticing that he kept Seven between them. "Scared of my overcompensated protectiveness, Doctor?"

"I'm only being careful, Captain," he replied as he followed her.

Once in the room, Janeway pointed to the bed. "Just lay her on the right side, I'll take it from there."

"Do you want me to assist you with the Biosuit?"

Remembering how they had walked in on him on a holodeck as he was painting Seven in the nude, using a holo-image of her, Janeway gave him a sceptical look. "I think not."

The EMH sighed. "It has been over a year, Captain. I'm well over my infatuation," he said. "I am a physician and Seven is my patient. And if that's not enough, you know that Seven has a rather different concept of nudity – shame is irrelevant."

"To me it isn't," Janeway said, even though she knew he had a point.

"It's not you we're talking about," the Doctor said, then: "At least open the Biosuit while I hold her. It will make things easier."

Janeway wasn't quite sure why she still hesitated, but as the EMH said something about being sure, that Seven would much rather wake in her arms than in his, Janeway moved over.

Janeway actually let him help her to get Seven out of the Biosuit as it was indeed a lot of hassle to deal with, especially with Seven being asleep.

As soon as Seven was under the blanket, the EMH left and Janeway quickly stripped out of her own clothes.

Janeway was just climbing onto the bed when Seven rolled from her back onto her side.

"Captain?"

Swiftly, Janeway slipped underneath the covers and moved over to her. Laying onto her back, Janeway held out an arm. "Come here."

"What-" A huge yawn interrupted her and Janeway had to supress a grin as Seven blinked in surprise.

"You've been asleep," Janeway said and softly pulled Seven's head onto her shoulder, before she put her hand onto Seven's neck.

Seven moved closer. "Sleeping feels strange," she murmured.

"Just close your eyes again," Janeway said quietly, stroking Seven tenderly.

"Will you sleep as well?"

Janeway smiled. "I will and quite happily so."

Which she did.

Janeway woke a couple of times but was able to get back to sleep after reassuring herself that Seven was still in her arms.

Once the computer announced that it was time to get up, Janeway was wide awake in an instant and looked at Seven, as they both hadn't moved all that much during the night.

Seven's head shifted and then blue eyes blinked up at Janeway.

"Good morning," Janeway greeted her with a smile.

"Good morning," Seven said, her voice throaty. She frowned. "What happened to my voice?"

"Mine does that too at times when I wake up." _Especially after crying the night before._

Still frowning slightly, Seven said: "Sleeping is rather different than regenerating. I don't feel disoriented after a cycle has ended."

Janeway's smile faded. "I'm sorry that you don't like it."

Seven looked back into Janeway's eyes. "I do enjoy feeling you close to me when I regain consciousness."

The corner of Janeway's mouth lifted again. "I'm glad," she whispered. "Because I had hoped we could do this again. I very much like to be the one having you in my arms for a change," she said, moving her hand to the nape of Seven's neck.

Janeway's smile deepened as Seven closed her eyes and curved her neck slightly. "You do like that a lot," Janeway murmured.

"Yes."

Silently, they lay like that for a few minutes, then Janeway sighed. _Time to get up_. "Alright, my love-"

Seven's head came up and huge blue eyes stared at Janeway.

"What?" Janeway asked.

"You called me 'my love'."

"Yes," Janeway said slowly. "Is that a bad thing?"

"You haven't used endearments for me before," Seven stated. "Why now?"

Janeway mulled that one over. "It might be the fact that I am contentedly relaxed and not quite awake enough to watch my tongue," she finally admitted.

Seven shifted and lay on her stomach, giving Janeway her full attention. "Explain."

"For one, I don't like to use just any old thing," Janeway started. "Then there are the things that don't suit you or where I'm not sure how you would react."

The implant above Seven's eye rose questioningly. "Why would you be concerned about my reaction?"

Looking at Seven for a moment, Janeway thought about how to explain this. "You are a very intelligent and strong woman, both headstrong and physically powerful, and you take pride in your accomplishments – rightfully so," she said, her eyes moving back and forth between Seven's. "But there's also the… softer side of you, which I get to see more often now. And while I know that you don't see me as weak anymore when I'm vulnerable, I'm not sure how you feel about yourself in similar situations."

"Like last night."

"Not only, but yes," Janeway said. "And I'm not talking about you crying."

Seven cocked her head in surprise. "You aren't?

"No," Janeway said softly. "I'm talking about how absolutely adorable you were as you told me that your drink tasted like strawberries."

Seven's eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly, then she averted her eyes. Reaching out, Janeway took Seven's chin between her fingers, hoping the gesture would be enough to make her look back at her. It was and Janeway locked eyes with Seven. "That made me fall even deeper in love with you," Janeway said. "Do you understand that?"

"I… I am uncertain."

Janeway released Seven's chin. "As I've said before, you're intelligent and strong, and I love that about you. I even like that you challenge me – sometimes not so much, though." Janeway added the last part with a wry smile and was relieved to see the corner of Seven's mouth lift into a tiny smile.

"But if you didn't have this tender part of yourself, the one that likes to hold me, to caress me, the one that wants to comfort me, I don't think I could love you as much as I do."

Seven didn't say anything but didn't look away either. Then after a moment she cocked her head. "When you admitted your interest about BDSM to me, you were feeling vulnerable, is that correct?"

Janeway nodded. "Yes."

"Especially when I asked, if your not being in control included being bound."

Janeway nodded again, albeit a bit slower, because she remembered how she had felt with Seven being able to detect her reactions before she even gave an answer.

Eyes narrowed, Seven's gaze moved to the side for a heartbeat then came back to Janeway. "I felt particularly fond of you in that moment," Seven said, her face morphing into an expression of understanding.

"That's how I felt last night."

"In this case, adorable is acceptable."

Janeway looked into Seven's serious face and tried really hard not to smile.

Seven looked closely at Janeway. "What is it?"

Janeway's lips twitched. "How about cute?"

The implant above Seven's eye shot up. "Unacceptable," she stated. "I am not cute."

Janeway nodded, her smile finally breaking through. "You are, especially right now."

Seven gave Janeway a dark look.

Janeway sighed theatrically. "Alright then, you are not cute but adorable."

"You are still _thinking_ that I am cute."

"My thoughts are my own."

Seven moved up on all fours and looked down to Janeway. The cover slipped from Seven's back, leaving her gloriously naked. "I am not cute," she repeated, her face determined.

 _Oh no, you aren't_. Janeway swallowed _. Not anymore._

Seven cocked her head. "Considering your reaction, I believe it is safe to say that me being cute is no longer the issue at hand."

"No, it isn't," Janeway replied, and this time it was her voice that sounded throaty. "You are anything but cute right now." Janeway let her eyes do what they so desperately wanted, and they wandered from Seven's face over her shoulder, down her back to her firm buttocks.

"You are thinking about sex."

Janeway looked back into Seven's eyes. "To be precise, I'm thinking about how sexy you are," she replied and as she saw the tiny twitch of the implant, Janeway added: "Which could lead to me thinking about sex, yes." Janeway sighed and closed her eyes, putting an arm over her face. "But we have a schedule to follow. You'll have to continue regenerating, and I have to be on duty soon."

"You are not pleased by that thought."

With a soft laugh, Janeway looked at Seven from underneath her arm. "I can easily imagine something much more _pleasurable_ than leaving you in your alcove for the next two days."

Seven sat back onto her haunches, the very same satisfied expression in her face that had robbed Janeway of her breath many times before.

"That's it," Janeway said and rolled onto her side. "I'm heading for the shower." She got up and crossed the room.

"Would you like me to wash your back?"

Janeway stopped and turned around. Inhaling deeply, she drank in the sight of Seven on the bed. "Thank you, but no," Janeway replied with a wry smile. "Too much temptation."

Seven inclined her head, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as her eyes moved over Janeway's body. "I understand perfectly."

Janeway swallowed and fled into the bathroom.

About an hour later, Janeway and Seven walked into Cargo Bay 2 and up to Seven's alcove.

Seven stepped onto the platform, turned around and looked down at Janeway, who returned her gaze, and then impulsively moved onto the platform as well, standing right in front of Seven.

"Something to remember me by," Janeway said, put a hand behind Seven's head and pulled her down.

Like the first time they had ever kissed, Seven's breath ghosted across Janeway's face. But this time Seven didn't wait for Janeway to move. She closed the distance, covering Janeway's mouth with her own. Janeway pushed her tongue through their parted lips and let it brush against Seven's.

With a soft moan, Janeway deepened the kiss, and what had meant to be a playful and light good-bye kiss turned into something heated and passionate.

What made Janeway finally stop were the tears on Seven's cheeks. Pulling back in concern, Janeway cradled Seven's face in her hands. "What's wrong?" Janeway softly wiped at the tears with her thumbs.

Seven blinked and swallowed. "I… I remembered thinking about not ever kissing you again," she said.

"I know," Janeway whispered. "I guess, we'll both have moments like this in the next couple of days."

"I apologise-"

Janeway shook her head. "No more apologies, Seven," she said, and as Seven looked at her in surprise, Janeway sighed. "You have told me yesterday that you were sorry and I have seen how much you regret what happened. Please don't carry that guilt around with you. It won't do you any good." _Look, who's talking._ "I know how that feels, and it isn't nice."

Seven cocked her head.

"The guilt about stranding Voyager here in the Delta Quadrant has been eating at me for years," Janeway said. "Long before you came aboard and kept me occupied," she added with a smile to lighten the mood. "But I don't want to get into that now. Just promise me to come to me first before you decide anything concerning our relationship."

"I will," Seven replied.

"Good." Janeway smiled. "Now it's time for you to…" Janeway laughed. "I can't tease you about going to sleep anymore."

"I am certain, you will find something else."

With a grin, Janeway stretched up, so she could whisper into Seven's ear: "Yes, about you being…" Janeway paused, then finished: "Adorable."

Seven's chin lifted but she said nothing. But Janeway would bet anything that Seven knew exactly that she had been thinking about Seven being cute.

Janeway caressed Seven's cheek softly, then stepped off the platform. "I'll see you in two days."

Of course Janeway saw Seven earlier.

B'Elanna had wanted to meet Janeway for dinner, but had to cancel at the last minute, because of some glitch that had been found and had to be taken care of.

B'Elanna had been terribly sorry, asked Janeway a hundred times if she was doing alright, until Janeway realised that she had not yet filled B'Elanna in about the news. Since Janeway didn't want to talk about it over the Com, she tried to assure B'Elanna as best as she could and asked to meet for lunch the day after tomorrow.

So instead of having dinner, Janeway stood in Cargo Bay 2 with a smile as wide as the hangar doors to the shuttle bay. One night and one more day without Seven. _I can do that_.

And with a last look at Seven, Janeway headed to her quarters, hoping for some good sleep since she hadn't had that much in the last couple of days. Janeway wasn't thinking of not getting much sleep once Seven was up and about again, not too much anyway.

tbc


	22. Chapter 22

The next morning Janeway was contacted by the Doctor, who told her to come by sometime during the day but before Seven had finished regenerating.

Janeway went to Sickbay right after breakfast, and she had barely stepped into the room as the EMH came out of his office. He pressed a PADD into her hand but said nothing, not even as she looked at him questioningly.

Janeway supressed a sigh and bent her head to scroll through the contents of exactly three- "Holo-programs?"

The Doctor's smile got even wider. "Yes. You and Seven will be going to Holodeck 2 after her cycle has ended," he said. "You can choose any one of the programs and there you will stay for the next forty eight hours."

Janeway held out the PADD. "I don't-"

"Doctor's orders. Based on the traumatic experience you and Seven have been through," he interrupted Janeway. "Commander Chakotay agrees."

"But-"

The EMH sighed. "Captain, as your physician and your friend, I'm telling you that you need a couple of days off."

"I haven't been working that much," Janeway argued. Most of the times she had been staring into space.

"No, because you have been preoccupied with worrying about Seven or conducting mad schemes to save her life."

Janeway bristled. "I beg your pardon?"

"And I'm not even starting on the effects the break-up had on you," he continued, simply ignoring her glare.

Janeway crossed her arms.

"And I still have an ace up my sleeve."

Pursing her lips, Janeway said: "Let me guess, the overcompensated protectiveness."

The Doctor gave her a chipper smile.

"Very well," Janeway muttered and turned around. Two days at a sunny beach didn't sound that bad, but there was no reason to let him know that.

The further away Janeway got from the manipulative EMH, the better she liked the idea and by the time she was on the Bridge, she was actually looking forward to the mini-vacation – which of course had the effect that time seemed to slow down to a crawl.

After two endless hours in the captain's chair, Janeway asked Harry over her shoulder to scan for temporal-anomalies.

As she turned back, Janeway saw Chakotay turning his head away from her. "Everything alright, Commander?"

He nodded. "Yes, Captain."

A minute later Harry announced that there were no temporal-anomalies in the vicinity.

Janeway sighed and tapped her fingers on the armrest.

Chakotay leaned over. "May I make a suggestion?" He asked quietly.

"Mhm?"

"In your Ready Room?"

Janeway was all for that. Getting there and talking took time. "Tuvok, you have the Bridge."

In her office, Janeway went straight to the Replicator. "Want some tea?" She asked Chakotay, who declined. Relaying her wish to the computer, Janeway turned to her First Officer. "What is it?"

"Do you remember your first date?"

Janeway laughed and took her cup, cradling it in both hands and inhaling deeply, before she turned back to Chakotay. "Oh yes," she said and sipped from the coffee. "My mother likes to remind me that I was a pain in the ass."

Chakotay's smile had deepened as he looked at Janeway.

Realising what he was hinting at, she asked partly bewildered and partly amused: "Is it that bad?"

"If you are asking if you're a pain in the – ass… of course not," he answered. "Let's just say, it's very obvious that you are waiting for something, or rather someone."

Janeway sighed. "That bad."

"The finger-tapping and foot-swinging weren't that bad. But asking for a temporal-anomaly?"

"It wouldn't be the first one we encountered."

Chakotay nodded thoughtfully. "But I'm sure it would be the first we detected because time didn't seem to go fast enough."

"Any suggestions?"

Without missing a beat, he said: "Stay here, work on some reports."

"You've already given that some consideration," Janeway stated.

He just smiled.

She moved down the platform and over to her desk. There was actually a small stack of PADDs.

"I took the liberty to prepare some for you."

Janeway gave him a rueful look. "Something like a report on the plants in the Airponic Bay?"

Chakotay didn't even try to hide the smile. "Not quite, Captain," he replied. "But equally…"

"Dull?" She offered.

"Easy on the mind."

With a sigh, Janeway sat down. "Well then, you have the Bridge, Commander, since I'm going to be busy."

"Aye, Captain," he said and went across the room.

"Chakotay?"

He stopped to face Janeway.

"Thank you."

Chakotay smiled. "You're welcome. Maybe you'll repay me in kind. I remember being a pain in the ass."

She laughed. "I'll remember that."

With a last grin he left.

Even the most boring reports keep your mind occupied for a while and finally it was time to leave. Janeway gave Chakotay instructions – which of course he didn't need – and then left for her quarters to change into something more casual.

Once Janeway was in Cargo Bay 2, she realised that she still had half an hour left until the regeneration-cycle would stop. She was too early. Which explained why everyone on the Bridge had grinned fiendishly with ducked heads.

Janeway looked around the containers and shifted some of the lighter ones to make herself a comfortable seat, of course with clear view onto Seven in her alcove. What she had not in her view was the door as Janeway had not expected someone to come in here.

But just a couple of minutes before the cycle was supposed to end, the door opened. Since Janeway had no intention of getting into a possible lengthy conversation, she took the cowardly way out and ducked her head. The fact that she didn't want to be found like a love-sick teenager might have been a factor as well. Janeway heard the steps of someone moving around the bay and that this someone was muttering under their breath.

After a moment Janeway started to feel a bit foolish for hiding, wondering what the person would think if they would find her by accident. She was just about to reveal herself, when the computer announced the end of the cycle.

 _Great_ , Janeway thought. _Impeccable_ _timing_.

Seven opened her eyes and they seemed to zoom right onto Janeway. Seven stepped forward and down the platform and then turned to the left.

"B'Elanna Torres, state your intentions." Seven put her hands behind her back.

 _B'Elanna?_

"Could we… could we talk for a moment?"

"That is depending on the amount of time your _moment_ is implying."

"Oh come on, Seven," B'Elanna said. "You can spare me a couple of minutes. Or are you going right back to your duties?"

"Time is a wasting."

Janeway blinked in surprise. Where had Seven picked that one up?

"Alright," B'Elanna said. "I know it's none of my business… but it's about the Captain, or rather about Kathryn."

Janeway practically felt her eyebrows climb into her hairline.

"I'm not sure what made you break up with her, but you should talk to her. It's killing her."

"I am aware of the fact that I have caused her great… pain."

"You are? That's good to know, because seeing you standing there all composed I don't get the feeling that you are." B'Elanna's voice got heated. "Damn it, Seven, why? I don't get it. And I'm telling you, if I hadn't promised her to leave you alone, I would have knocked your head off right in Sickbay!"

"Maybe you should keep your promises," Janeway said coolly, stood up and went over to the two of them.

B'Elanna whirled around. "I promised you to leave her alone in the situation she was in and I did," she said. "But knowing the ice-queen, she's too proud to admit that she's been wrong."

Janeway crossed her arms. "You think she's too proud to admit having made a mistake?"

"Kahless, no." B'Elanna threw up her arms. "What I meant is that she… I just have a feeling that she doesn't believe in second chances, not about something personal like this," B'Elanna said. "Not when it comes to you."

Janeway's gaze moved from B'Elanna to Seven. "That's the second time she's spot on about you."

The crested implant rose. "May I inquire to the first time?"

"The reason why you ended it or rather that nobody but you would understand it," Janeway answered.

"You know?" B'Elanna asked bewildered. "But how?"

"My cycle was interrupted," Seven replied and B'Elanna turned to her. "By then I had come to the conclusion that at least I owed the Captain an explanation. And you are right, B'Elanna Torres, I was not considering to get a… second chance. Quite the opposite."

"But the Captain could talk you out of this crazy idea, right?"

"She could," Janeway answered.

B'Elanna faced Janeway. "You could've told me, you know."

"I had planned to. Then you had to cancel dinner, which is why I wanted to meet for lunch."

"Oh," B'Elanna said quietly and bit her cheek.

"I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this," Janeway said to B'Elanna, who hung her head.

"Isn't that what friends do?" Seven moved up behind B'Elanna and put a hand on her shoulder. "They help each other even if it feels like an intrusion?"

Two pair of eyes looked at Janeway, one of them cool blue, the other pair warm brown. _Fire_ _and_ _ice_.

"I had to try," B'Elanna said softly. "The two of you just feel so… right together."

Once more Janeway's gaze moved up to Seven, who returned the look.

"Yes, we do," Seven said.

A smile spread across Janeway's face. "Yes, we do."

"I'm out of trouble then?"

Janeway's eyes shifted back to B'Elanna, the smile fading from her face. "Not quite yet," she said and let her voice drop to a deep gravel. "You do know how I react to someone threatening the crew of this ship?"

B'Elanna's eyes widened.

"Imagine someone daring to threaten my partner."

B'Elanna swallowed.

"Add to that the fact, that according to the Doctor, I have developed an overcompensated protectiveness concerning Seven," Janeway said and stepped right in front of B'Elanna.

It was interesting to observe the half-Klingon, who didn't flinch when the ex-drone towered over her, hunch her shoulders as Janeway approached.

"So I guess you are lucky, that instead of having you thrown out of an airlock, I'm just cancelling lunch for tomorrow."

B'Elanna held up both hands. "Not a problem."

"As we have yet to make any plans, I see no reason why you should not have lunch together," Seven said.

Janeway looked at Seven. She was sure she was not able to hide the fact that she had no intention of meeting anyone because she would be busy with Seven.

Seven cocked her head but before she could say anything, Janeway told her about the Doctor's orders. "We have to be at the holodeck, where we will spent the next forty eight hours enjoying the sun at the beach. " _Among other things._

"We will undoubtedly be occupied with each other for an extended period of time," Seven said. "B'Elanna could come to dinner as I am certain that we will need to recuperate before then."

"Seven…" Janeway stared at her. "Why would you say that with B'Elanna being here?"

The implant above Seven's eye moved up. "B'Elanna Torres has been in a relationship where she has been sexually active. I am certain she would have surmised as much without me stating the obvious."

Janeway lowered her head in exasperation and rubbed her neck with one hand while B'Elanna groaned before she said that she had to leave now. Quickly she slipped out from between Janeway and Seven and hurried away.

Looking up at Seven, Janeway found her studying her closely.

"I do not understand why humans are so adamant about expressing their feelings, yet when it comes to sexuality all of a sudden it's not appropriate to speak of it."

Janeway inhaled deeply. "It's not the speaking about it that makes me uncomfortable," she said. "I've had plenty of conversations about sex. For me it's _who_ I'm talking to, and I guess B'Elanna is not that close yet."

"I am sure that this is true in your case," Seven said.

Janeway nodded. "In general you're actually right. "Sex has been a taboo for far too long and it still shows."

"It's a rather _hot_ topic."

"Indeed," Janeway said with a soft laugh. "And it's a shame, because talking about sex is fun and even hot."

Seven looked at Janeway inquiringly.

"Hot as in sexy," Janeway said, then on an impulse added: "Let's try something. We go to the holodeck and just talk about sex. Maybe for a couple of hours."

Cocking her head, Seven asked: "Is there something particular that you have in mind?"

"Not yet."

"Then I wish to choose the first topic."

Janeway noticed the corner of Seven's mouth lifting slightly. "Alright," she said slowly, looking up again. "But not before we're on the holodeck."

Seven gave curt a nod. "As you wish."

Janeway moved up to Seven. "I want to make sure that I'm able to act on any impulse I have."

"You wanted to discuss sex, not act upon it," Seven said.

"I might change my mind."

"I'm tempted to prolong this particular subject," Seven said. "But it might in fact lead to something you don't want to talk about before we are on the holodeck."

"Oh?"

Seven didn't say anything and just looked pointedly above Janeway's head to the door.

"You're not going to tell me?"

"No."

There were times when Janeway really appreciated Seven's plain and simple answers, but right now wasn't one of them.

"What do you have in mind?"

The implant above Seven's eye rose imperiously. "You specifically wished _not_ to start this conversation before we were at our destination. Why then would you ask me to tell you now?"

"Because I have a feeling that you have a certain topic in mind," Janeway said. "And I'd like to know what it is."

"You are aware of the fact that we could almost be on the holodeck by now," Seven said. "Meaning your curiosity would be satisfied." She cocked her head. "Or is this a case of you arguing for argument's sake?"

Janeway gave Seven a mock glare.

"Persistence is futile, Captain," Seven said. "You have taught me too well not to go against your orders." The corner of her mouth lifted.

Pursing her lips, Janeway said nothing.

"Captain, I would rather be somewhere else where I don't have to go against your wishes," Seven said, her voice perceptively softer.

That melted all her resistance and Janeway held out a hand. "Let's go then."

Just by the look in her face, Janeway knew that there was some quick consideration going on, then Seven moved to Janeway's left side, taking the opposite hand from the one she had offered and together they walked towards the door.

"I know there is a reason why you changed sides." Janeway glanced at Seven. "Will you tell me?"

"Is it correct that couples often walk… hand in hand?"

"Yes."

"If I were to walk on your other side, I would be compromising your strong hand in an emergency."

Janeway stopped moving and pulled Seven to a halt as well. "I've never thought about that."

Seven cocked her head and leaned closer. "You want to get Voyager back to the Alpha Quadrant. And as I have stated before, Captain, I will help you. And I do everything to keep you safe while you do."

Janeway stared up at Seven and a smile started to spread across her face. Once again Janeway didn't know how to express her amazement and she simply shook her head. Janeway squeezed Seven's hand – which was the moment when Janeway realised that she would actually be compromising Seven's right hand.

Lifting their joined hands up between them, Janeway looked sternly at Seven. "You will not keep me safe by risking yourself."

"As opposed to you I am ambidextrous," Seven said, her voice amiably. "And my left hand is even stronger than average." She lifted said hand and flexed the fingers with the exoskeleton around them.

Janeway shifted her eyes from Seven's hand to her eyes. "You have it all figured out," Janeway said with a smile. "Haven't you?"

"About this, yes. But there are a lot of subjects which continue to mystify me."

The question was already on the tip of Janeway's tongue when Seven lifted the crested implant.

"The holodeck, Captain?"

Janeway laughed softly. "You're right," she said. "Let's get going."

On their way Janeway and Seven met a few crewmembers. Most of them smiled and some even commented on being glad to see Seven back on her feet – common human behaviour, or at least to Janeway.

Seven on the other hand wasn't quite used to it. As they came upon the first person, Seven tried to pull her hand back.

"Stop that please," Janeway said through her teeth and tightened the grip on Seven's hand, then smiled nicely as they passed the Ensign.

Just a bit further down the corridor was Crewman Celes, who actually stopped with a small smile. Of course Janeway stopped as well. Seven tried to take in her usual posture, but had to compromise since by then Janeway had a death-grip on her hand.

They exchanged some pleasantries with Crewman Celes and started to walk again.

"Please explain why you keep holding onto my hand even though you have said that you would not _flaunt_ our relationship in front of the crew."

"I will, if you tell me first if you know the difference between holding hands while clearly off duty and crawling all over you," Janeway replied. "Which is what I actually said."

There was an audible sigh from beside Janeway.

"Look Seven, the crew know we're a couple, at least I believe they do. They would find it strange if I would let go of you, just because there is someone who could see us or actually has already seen us," Janeway said. "And it's a nice little exercise for the two of us and maybe even for the rest of the crew."

"What are we exercising?"

"You getting used to the fact that I am able to decide for myself if I want to be seen holding your hand." Janeway squeezed said hand to take the sting out of her words. "The crew and I will get used to me being a human and not some kind of superhuman – at least when I'm out of my uniform. And believe me, I need the exercise as much as you do."

Seven gave Janeway a side-glance. "I wouldn't have noticed."

"You were just faster than I was," Janeway said without looking at Seven.

Now Seven turned her head to Janeway. "Are you saying-"

"I'm not saying another word." But Janeway gave Seven a bashful smile.

A couple of minutes later the two arrived at the holodeck. Janeway entered the program she had chosen into the control panel and then stepped in front of the door.

Janeway and Seven were greeted by a warm breeze and Janeway inhaled the salty air deeply. With a smile she looked at Seven. "Ready for our respite?"

Seven inclined her head. "I am if you are."

"Oh yes, I am." Janeway grasped Seven's hand and pulled her with her through the door.

Fin (for now)

AN:

Well... that's it for now. There is more to come but since I only begin publishing stories once they're complete, I'm afraid I'll have to ask for a little patience.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I'll go through the hassle of posting on five different sites again. So you might want to check either at AO3 (the_goofball) or at my tumblr (link is in my profile) – and I'd have to constantly re-direct you anyway ;o)

I want to thank you for reading and commenting!

Oh, and the Watcher… did you actually follow the links to the uncensored story at AO3? Or what exactly did you mean with there not being enough smut?


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